Couldn't find what you looking for?

TRY OUR SEARCH!

I feel like dying every day and day..............But i just keep on keeping on (rofl from joe dirt) and wait till something happens......Life is a endless dark portal, i wish it could just end.......

Loading...

User avatar
New Hope
18 posts
Xingeh,

Why you're feeling so depressed? How old are you?
Sometimes I'm overwhelming with similar thoughts but they just disappear in few moments.
I hope you will share your experience with us since we're very interesed in such topics.
I like the term "endless dark portal". It sounds like you're SF writer. :-)

marcusm
Reply

Loading...

Hi! I feel like that as well, but the thing is that I wasn’t always like this. I used to have a lot of friends, and gang out with them quite a lot. Then my best friend got killed in a car accident and everything changed. Now, I don’t even feel talking to people and especially those that I don’t know, and I am trying to avoid them. Sometimes I wish that things would come back to normal, how they were before but sometimes I just don’t care, and I just live with no particular reason.
Reply

Loading...

Lori...Im exactly like you, Ever since my parents got divorced, my favorite dog died (lol), and 2 of my family members died...I feel like total sh*t, Im 15, ever since all this happend ive noticed i gained lots of weight to, and i have no idea, i dont remember even starting this thread O_o, I never dream....Only time i dream its when i have a "nightmare" or when more and more of my family dies, Right now my faimly rejects me most of the time, especialy, my dad, mom, and sister...and for some reason i NEVER want to be at school....For no reason...Last year i used to skip everyday, i just couldnt stand to be around so many "happy" people...I cant explain it. Maybe im in just stupid teenager. I remember being active alot, and I avoid everyone...I feel like a poop stain in society.....And this also bothers me, as i wrote in another thread.

This is probaly the most retarted thing you've ever heard because.....I know whats good and i still dont do it......Im like that with my mom and dad also, i dont know why, its just natrual, i live with my mom, she works practicly all day, and i hardly see her, maybe 1-3 hours a day, but mostly like 1 hour everyday, Only reason why im like this...is probaly because she wants me to be what she wants me to be, She wants me to be like this, she wishes i was like this, she wishes i wouldnt wear that kind of clothes, and it pisses me off because, she wants the "perfect" son.......I have no communication wtih my father, and my sister and i cant get along, so im basicly alone all day, besides at school.

So bam, Im All alone most of the time......................So as you can say im a loser with no life :roll:

Reply

Loading...

I would also like to add, when i had lots of friends, used to be in shape, used to be active, and used to talk alot, i never felt sad or depressed, now im "over-weight", Dont have many friends, Not very active , and hardly talk alot, and theres one reason thats really bothering me that stops me from talking to alot of people........its my voice....I mumble alot, my voice is to deep so that causes me to mumble and i HATE IT....Most of the time when im trying to talk to people, im either trying to LOUD so people can hear me and that gives them the idea that im angry with them or something, or talk normaly, when people think i dont care, and they cant understand me.......GOD DAMNIT!!!!!!!
Reply

Loading...

I try to think why this is so, and I don’t see a reason, and everything seems worthless, I can’t find my role in life, I don’t even like doing anything anymore, all my interests are gone. Sometimes when I meet some of my closest friends, I feel ok with them, but when I go home, I am alone again. And I think if I should ask for help, or if this is just a stage that I am going through…I don’t want to start with any medications because I am afraid I will become hooked on them and I certainly don’t want that, I just want things back the way they were. Do you have anything you enjoy doing?
Reply

Loading...

Well, only with my friends, I do have a hobby i guess its playing this one game at the arcade called ddr, and wasting tons of hours playing mmorpg's lol, thats about it =/
Reply

Loading...

Do you find your situation dangerous, or you believe it will go away? I sometimes feel so bad I think I will burst but sometimes I am ok. But when I am in a bad mood I can’t think about anything else but that, I am always negative, and my behavior is rather weird. Like I pay no attention to why I say and all my reactions are impulsive which is not good when I think about it later. I don’t know if I should seek counseling.
Reply

Loading...

On a scale to 1 to 10 on how i feel about killing my self...I would say im in around 5 ...I want to do it, but i dont want to do it, I have counseling at my school...which i hate....All counseling does it makes you feel even more like a dumb ass and useless person for saying why you want to do it, and them finding out, i dont belive that bull sh*t about "telling someone how you feel or something your holding" How in the f*****g hell does telling something to someone make you feel better?....I dont get it....If i have something to say i say it, Now their saying i must be depressed or something, f**k that sh*t, im always all "tired" looking and "sad" looking, Even when im with my friends thats how i am, i think this "DEPRESSION" sh*t is just a way of being sad.......How is being SAD = DEpressoin? Their basicly the same thing, its just an excuse to get you on some pills. see how a stupid f**k I AM, sh*t i know That this is COMPLETE BULL sh*t but i Still think its not. f**k i need..............Candy
Reply

Loading...

I mean, I don’t think about killing myself. I am just having problems understanding if this problem is big. I look at depression like any other illness, just like pneumonia or something like that, like a physical disorder. It is just like your thyroid gland doesn’t produce enough thyroid hormone, so it happens with neurotransmitters that are responsible for our emotional state. When there aren’t enough neurotransmitters in the brain, we feel blue. But, most people don’t realize that and think that this blue mood can be solved by strong will. And even though I sometimes feel like I live with no will for living, I surf the net and read what people are saying on forums about their depressions and I see how they fight for their lives, I see how much they want to feel good, and sometimes this gives me the strength when I am blue. You say you have counseling at school, I think this is actually good, you shouldn’t be so negative about it. Whenever I talk to somebody I learn more about myself and my feelings, I see through them, and this also makes me feel better.
Reply

Loading...

