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Okay, so what do you do when you don't feel like your parents love you as much as your sibling, or appreciate you as much, or care about you as much?

I have an older brother, he's four years older than me, and I feel like my parents love him more then they do me! it sucks! They always feel sorry for him, and make up excuses for him, and do everything for him and are willing to help him out no matter what...but thats not the case for me! I know it sounds like sibling rivalry but its not! God forbid I ask for help with something, they complain about it, so I often end up just doing it myself.

So he's the oldest, he's suppose to be more mature, and responsible, and smart, and helpful, organzied, ect...

I'm the baby so i'm suppose to be immature, takes risks, act out, be outgoing and spoiled.

according to the experts anyway, well its like total role reversal...

My parents always say that life is never fair for him, like are you kidding me, the kid gets pampered! and why, I have no clue, he got bad grades in school, skipped a lot, did a bunch of drugs, drank, crashed my moms car completely because he decided to go street racing with his friends, never helps around the house, is totally selfish, can go out and stay out as long as he wants and never has to let my parents know when hes coming home....

Well i'm am total opposite of that, and get no credit for it, I get good grades in school, I help clean around the house everyday, I take care of my dog (because no one can remember when to give him his meds) I always have to tell my parents when i'm coming home and can never stay out late, I can only go to certain places with the car (yet he can go where ever!) i'm totally responsible and prove it to them everyday get they try to somewhat baby me still, and I guess because i'm a girl i get different rules (which is so dumb!)

He has four photo albums of him when he was young, I have one! and I don't have a single picture of just me and my dad, yet my brother has millions! my moms excuse is that he always took the pictures, well then how does he have so many? I was in a sport, and so was my brother, well I had to go to all of his games, him and my dad never went to a single game of mine! I remember asking my dad to help me practice and he promised he would but never did! but he did with my brother! I remember my brother and I used to take turns in the front seat of the car, well when it was mine turn my dad like never talked to me, but he would talk on and on with my brother. I remember I hurt my myself and couldn't walk, but he refused to carry me. He makes me feel insecure, my dad basically called me fat when i was 10 (and i wasn't) so now i hate eating infront of him. he's mentioned to me several times that he never wanted me, that my mom did so thats why I was born (ya makes me feel loved right!)

My mom...so babies my brother like no tomorrow!!! does everything for him!! homework, laundry, gets up in the morning with him, gives him money (even though he has a job) thinks so highly of him! is always so worried and concerned for him (hes a big boy he can take care of himself!) always says how life is so hard for him, and nothing never goes right for him (where she gets that from i have no clue, because our lives are like the same!) shes hurt me so much emotionally, the things shes said about me to other people and what she thinks of me, it hurt me so bad i bald my eyes out!! she said she would never do it again but she always does. I no longer trust her, i don't tell her about anything that goes on in my life, which she hates, but she lost my trust so its her fault! i gave her chances and we've talked about it before but nothing ever changes. If i tell her something the whole world has to know about it, don't know why she can't just keep things between us! and god forbid i make a mistake, i hear about it for years, but my brother smashed a car!!

I never hug my parents, it doesn't feel right to me, and i don't want to...and i never tell them i love them (nor do i hear it) like i know their my parents and i'm suppose to love them, but i don't know that i do....its really sad!!

so yes, i guess you can say in some ways i'm jealous of my brother, not totally, like i'm glad i'm not like him, but ya...

my parents are pathetic...

so do parents really and truthfully love their children the same?

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Hi honey! I TOTALLY get what you are saying, as I experienced that with my younger sister - still do! I am 45 years of age and my sister i 42 and we have ZERO tolerance for each other! When we got older we both said that I was treated FAR worse than she was! And my mother agreed! It was VERY liberating that she actually admitted it!

As a parent I love my boys TOTALLY the same BUT in different ways! I can't love them for the exact same reasons - because they are TOTALLY different people! BUT my heart beats the same for them - that is 100% true! And I make sure by asking them that both feel equally loved!

My mother - the main culprit - was treated just as bad by her parents as I was so I NEVER got it!!! I didn't undrstand how she could endure that pain, but still inflict it!? She hated when I laughed, cried, etc and was jealous of my relationship with my grandad and my dad! This came from her security! I have a feeling that your brother is more touchy feely than you and their relationship is TOTALLY different - he is always acting needed and wanting their help, so they are always in "Parent mode" Treating him like a baby!

