Iv never put up a blog before but I need help I'm regretting my decision sooo bad.I have 3 children already 15 9 and 1, I never knew I was pregnant been getting alot of back pain went for a mar scan they stop it and told me to contact my gp,which I did was told I was pregnant I was devastated as I got made redundant on my maternity leave and my daughter is 1 can't find the balance of having three I then told my GP needs an arranger termination I called to book assessment in the clinic which was a week after the visit to the GP, a few days later I was getting really bad period pains I thought I was having a miscarriage I went to the hospital and they done a scan and told me I was 7 weeks pregnant I was devastated as I thought I was early days, o just wanted it sorted stright away. I went to the clinic I had a scan and then they told me I was having twins I was in shock  as it never happened in my family before  i lefted the clinic stright away called my other half. My partner my mum told me they are a gifted from god,it's a miracle as twins are not in the family I've been started having panic attacks I was so sure I wanted the termination my partner was totally against it and my Mum was disgusted with my decision I booked to have to havr the termination then I cancelled I booked again and then cancelled and then I booked went there and had the termination after having the treatment I woke up and I was in floods of tears it didn't hit me until the day after when my partner stop talking to me and told me he sure he's not in love with me anymore as I never thought I would have went throw with it there and my mum said she needs time out and she's really hurt with what I've done I'm not a fan of the religion I don't have too much believe and now I'm in a bad place I really regret what I've done because all I was thinking about with me how am I going to manage financially my oldest Sons GCSEs  too this year i spoke to him about it he was like mum its going to be too much I live in a two bed flat and now I'm feeling really really depressed. I wish I could turn back time