Dear Xingeh,

It’s been two months since we talked and I remembered you and I wanted to tell you what happened to me. Like a month ago I finally got together with this guy I have been in contact for the last 6 months. We get along very well and I am really enjoying his company. The reason I am writing to you is that ever since I am with him, I had only few down moments. When I am with him, I forget about everything and he does make my life more interesting. So, I think that people can make a difference in our lives and I wanted to recommend you to maybe work out things with your family or try to be more kinder to people or even get a good friend. It really helps being around people you feel comfortable with.
Reply

Loading...

I also suffer from depression and every day its a full time job just to make it through alive... I am one of the unfortunates who cannot find any a/d's that will make me better, they all make me WORSE!!! So i have taken the 'its like getting rid of the hiccups' approach... i feel like i have to ride each day out and focus on not letting the horrible chemicals in my brain get the better of me.... it is so HARD!!!! its like telling someone in a wheelchair "GET UP! youve got legs, you can WALK!" So I must continue this battle for fear of taking any more a/d's and being thrown off the edge!

I feel like there is no escape from my own mind! and now get this.....

I have just lost my sister (2 years younger, my BEST FRIEND) to suicide!!! She was on effexor again after being told that it worsened her already escalating anxiety attacks! So as you could imagine, i am also fearful of what those ads will do to me... my sister and i were like one person... feeling simutaneously each others pain and not even knowing it!!

I have a 13 year old sister who is showing signs of self harm... so i MUST be strong for HER!!!!

and... GET THIS!!!! I might be PREGNANT!!!!!! Oh shiza.... this is a rough track I walk... now I must walk it for my sisters....

Yet through all this adversity, as the weakling perso I am, I have found strength through this loss. Alsmost as if my sister were guiding me... I seem to have so much clarity when it comes to why we are here and what we live for...

Its not for material things, or even places... its for love! your friends and family are the most important thing in our lives... take them away and then who are we? we are lost souls.... searching for our lost soul mates subconsciously...

sorry for the rave... when you lose someone close all you wanna do is spew your guts to everyone and tell them how precious life really is... even when all you can think about is death.... I thank my sister for this strength...

She has shown me that it is not DEATH that we want... for if you look inside yourself you will find that you fear it more than you know!!! What it is we are looking for is release from the pain... We don't want to die! We just don't want to LIVE anymore.... so for our families, we must stay strong!!! However we need to do this, we are all different, ifinite possibilities/rights/wrongs for infinate beings.. Try not to lose sight of the bigger picture (those that love you) thy are always out there 'seeking' you...

Bleh, sometimes I think ive gone loopy... have i made any sense to anyone? have i helped anyone? can anyone help me?????
Reply

Loading...

I'm no longer a young man, but I can tell you I know what rejection in school is like, (kids always made fun of me for the silliest reasons), tough times at home (my dad left our family when I was fourteen, and mom had no job), and all the rest. The way I made it through is this, and I'm just sharing it with you; you can do with it what you will.
I chose not to look at the circumstances, or the problems. I chose to look at Someone who claims He can get me ABOVE the circumstances, and His name is Jesus Christ. Other kids chose drugs or alcohol, or sex. Those things provide very little in the way of satisfaction, and it doesn't last. But when I gave my life to God, through the Lord Jesus Christ, (not through the church, but through a Person), everything in my life fell in place.
I am now what some teen agers probably call "old", (52), but I have NEVER regretted that decision I made when I was only 14. I still have things in life that frustrate me, and things I can't figure out the reason for, but I cling to His hand, and read His Bible, (the King James Bible), and regularly attend church, not to be a "goody-two-shoes" but to learn more about what Jesus did to prove to me He loves me, and deeply cares about me. And I'll tell You, He loves you too, and deeply cares about you.
When you humbly come to Him, the debilitating depression, sorrow and guilt will melt away. He longs to do that for you, now, today. If I can be of any help to anyone out there, e-mail me at dogs-r-us @ juno.com
(Don't include the spaces.) I'll be happy to help. -danny boy-
Reply

Loading...

Xingeh wrote:

I feel like dying every day and day..............But i just keep on keeping on (rofl from joe dirt) and wait till something happens......Life is a endless dark portal, i wish it could just end.......



You're not the only one who feels this way. I feel the exact same way. This life of meds. and off the wall moods is not for me.
Reply

Loading...

I think about dying everyday. I forget what day it is, what time it is, time to eat, i can't sleep at night etc etc.

Too many to mention. To those who are curious if it's normal to think about dying everyday, that's a big NO.

Living day by day w/ no meaning and lack of positive outlook in life. You wish you would just vanish, not wake up in your sleep.

I'm still experiencing this everyday as i posted this reply. To anyone experiencing the same depression state as this.

Just keep trying, never let go and have faith that things will go your way one day. Life has it's ups and downs.

Everyone gets hurt once in awhile, to some it's more often. Just keep working on it, the feeling will come back. "Happiness"

The worst thing you can do in these situations is to do Nothing. It's like standing in the middle of the railroad and wishing the train would just come and run you over. Living has a lot to offer, and it's not perfect.

Get up and start improving. "Slippery Slope" That's depression for me. It won't stop spiraling out of control if you let it.

The more you get destructive the more it hurts and gets worst. Focus on being positive and stop being negative.

"My life would never be the same again" You can never know that for sure so stop getting ahead of yourself.

As we go through life, we learn to cope w/ our troubles in life. But if we don't do anything about it, we won't find it. And if your not finding it, your not looking hard enough. Never give up. Life is hard enough as it is, your making it more difficult by beating up yourself that much.

Reply

Loading...