Have your parent EVER talked about their childhoods? Do you know what their relationships were like with THEIR parents? Because for some reason some parents duplicate that experience onto their children!
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Like I love my brother, he has his days of being nice and non selfish, but he doesn't really act like an older brother in my opnion. But i'm jealous, I guess, of his relationship with my parents.

I thought every parent did love their children the same, but one day I was in the car with my dad, and he basically did admit and was sorry for not being there for me and stuff like he was my brother, for loving him and helping him more.

What do you mean more touchy feely? like will give them a hug? he doesn't just go up and hug them, but he won't turn them down like I do. I don't know, I honestly feel like my parents don't know the real me, like they see me as stubborn (which I am I guess, i'm a taurus, what can I say) but I also think its a defence mechanism (sp?) I'm very insecure, and shy and quiet, and very sensitive, but to them i'm tough (again a defence mechanism) ... My brother, he's very outgoing and kinda of like whatever, thinks only of himself and doesn't think about others and the impact he has on them. He doesn't act like he needs their help, he will even tell my mom to back off, but to her its her baby, her first born! Even my dad tells her to stop.

ummm....My dad is the oldest of his family, and he has two younger brothers...I know life was tough for him, his parents are european and his dad was really strick...their kinda like old school, in roles, like the girls do this and the guys do this kind of thing. He and his dad didn't get along every well, he moved on in his teens to live with my great grandparents...but they were able to mend their relationship and all is good...but him being the oldest was tough for him...I guess i'm kind of like my dad in many ways, like he always acts tough and hides his feelings...I kind of do the same, only because if I do cry their like "here we go again" kind of thing so i stoppped! he's stubborn too...but funny like me, we joke a lot...but again i'm sensitive so it doesn't always go well, but I think I joke to hide whats going on.

My mom lived a good life, she too is the oldest of her family and has three younger sisters...she got along well with them...they moved around a lot because of money problems, but nothing big....no abuse or anything...everyone was helpful and treated equally as far as I know...she loved her life....my grandma is blunt (shes said things that have hurt me too) but my mom's never mentioned anything hurting her, and they have a good relationship. I'm like my mom in the way that shes sensitive (but like I said I hide it, so she doesn't think I am until I break down) but my brother is more like her I guess.

I don't know, it's dumb, and I hate it, and it hurts me...but i've built up such a wall (to not get hurt anymore, even though I do) that I can't fix the problem, and to me fixing the problem is to move out and be on my own like I practically am anyway (independant wise, and responsibility wise, and keeping to myself) ...so I don't have to deal with the c**p anymore.

And then everywhere I go, people are always like "your so quiet" I wonder why...because I don't matter! And I do everything on my own, because I can't depend on people to do it for me... I hate it!! I want to be like my brother in some ways, and again, in some ways i'm glad i'm not.

Even in my relationships with my boyfriends never worked out, because I don't need them, when really I do...I'm not used to feeling loved and wanted...and it takes me awhile to warm up to my friends (because i'm afraid of getting hurt)

It sucks!! Like I get why I am the way I am, but I can't change it...in someways I like myself, and in a lot of ways I don't.
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You know what is funny I thought you were a boy?! RU? Because if you are a girl - this could have something to do with it as well! The reason why I ask is this - you stated your "boyfriends" so I thought "OK he is either gay or a girl!"

With my mom it was different, I was SO much like my dad that she HATED it! And my sister was so much like her, my dad couldn't talk to her!! But unfortunately my dad always worked away from home! Perhaps your mom feels more needed by your brother - even though you need her, you have learnt to put up a wall! And also he could be more like her or your dad - and she GETS that! Is this right? NO|!|! and the only thing I can tell you honey is to write it down and hand it to both of them! Print off these pages and let them read that their own child is in SO much pain, he/she has to reach out to strangers on line to get some understanding! As a mother I would DEFINITELY be affected by that! You aren't doing this to hurt them, you're doing it to be HEARD! You are human and want to be SEEN and HEARD Correct?! So why don't you give that a try? Because IF you move out I can guarantee you it will be YEARS till this gets sorted out! It wasn't till my mother died - when I was 36 that I FINALLY had a relationship with her! So it's time to break down the wall, and let them see that their child is in a bad place because of THEIR actions!
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I'm definately a girl ...lol... I also said "and I guess because i'm a girl i get different rules (which is so dumb!)" ...lol...

what could being a girl have to do with it?

