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I think I just need a shoulder to cry on - I'm burnt out!

My hubby (now 64) has a problem and it may even be psychological one, in that for the past few years he gets sick, tired, sore or ill at least once per week. What generally happens (because he does suffer with arthritis) is this is used as a valid excuse to sit and sleep a lot because of the pain. He is in real estate and in under stress because he can hardly walk some days - I feel for him especially at his age. All this I know is real BUT from this 'rest habit' - things always morphs into so many other aliments ie; of course a bad back, sore neck/throat - loud dry cough, heavy breathing or inability to breath, need for hacking and spitting - anywhere and anytime, insomnia (go figure), fatigued, ulcerated feet and legs, twisted gut and gas, headaches, lack of appetite to binges, pains here and there and severe vomiting, diarrhea or constipation , shoulder, arm and hand tingles to pain, heartburn, high temps etc. etc. Yet they can all magically disappear if and when he wants to do something.

What I grown to hate most about this habit is - the 'unusual for an adult' pitiful dramatics and moaning that goes along with it. He is very vocal and sooks out and picks (no matter how trivial) everybody else to death - sadly another thing I don't find that attractive. Yet oddly he is never too sick or picky for sex (again - go figure). PLUS his symptoms seem to always get worse just before a day off or around holiday time. Could this all be fear/anxiety that I'll ask him to do physical stuff and/or some work? I feel it may be a way of expressing suppressed anger (at himself and/or his body letting him down?) OR Could he be 'seriously ill' - although his doctor never seems to think so.

Anyway, I feel I've become an ugly nag especially as WE rarely spend any quality 'fun' time together - he loathes even walking (plus me wanting to walk without him) so is generally he is unfit also (and so I'm slowly becoming the same way too). We no longer socialize and lost many friendships due to never well enough patterns. People that do care about him often say (worry) that he 'seems' to be always tired or ill etc. and tend to think that he is 'lazy at heart' and brings 'this stuff' on himself.

As it is - he takes numerous medications already. I feel horrible that I can't show him any sincere sympathy - I just go though the motions of a (now tough love) carer. What's also annoying is he doesn't believe (accept) this is any big problem or that he is ever really ever 'that' sick - so won't go to a doctor not until he is at deaths door or needs a doctors note. Even though I have kept a diary as proof. He also refuses to see a psychiatrist/physiologist just because 'I' can't handle it - so I am very concerned! This surely isn't a good way for him to exist (because he is not living)!

I do love him, so HOW can I encourage him to move forward - PLEASE if someone can HELP! {Oh, and THANKS}

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He is in a lot of pain, just Love him and be thankful you are not the one in his condition. On the sex thing, i dont care how much pain or how sick you are, you can still have sex. Sex is not that hard to do nor does it have to require that much energy, it probable helps him relax more and de-stress a bit. Be compassionate.
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I know it's not much help but my husband is the same darn way! Except he's in his early 20's. I think they use it as an excuse to not do things that need to be done or so they'll get "babied." It does get old and I've never seen someone so sick in my life.
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My husband of 14 years is the same way. He suffers from depression and anxiety. Years ago, I believe some was contributed to his drinking and recreational drug habits. Now that he no longer does those things (for many years now) I believe it must be some sort of osychological response?! Over the holidays he will become sick and unable to attend a family function or 2, always mine not his family. Also, I would guess at least 3-4 x per month he sleeps for 2-3 days at a time saying he doesn't feel well. He takes medication for anxiety, depression, ADHD, and blood pressure and has went to one counseling appointment regarding his ADHD diagnosis. His drive is nonexistent so that part is different for me. He misses work A LOT- says me who may take 2 sick days a year. He has trouble holding down jobs. Now necessarily due to illness always, but it has lost him a job and gotten him a bad reference as well. I feel less than sympathetic. I don't mean to be that way but after 14 years of similar behavior. I mean EVERY HOLIDAY he is sick for some function. I had a recent tragedy and he was almost unable to participate as my partner and support because he was getting so sick. I became borderline hysterical (to myself not to him) and begged his mother to contact him. That worked. I still worry it is some substance abuse only because of the patterns & just because of history?! but If there was a mental diagnosis I could attach to it ... I could research and understand. At least I know I'm not crazy or alone.
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I my god I thought it was just me. I just now googled 'husband always sick' just hoping to connect with anybody out there who understands. I have gone through all the diagnoses myself trying to figure out what he has. I do think he might be pre-diabetic which causes a lot of those symptoms but I've tried to get him to a doctor and he gets defensive and insists he is fine. We've been married 15 yrs. I'm tired of being the strong one. When will someone be strong for ME? :(
I don't know the answer. I fantasize about having a life without him but the thought of leaving him makes me feel horrible. I guess that makes me co-dependent or something. We have 3 kids. He's great at his job. Has so much energy and mental alertness for that, but never any for me.
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I feel for all of you ladies as I am in the same situation that I cannot be sympathetic anymore. My husband would stay late watching his tv series and after a while he would start sniffling and coughing and having asthma attacks, then difficulty breathing, then panic attacks same scenarios all the time twice every month. I swear I sound so horrible for telling him off all the time asif I am the most uncaring person in the universe.
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Oh my gosh, I love this thread. I am reading all of this outside hiding in my van not to be bothered! I take care of 4 young children and a husband that is always sick. Colds, flu, sore from his work out, allergies, sinus infections, tired all the time- you name it. He is handsome, and smart, an makes great money and  is amazing at work- he gets several awards and big bonuses in fact- but when he gets home- it literally is like taking care of a child. It is the strangest thing! I love him dearly- I just cannot comprehend how or why he is always sick. Weird! I mean, seriously guys- I am mentally about to go crazy. I want to give to him and be supportive obviously- but wow- this is getting really, really strange

