I am 51 and single after 21 years of marriage. I am one of those mothers who left her husband, children, and my life behind. At 19 I had my son. At 27 I met my future husband. After 4 miscarriages, we finally had our daughters, who are now 16 and 19. I've tried to commit suicide 4 times, twice as a teen and then in 2006 and 2012. I have clinical depression and borderline personality disorder. My parents divorced when I was 1. I lived with an emotionally and mentally abusive mother who did not allow me to see my dad growing up. I haven't talked to my mom now in 18 years. I've forgiven her as best as I can. When I left my family 2 years ago, I partied, traveled, and had a job for the first time in 17 years. I left my girls with their dad because it was the home they grew up in and it made sense to me at the time to do so. I am living in a house 5 minutes away from them so I could still be close. I was very unhappy in my marriage and wanted a divorce 10 years ago. However, the kids were young and I did everything in my power to make it work. My ex is a great man and great father; we simply fell out of love. My relationship with all 3 is very good, with my son too. I see all of the kids often. I am now grieving the loss of that family and being in my kids lives everyday. I had to leave in order to still be alive, but I feel selfish. If I could change things, I would go back, suck it up, and try to live a normal life. Thank you for letting me share.