I dunno, my brother will say something or make a comment and she'll be like "you are definately my son!" because its something she would say or do, (and in my head i'm always thinking how i'm like that too, but to her i'm not!) and if I try to talk to her and get frustrated (because she won't listen and understand what i'm saying) shes always like "you are just like your father" like its a bad thing, everything bad I do i'm like my dad apparently, and everything good I do i'm like no one (to her anyway) ... I get what your saying I guess, that she thinks he's more like her, so she can relate better to him? (is that what your were saying?) But I apparently relate to no one :-( because, even though i'm more like my dad, he can't relate to me because i'm a girl!

But thats the thing!! I have tried so many times to talk to both of them!! especially my mom! And i'll end up crying, and she makes excuses, or denies what i'm feeling, or says I shouldn't feel that way and blah blah blah and then she'll end up crying because she feels bad I feel that way and then somehow turn it into her needs...so then I shut down because yet again, i don't get validated...No matter what I do! :'( (when really, she should appologize for me feeling that way, or her making me feel that way and see why I feel that way and try to problem solve the situation.) but it never turns out that way EVER!! One time she wrote an e-mail, saying horrible things about me and made me feel like c**p!!! sent it to my aunts and stuff, so i printed it off, wrote all over it saying how everything made me feel, and distinguished (?) the truth amungst all the lies and handed it too her because i was way to hurt to talk to her, and she like comes marching up the stairs into my room and yells at me because of what i did....like are you serious!! almost didn't talk to her for like a month! my dad was on my side for that one at least!

If i did print off the pages and handed it to them, you know what would happen? she would want to kill me for me making her sound like a bad mother and humiliating her (which i would understand, but she wouldn't get why i did it or care about whats going on)...thats what would happen! (again, it would be all about her!) and then my dad would be pissed at me for making her upset!

your correct! all i want is to be understood and wanted and loved and appreciated!!! and for her to stop hurting me and saying horrible stuff about me when its not true at all :'( but because i tell her nothing, she knows nothing! i don't like it to be that way, i want to have a mom that i can go to and talk about whatever, but i can't...its so bad that i didn't even want to tell her that i got my period, but i had no choice, thats the only reason why i did...rediculous i know but ya! and she embarrassed me with that too, and almost didn't care and thought i should be able to go to school, even though i was in a huge amount of pain and had no protection...what was she thinking!?

so how do you break down a wall? ... did you have a wall? how did you break it?
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NEVER point out the obvious to a menopausal women!!!!! ;-) XD XD XD If I forget my kids names I'm sure I can forget that you are a girl!!!! ;-) XD XD

Anyways, the reason why I said that is that when you decide to become parents, you THINK you are going to act this way or that way, and feel this way about your child, BUT when reality comes around, you can be good at one thing and not have an idea about another! I ALWAYS wanted 7 kids - 5 or 6 boys and 1 or 2 girls! The reason for the lower ratio is that I did NOT want to repeat what I was put through with my daughter! I am VERY close to my boys, we talk about everything, BUT I don't know how I would have been with a daughter! I would hope that I would have treated and loved her the same, but I'm not sure! Is that fair? Of course NOT!

When you talk about your dad, even though he mended his relationship later on, it was already too late! There is an expression "Show me the boy of 5 and I will show you the man" This means that personalities are believed to be set by 5 years old! So since he endured several more years of his parents, this would have changed him forever! He probably learnt to block his feelings and thus is FRIGHTENED to received those emotions from you or give them too you! It's a defence mechanism! What you need, he hasn't a clue how to give! Your mother is a different one for me, IF and I really mean IF she had an Idyllic childhood and was close to her sisters then I don't think she has an excuse! BUT I doubt it was idyllic, if truth were to be told there WILL be some jealousy or SOMETHING that she isn't talking about! She sounds sensitive - like I am - and is worried all the time about her kids! IF you aren't huggy with her, whe will reach out to who is! It sounds like she is needy and needs to be loved by her children and NEEDED! If you are more self efficient that your brother, then she will instinctly gravitate towards him - because she can be there and over compensate! I TRULY think that both of your parents love you, they just aren't giving you what YOU need! You NEED to be - Validated, Loved, Listened too, Respected, and to be told and treated that you are a valued member of the family!

