I am a very strong person..always dealt with "life" and its hard times very well. So im 28 and have recently immigrated. My partner is older than me and has 3 kids from a previous marriage. Whome are with us every other day. My and our relationship is great. As they all still under 10 too.
I found out in Jan that i was pregnant. I was excited yet very scared as ive just immigrated..its only been 2 months. I also had issues if i was going to be able to stay in country or not...and cant speak the language 100% either. (His from here so that why i moved)
We have spoken about marriage and having kids..just much later. When i told him..he was shocked yet very excited. 2 days later he comes home changed completly. Telling me we cant have baby...he is scared he will loose his kids as its soon for them and infact for us too. So we did agree on all of the above. But then he said abortion. I was devastated. But it broke my heart seeing him so terrified that he going to loose his kids if we have the baby...or if i leave and go home. (Which is just not an option with my folks) would be NO support.
So. I hate myself...but went through with the termination. I was 10weeks. After i woke up..i regreted it. Then told him im ending things i want to go home. He begged me to stay..convinced me...we deserve everything..just wasnt right time. 6 months later we have had ups and downs.
Im more settled..startrd working. Things are great. We are great. I just have so much hate for myself. Have breakdowns approx once a week. Then i hate him. I blame him. Sex since then is very rare then too. He is dealing with me and my emotions...and his own. (He doesnt talk much about it) and doesnt wanto. How do i get over this..and not hate him...and work through this?
Dear, please don't hate yourself. If it still hurts, look up Rachel's Vinyard. They are a group who help women who are post abortive find healing.