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Two weeks ago I went to the clinic to have an abortion, I found out there I was pregnant with twins. Which doesn't run in either family but I am in my mid 30's. It tore my heart but still went along with the abortion because logically it made sense. We couldn't afford or even want one baby and I was carrying twins. I have 2 other older children that were giving us the time just days before the abortion. It made sense to end it, we couldn't afford them, we couldn't handle 2 more children. Its two days after the abortion and I completely regret it, anytime I think about it I bawl. Doesn't matter what I'm doing; watching a movie, taking a walk or go to the bathroom. I understand some of this is hormones especially since there were two and my hormones were higher. Has anyone gone through this that might be able to give me insight on if and when I'll quit my uncontrolable crying? Will it settle when my hormones do or will I always be sensitive? Please no prolife replies I'm suffering enough. Any insight that's relative would be appreciated.

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I had an abortion. I couldn't afford to have a baby and my grandmother helped me realize that. I was in a state of despair right after the abortion but my grandmother helped me through it. It still hurts after 5 years and I've come to terms that it was the right decision. You have 2 other beautiful babies that need you and all of your attention. It'll get better, it won't go away, but you'll come to notice that you're okay.
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Where do I start...I myself went thru the almost exact same situation many years ago. I was seperated from my husband and just started a great job that took me forever to finally get and during my second week at wor I find out that I am pregnant! I freaked..not now..what am I going to do, there was no way I could handle another child as I had a young son already that I had when I was 16. All of the signs pointed to me having an abortion. So, I made the appt. and my best friend went with me. When they first took me back they asked me how many weeks I was and I told them "about 7 weeks..." and so they did an exam and the doc said was I sure about how many weeks I was, because I felt too big to be only  weeks along. I told him that I had only had sex ONE time in the past 3 months and if wasn't close then it was the second coming of christ, so he seemed satisfied with that and I was taken into the room where they performed the procedure. It wasn' easy at all to do, I was crying the entire time and m BF was outside the door singing to me..something that only took just a few short minutes seemed to take forever! After he was done, he took the container and went into an room right next to the one I was in. One of his nurses assisted him in the room. The door was a litle ajar and I could hear the doc talking t the nurse as she was writing down what he said. All I know was I heard the doc say"..multiple gestation at 8 weeks" and I yelled! The doc and nurse came running into the room asking me what was wrong and I told them what I thought I heard them say and if that meant what I thought it did? The doc looked right at me and said "Yes, I was carrying twins and I was just about 8 weeks along". I had no idea...like you, twins did not run on either sides of the family. I was very upset, but I knew I already was unable to care for one child..there was no way at all I could have handled two. Over the next few days I was an emotional roller coaster, so I called the docs office to ask if this was normal. I was told that Yes, it was very normal because of the sudden hormone drop, but I should begin to feel better emotionally in 3 or 4 days. They were right, the really bad days were just the first 2 or 3 days, after that I still was upset, but it wasn't the same as at first. I knew I couldn't change what I had done and that I did what I had to do. I went thru all of the "what ifs.." and nothing I thought of changed my mind about the choice I made. I know all too well exactly how you are feeling and my heart goes out to you.It will get better..I promise. All the best to you!
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Thanks guys it helps knowing I'm not just going crazy. It's the third day and it's getting better I'm not thinking about it or crying as much but for me it's still pretty bad. It's good knowing that my regret will always be with me.(not that that's good but it's good to know what to expect) Before I did it I never saw a single post anywhere about a woman who went through this and regreted and had such a horrible experience that I have. I was given pain meds but I the pressure and cramping that was explained to me was freaking painful. To me it wasn't tolerable and I'm sure that adds to my doubts of actually going though with this because it's just a negative on top of a negative. Right now all I can think about is I was given twins and I just aborted them and never gave them to chance even if they both survived? I don't think about the what if's I just think about how I feel my body go back to normal and all I think about is how I miss my babies. Weird! I've always hated being pregnant but I know it's not the pregnancy that I miss- I miss my babies. I worked last night for the first night and it was hard, I work in a hospital, I go into some rooms and start watering or even walking down the hall. Of course I blame my contact or allergies...:) I sometimes wish I could be like others that have posted they have no regrets and they're glad they did it because right now this c**p hurts still. Like you said it'll get better and I feel it has already.
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2 Years after the abortion I had, I found out I was pregnant again and I was happy. I had the perfect relationship (my husband now) and I wanted this baby. So i went to my first appointment and sadly found out that there was no heartbeat, I broke down and cried for hours. I blamed myself and said that this was punishment for my abortion, but i learned that it wasn't. Some things just happen and they have nothing to do with the past. This feeling was worse...but again. It passes. It'll always be there but one day you'll be able to breathe and say, I'm happy right now.
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I'm sorry for you loss sometimes life throws us curveballs and I hope soon I can breathe and say I'm happy. Which I am happy I have two kids even though they are teens and the oldest gives me a hard time. I have a partner that is great, especially right now. I've always have been happy, it's life there is good and bad but it's all mine and I love it. Just right now this emotional roller coater is nuts. I'm glad you have gotten to a point where you can breathe and say your happy right now. I'm sure for me it'll take time especially sense it's only been a few days, these days have just been horrible. I really appreciate your feedback and experiences, it's good to know these emotions are normal and one day I won't be feeling as bad.
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