Unfortunately a lot of people look at crying as a weakness! When I cry infront of my husband or boys - out of upset or anger - I will be SO mad at myself, and all 3 of them look at me with irritation and sometimes anger that I am SO emotional and they aren't!

So what is the answer? Every family is different, BUT what I do know is this, IF you are not validated soon and shown that your ARE loved, this will be VERY detrimental to your family unit and will NOT be rectified! So the best thing I think you should do is SIT them down and TALK too them face to face - no brother in sight! And tell them just how devestating this is for you! Start out with this "Mom and Dad, I want you to listen to what I say, I might cry, BUT I need you to listen to me as this is VERY serious .. then itemize what they do differently and just how BAD you are feeling! End it with "Most of the time I think you and I would be better off if I just moved somewhere else, THAT is how serious I am, I am BEGGING you both for some change, and if neither of you are going to change tell me now so I can look into other accomodations, because this is breaking my heart and it can't continue! Aslo bring up what you dad already said to you - and notice your moms reaction! You NEED to tell them what hearbreak you are in then it is on THEIR plate and for THEM to deal with!

I truly think - because your grandma is blunt ith you - that this just idn't start now - I think she has ALWAYS been blunt and sometimes hurtful! So instead of your mom being blunt with you she avoids you - to break that cycle - does that make sense?

Just know honey you are NOT alone OK? Just put it all on the table and try and correct it before the damage is done permanently - as it was for my mom and I! And also my husband and his dad! Parents have a LOT to answer for sometimes honey, and you have to rememebr that it's not all their fault, sometimes it's nature or nurture and their own individual experience!

So be calm cool and collected and give examples OK?
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lmao!!...opps, sorry XD ya my mom calls my brother my dogs name sometimes...so funny!!

Ya, its true...you can become better, but there is still something of your past that comes through...like my dad's temperment (he never hit us like he was hit, but he still gets angry like his dad) I hope I can be a good mom in the future, I want three kids, 2 girls and a boy!! lol maybe four...

Really!! so by 5 it would determine the way i am now?! crazy! ...ya his family isn't the touchy feely type either. And i honestly don't think he has a clue on how to raise a daughter....maybe if he had a sister it would have helped! becuase even sometimes with my moms emotions, he doesn't know what to do and freaks out, and then it hurts into an argument.

I really don't think there was any jealousy for her and her sisters...she really did love being the 'big sis' to them...i know with my one aunt she was really jealous (also the middle child) but i don't think she was...shes kinda like me and mature and responsible...but i guess my grandma can be kind of cold, and my grandpa, hes an odd man ...lol... but in a good way

my mom is sensitive, and worries for my brother. But WOW! i must say you opened my eyes a little...i guess moms do like to be needed, so it makes sense for her to go to my brother i guess.

and i think you hit the nail on the head!! "I TRULY think that both of your parents love you, they just aren't giving you what YOU need! You NEED to be - Validated, Loved, Listened too, Respected, and to be told and treated that you are a valued member of the family!"

Thanks! i really mean it!! i will try and talk with them and see what happens, one more try! and if it doesn't work out, i'm sending them to you!! lol I know its not all their fault, i know some of it is from what they were taught, and lets face it, i can be difficult at times i suppose (if you were too look up what a taurus is, i'm everythign it says i should be! emotional, yet strong minded and stubborn, and patient and calm) lol

thanks for opening up my eyes!!
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You're welcome honey! Remember there are a million books for pregnancy and how to deal with toddler tantrums etc. BUT no one writes a book that says "What do you do and say when one of your children think you don't love them the same?" Right? I am a Cancerian and a Dragon so I will fight to the death to protect my own, BUT have a soft inside and can be hurt terribley by words! I was a scrapper when I was younger and always was BUT if someone - like my parents - said they were dissapointed in me or worse, I was DEVESTATED! So just remember that your parents from year to year are just learning the ropes! They have never had a teenage daughter before now right? So - especially your dad - looks at you like an allien and really doesn't have a clue what to do with you!!!! ;-) XD XD XD