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I feel ha sister. Don't feel bad- your reaction is totally normal.
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Oh man, I'm so sorry. I fell your pain- you are not alone!
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Totally not alone ... that's why I performed this search. It's frustrating to hear day in and day out "I don't feel well" -- but with mine ... there are no visible symptons. He's early 60s and it seems that he finds it easier to complain about not feeling well than to get busy and do something. I am so tired of hearing "I don't feel well". He postpones making doctor appointments, which just make me believe all the more that he is not geniunely ill. I'm obviously growing apathetic instead of sympathetic and it's sad, but reassuring, that I'm not the only one facing this.

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Omg. Thats my husband exactly. I love him but cannot take his verbal abuse when he does not feel well. Im going crazy just want some happiness
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Get him tested for Tickborn infections ie. Lyme and coinfections ASAP. Preferably find an LLMD (LYME LITERATE DOC).
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Thank God I found this thread. I too was googling "husband is always sick" and came across this. We are in our early 30s, have 3 young kids, and whenever something stressful is about to happen at his job or holidays come up, he wakes up with a headache and can't seem to get up to go to work. He complains about not feeling well all the time and yet WILL NOT take care of himself. He refuses to eat healthy food, drink water, exercise etc... He had pneumonia a year ago (legit, but completely gone and has been for 11 months) but now, everytime he has a tickle in his throat, he says it's the pneumonia. He was even tested for Lyme disease but that was negative. But when football and hunting season come around, he magically always feels well enough to go do that. I'm exhausted. I'm having to do everything for our family by myself. But it's really good to know that I'm not alone. 

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Lyme disease tests are at best 30% accurate. Lyme is a clinical diagnosis. I would get your husband into a lyme literate dr. Asap. I went misdiagnosed for 4 years because of negative tests from the cdc. I finally found the right doctor and after 2 years of abx im almost back to full health. Please don't waste any time.
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My husband has been practicing 'old age' since his mid 30's. He is now in his early 50's and got the old-man-walk totally down. He complains DAILY about anything and everything, may it be tired, exhausted, skin sore (tiny pimple nothing else), not pooping, pooping too much, being dehydrated, headache, cold, hot...just anything.

I am burnt out with his constant daily complaining, all he wants to do is make me worry (this family depends on his income). My mother was a life-long complainer to make the children give her love and affection through compassion...my husband knows this and is now practicing the same when all it does is piss me off. I want peace, happiness and a freakin LIFE.

On days where he can't come up with anything to complain about he makes up other c**p like " the car is too old would hate to break down in the mountains" to keep from having to get up off his lazy ass in front of that TV, he loves more than anything, to keep from having to be on his 2 legs and move. At times I wish I could literally beat some sense into him to make him snap out of his 'dream world'.

Men are pathetic

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