When I was little I was Daddy's little girl and my granddads little sunshine! So when I got older my dad changed towards me - because I was changing! And it became "Weird" We didn't snuggle anymore, he didn't wrestle with me anymore etc - because I was NOW a woman and he was SO uncomfortable with that aspect! And I guess this is what happened with you too! They just don't know what to do! It's the same with my husband and my boys! When they were little - no problem, he was in there like dirty shirt! BUT as soon as they started talking about sex, girls, masturbation etc, this was him o.O :$ :O o.O o.O :$ He shut off! And it was me that had to discuss ALL of this with them! It's funny my boys will just come up to me, right in the middle of Oprah and just start talking about penises, girls etc. I TRY NOT to look like this o.O BUT it's hard! I want to be the one they go to about ANYTHING! But it's difficult!

I am the neighborhood mom so to speak, and 2 of my eldest sons girlfriends come over all the time to talk and hang out - as their mom is bipolar - so I was talking to them one day and one of them said " I don't get my mom, she told me we can talk to her about anything and when I told her I was having sex she went balisitic!" o.O I was like "Your mom wanted you to talk to her about drugs, boys etc, NOT about how much sex you have been having for crying out loud"!!!! So another way to look at it is this, your parents MIGHT think that you might be having sex and don't know how to talk about it! And also your brother might be ugly and NOT with girls or ever will be, so they are more relaxed around him!!!! ;-) ;-) ;-) XD XD XD This is a good way to look at it don't you think? ;-) "Oh I get it the reason why they don't show much compassion towards me is because they KNOW I will have a partner, where my brother NOT so much!!!!" ;-) ;-) XD XD XD
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It's so true...he really doesn't know what to do with me...and hates it when i'm around boys

Ya I remember my dad always giving me piggy back rides to my bed at night and then tucking me in and hugging me goodnight...and we would walk to the store all the time together and hold hands...and wrestle too...and he would always walk me home from a friends house when it got dark...and play video games together...and he would always let me stay up late when my mom wasn't home...I guess I just kind of miss that...never really realized till now, just how much our relationship has changed, because I grew up like you said.

Really... your boys are that comfortable talking about that stuff? ... my brother and I would never talk about that with our parents, EVER!! lol ... we don't have that close of a relationship to do that, and my mom would make it feel so incredibly awkward, and my dad would leave the room...lol...I just leave my questions to myself, or talk about it with my friends (which isn't a reliable source!) ... Life!! Not easy!

Lol...nice analogy...ya, thats the part i hate about beinging a girl...their way more strict with me, and i hate it...my brother has done way more things then me, and yet i'm more responsible...it sucks...i talked to my dad about that and he's like, "its not you i'm worried about, its the boys out there i'm worried about" ...still shouldn't have to suffer because of it, i grow boobs and this is what happens, but i get wheres hes comming from. But then he should be worried about what my brothers doing out there with the girls! o.O
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I know it's unfair, but I have to say I'm just as guilty as every other parent out there! I am on here ALL the time giving advice to teenagers about protecting themselves with a condom etc, and my eldest knows this, so the other night he said "Heh mom I'm going to a party with some REALLY hot girls so I will be a little later than usual!" So I swallowed and said "Do you have condoms?" He said " I think I have 1 left! o.O " So believe it or not I told him to put a box on our grocery bill - when he went shopping for me! I told him NOT to mention it to me at ALL! So he came home with my debit card and I said :Thanks lovey for doing the shopping" and he looked me in the eye and said "NO! Thank YOU!" I told him to b****r off!!!! XD 8-| BUT after that I thought there is NO way I would do the same if I had a girl NO WAY! I would shut her off to the world! Is that fair NO! It's just a worry, SO many young girls are trying to get pregnant, ARE pregnant, and they are younger and younger and it is TERRIFYING! And just like your dad says He's NOT worried about you, he is worried about the boys out there, like your brother and other friendsd of theirs sons etc.

My youngest son is disabled so he has taken up more of our attention than our 17 year old! BUT if history had repeated itself my son would have felt allienated and unloved, IF we hadn't broken that cycle and made sure he knew that we loved him equally, but we needed to be with his brother more! And your parents will b gravitating to your brother more, because he has shown lack of judgement! Almost like you DONT give them worries like he does! I will tell you a true story - just thought of it - several years ago (about 12) my sister was SO rude to my mom and grandma, like really disgusting rude, Fing and screaming etc! And they said NOTHING! I looked at my mother in disbelief and said "What would you do IF I had said and done that?!" She and my grandma both replied "Well we know that you would NEVER do that and we don't expect it from you!" So there it was in a nutshell, they HAD to take this from my sister and KNEW that they were never going to get it from me! And I think it is JUST the same for you and your brother!

The reason why I am SO open with my boys is that we could NEVER talk about sex or "women things" in my home! And I got myself in a LOT of trouble when I was young! We couldn't even say the words "Sextet!" So I vowed to talk openly with my boys and they are just used to it! They get FACTS instead of fiction - don't get me wrong I do swallow a LOT and keep looking like this :-D while they are asking me stuff! But they are at ease with everything and will hopefully ALWAYS be sex savy and be protected and treat girls like human beings instead of conquests etc.

I think if you REALLY look back - just like the things you and your dad did - and what is going on now, I think you WILL come to the realization that they DO love you, but your brother just needs them more! Believe me honey they WILL know things are different between you and them and I'm sure that hurts them! BUT how do you man up and say this to your child? How can they turn and say "I know we have failed in showing you how much we love you"? That's a heart breaking conversation that I am glad I will never have to do!
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Hi...so I did what you told me to do...my brother went away for the weekend, lucky him! ... so yesterday during/after dinner I decided to talk with my parents about how i've been feeling, once again.

My dad surprised me, actually wanted to listen this time, my mom reacted just how I thought she would...But I told them how I didn't feel loved as much, compared to my brother, and how i'm jealous of the way they treat him compared to me, and of their relationship...My mom started to get upset and stuff, which I understood, and started to say how she does this and this and this for me and blah blah blah so how do I feel that way...so I took a deep breath, instead of shutting down and walking away, and said the things that you said that opened my eyes, like how my brother and I are different and I know their relationship is different and stuff and that he does need you as much as give yourself to him, but let her know that I needed her too, and how...my dad actually brang up how he felt they did pay way more attention to my brother, and kind of neglected me in some way...think my mom almost had a heart attack! and kinda of disbelieved it (but whatever, baby steps!) we did we talked a bite about the past, and how things are now between us and talked about what changed. and stuff...my dad said I will always be his little girl, which made me happy :-D but then we talked about how i'm not a little girl anymore! and how i'm responsible and stuff and that I didn't think it was fair that just because i'm a girl I get different rules and stuff, so we kind of worked that out a bit...I get to stay out later and go more places with the car!! (YAY freedom!! i thought i would leave out the part about me having sex and going to some parties, because then i would be locked up for good!!!) (thats the one perk about me being me, i look really young and innocent, which i kinda am, so they don't sespect that kind of stuff from me) but i told them i needed to hear more that they do love me, and appreciated what i do around the house and stuff...we talked about my brother a bit too and how i feel like he gets babied a lot...he's 20 okay, and i'm 16! ...my mom said how i'm not always an easy child, and that i don't let them in (again which is true) but then i talked about why i'm like that and how many times shes hurt me and stuff and how i don't feel like i can tell her stuff and that i will work on it if she works on not hurting me anymore with the things she says...i wanted to go on more but then she was no longer interested in what i had to say, because apparently "she doesn't do that!" so i tired to say how i understood it would make her upset and stuff and then she got mad at me and ya!

so i got somewhere i guess, more with my dad, but its something! still don't get my mom! don't think i EVER will...went better then how i though it would, but she still acted how i thought she would!

so annoying! i don't know how things will ever change if she doesn't start to realize it and change! That night, when i went to bed, i was walking up the stairs and said goodnight to them, and that i loved them (something i would never do!) and my dad yells back "goodnight, and love you too!!" my mom just says "goodnight!" :-(
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It's baby steps honey! As a sensitve mother i will tell you something about our "strangeness"! When I was younger - and I'm sure your mom would agree with me, I always thought I would have these kids and I would be TOTALLY open withe them and then they could learn through my mistakes and be the PERFECT kids and they would go to school and we would ALL be happy and when they became successful and had TONNES of kids we would live in a great big house and everyone would come over and just walk in etc etc etc! I TRULY believed and wanted this! I saw a LOT in my young life - terrible abuse, alcoholism etcetc, so this was NOT going to happen in my house! My mother told me she loved me when I was 31 years old!!!! That is how long I waited for those words! When I said to her 'That is the first time you have told me you loved me!" She said "Oh I'm sure it's not, there has to be another time!!!!?" o.O 8-| So my children would hear EVERY day that I loved them and they HAD to say it back - even if they were ticked off at me! My children know about my horrible upbringing so they "Get" that I'm weird and overly emotional, so they would NEVER say "I hate you etc" as they know this would DEVESTATE me! BUT with your mom she is obvously slightly different to me, as she isn't that needy! BUT when you child comes to you and bascially tells you that you ahve failed as not only a parent BUT as a MOTHER! It hurts BIG Time!

My son is in a rehab school right now, from coccaine addiction! I was DEVESTATED! I felt I failed him! And one day - in group family therapy, he mentioned to me that when I was working 2 jobs - day and night - he felt like he lost his "buddy" and was all alone! I was DEVESTATED that my child felt abandoned by me! It took a few days for me to realize and take in what he said! And believe me She IS thinking about this OK? She is just letting it absorb! DON'T give up OK? Say it again today, tommorrow etc, and when she DOES say it = and she will, make that a normal part of your life OK? This is what my mom and I did! She died from cancer 9 years ago! :'( And for 2 years of her battling there wasn't 1 day that the words "I love you" wasn[t used! So please be aware that she is hurt OK - of course you are - but you are a VERY mature young girl and seem to really understand what I am telling you! So hang in there OK? I KNOW your parents talked a LOT last night and I KNOW your mom did a LOT of self analysis! And I'm sure your dad heard a LOT about his comment to you! 8-| ;-) So hang in there kiddo OK? OH and 1 more thing do NOT have sex!!!!! XD XD XD Big hugs and get a moniker for crying out loud! IF I have to answer to 1 more "guest" I'm going to scream!!! I can't keep track ;-) XD XD
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There...is that better for ya? XD no longer "Guest"

I know its baby steps...but its really frustrating!! Like i'm trying here, really trying!! But it hurts so much when I try and get nothing back in return...just validates more of what i'm feeling! ... I know i've hurt her, and it hurts me having to say the things I did to her, it really did because even I wished it wasn't true when it was, I would never want to hear what i've told her either, but I would want to change it so it doesn't have to be like that, so it doesn't have to be true! Like would you not want your kid to feel that way anymore and do whatever it takes to make sure they don't feel that way? .......... But anyway...i will give her time and hope she comes around :-) actually...never really thought about this till now (something about you makes me think of stuff and understand stuff i never thought about before...weird lol...guess you have that affect on people!) but i actually don't really remember hearing my grandma or grandpa say to my mom, or anyone for that matter, that they love them! o.O like they call and check in and write it on birthday cards and stuff and say their proud of us but don't remember hearing those words!! (i could be wrong, but if i don't remember it then its probably not often enough!) so i guess thats why i don't hear it :-( now i feel worse for my mom!

And i'm sorry to hear about your mom :-( Glad you got to share the words "i love you" with one another :-D

Doesn't everyone dream of that? the perfect life that doesn't exist? even i wish for what you wished for...lol...like exactly that!!

Don't worry XD my friends parties and good parties 8) .... and their like me, mature but fun and good in school lol sometimes theres alcohol if their parents buy it (my parents have NO idea!! thankfully!!) but were responsible! no drugs, well thats not true, two of my friends do it but no one else does so not really sure why they do but ya whatever....again, not like my brother, he always went to parties and got loaded and was smashed and did a bunch of drugs and c**p (again, like you said, took up more of parents time because they didn't need to worry about me) he still does it, but no where near as bad!! think he stopped the drugs, only now he can go to bars and buy his own alcohol...so hes matured a bit lol

Sorry to hear about your son, hope hes doing good, at least hes willing to get help too :-D you know whats werid too, my parents used to go out every night before (whether it was to the store or for walks or to peoples houses or whatever), and it was just me at home while my brother went out and I hated it!! and felt like i was all alone!! (which was weird, becuase what teen doesn't want the house all to themselves? lol thought thats what i wanted but i didn't!) so i told them, and cried for no reason lol, that i didn't like them being gone all the time (even if were not in the same room, just knowing their there is all i needed, i'm really weird!!!) so then they started to be home more, but sometimes i wish they would leave XD

And are you trying to be my parent in telling me to NOT have sex because they don't know? XD ;-) 8-|

Thanks for listening and talking and helping and sharing your experiences and your views!! it really helps!
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Hi Honey! I am 45 years old BUT those memories of my childhood and being a teenager are like yesterday! I can say what was said and done to me per batum! 20's? not so much!! ;-) XD XD Your mom - like my mom - wasn't told she was loved, she WANTS that for you and your brother, and believe me thought about that ALL her life! As she would have gone to other friends houses and the words "I love you" Would have been used and this would have been your mom o.O so you going to her to tell her that you do NOT FEEL loved is a slap to her! Because she thinks that she is "Doing the best to her ability" It takes a LOT of self analysis and giving yourself a slap on the head for missing the clues and missing out on being a good parent! So right now she is licking her wounds, but she WILL come around OK? Why wouldn't she, you a sweetheart!

When my mom was 1st diagnosed with cancer - sorry the 2nd time - this is when I decided come hell or high water I would start telling her and I did! At first there was COMPLETE SILENCE then after a few times of silence, I said - looking into her eyes - " I LOVE YOU!" And she replied "Yes I love you too!" Then EVERYTIME after that this occured - she just didn't have a clue how to say it! Even though that sounds silly doesn't it? BUT we are what we know and have been taught by our parent and environment - and unfortunately that is a VERY hard obstacle to overcome! BUT I have faith in her!\

And YES I am telling you "NO SEX" As a mother figure - I KNOW what all you dirty teeangers get up to!!!!! ;-) %-) XD XD Remember I have a 17 year old and I can hear an ant fart!!!! LOL So I tend to turn down the TV and listen away to his conversations on the cell phone! I just file it for later ammo!!!!! LOL ;-)
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Lol...you are sooo funny!! XD you remind me of my aunt! (your not my aunt right? o.O just kidding) I love her! She is JUST like me, or well i'm like her, and everyone thinks i'm her daughter because we look idential, and she has a sarcastic sense of humour which I love!! And shes so nice, and you can tell she loves her kids and her kids love her... but anyway, too bad you can't be my mom lol no offense to my mom or anything haha or at least I hope I can be a good mom like you!!

The atmosphere in the house is just weird, and I don't like it! And its weird being around my mom still, I don't know what to do or say! I really think she doesn't like me, everything I do or say she gives me a weird look and then rolls her eyes, and I didn't even do anything!! or i'll try to lighten the mood and joke around and she gets so mad at me, so i'm like okay, never do that again!! (but yet if my brother does she laughs >:( ) And if I put on a shirt, shes like how come your wearing that one instead of the other one (maybe because I like this one and it makes me feel good!) can't she just say I look nice, I don't criticize what she wears! Like no matter what i'm never good enough for her :-( And everything I do or say is bad or wrong or not how she likes it! i'm better off just going out or staying in my room all night. Thankfully the weather here is HOT, which is weird for may, and I need a tan!

Maybe I should shake her a bit and get her to snap out of it!! And appologize and force an "I love you" out of her! It is so weird though, because even I feel awkward saying to my parents, but I can say it to my friends no problem (not all of them, haha, just the ones I really do love and care about) ... My mom is around your age, maybe its her menopause LOL what can it do to you anyway?

No one else thinks i'm a sweetheart :'( they see me as the >;) (well my parents and brother anyway)

And were not all dirty teenagers maybe like you were XD haha and i don't have sex that much, the first time scared me, because it hurt so bad, to never want to do it again!! o.O :$ but that fear passed XD

And just so you know...I HATE when my mom does that!! and i swear there are times she doesn't hang up the phone! Thats one of our many trust issues...lol...but I do it to her XD only because now she stopped writing bad things about me, because I read them, so now she talks about them, and quietly too, so i'm sure i can hear an ant fart too LOL ...do you go through their rooms too? I think I have a little OCD so my room is just right, and I can tell when shes been in my room, she never puts stuff back how I had it...so annoying! ... like really, what are you trying to look for and listen too anyway? (really I want to know!)
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