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:'( i need to know what to do know that my husband hit my son. He knows what he did was wrong but i dont know if i should let him back in our lives or if i should leave him. I am so confused i want to protect my kids but i keep making excuses for my husband. He is on medication but it does not seem to be working and has an appointment to see a therapist. I am so angry at him for this but at the same time i fell so bad for him that i told him to leave. I fell like i need to find a place for him to stay and make sure that he is eating. He asked me if he got better if i and the kids would want him back. For the kids i would allow it if he gets better but i dont know if i can be with him again. This is not the first time he has got so angry that he has hit someting. He is always hitting the dog and screaming at me i need to know what i should do. Will he continue to do this? help me out here with some advise

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Me personally? I would take the kids, dog and myself and leave him. He sounds unstable to me. He needs help with anger control issues.
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Thank you brikka for your concern about my mental health and my user name.
Being "weird" and being abusive are 2 different things. No one should allow another person to abuse them, mentally or physically.
IMO, there is a difference between discipline and abuse.
If the person above thought that her husband was discipling either her child or dog, I doubt she would have posted this thread. I believe that she posted it because she feels he has crossed that line to abuse.
My apologies if I misunderstood her.
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I believe you should get him into intensive therapy, and KEEP HIM IN IT EVEN IF HE STARTS TO SEEM BETTER!!!

My father was supposed to be getting anger management for his problems, and yet he would stop as soon as he heard something he didn't like (like you don't throw your daughter into the wall to get her out of the way)...or he'd stay in counseling for awhile and then he would start to get better...and then he'd stop going, and things would get worse again. He was an alcoholic, and was very sexual with both me and my sister...I do not have to see him anymore because of the abuse I went through with him from the age of six to a few years ago (I am seventeen now). But he is still in my sister's life, and he finds ways to make life not so great for everyone involved, whether it is verbal, physical, or sexual abuse. Lately he's just been sticking to the verbal abuse...I have never felt the same after the last time he threw me into the wall, I hit it head on the wall and-the only word I can think of that properly fits is 'stubbed'-my neck...it has never felt the same, for weeks it hurt very badly, and the doctors could not find anything wrong with it, but I have to constantly massage and twist/stretch and pop/crack it...I will not go into detail of all the things my father has done, but I do remember the bloody nights when I got bloodstains all over my wooden floor...Abuse never gets better on its own, it gets worse, much worse...and if you let your children be abused, they will often get stuck in the cycle of abuse, they will become abusers or abuse seekers...If your husband hits your children again, do not give him another chance, because they could end up hurt, or even killed.

You do not ever let someone hit your children and get away with it...this does not mean revenge, but you must get your children away if this EVER happens again, no matter how sorry your husband is...Do some research on abuse and abuse hotlines, just Google it, you'll be able to find help if things do get worse...

I will pray that you all can live healthily and happily together
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brikka wrote:

Listen, you seem very discouraged of your life, I have to admit, I was spanked when I was a kid, its normal, you gotta raise your kid. I believe your more likely to make your kid a delinquant by leaving your husband. If you gonna leave every man that seems a bit weird your life is not going to end anywhere, this american mentality has to end, or you will soon have a spree of divorces. I believe you should maybe talk to your husband, let him talk to you, explain to him things, and don't act so "oh my god he hit the dog" your over-reacting and therefore are shocking him, and your whole family, what do you want him to be a sweet little puppy, well unless he's gay your not going to find that. men are agressive in some ways, if you make him take medication, its even worst, since he will let all the anger at once, work with the problems, dont work with medication. please, it might help your family.

and pghfoxfan, we are all unstable in a way or another, i might call you unstable by the fact your nick name suits that you are a fan of something so irrelevant in our life that you might be considered insane by many. Wachout how you state yourself, or you might end up in a mental institue one day the same way your critisize others.



You are being quite inappropriate in your posts by verbally attacking others whose opinion you don't agree with. Well, thats life, and they are entitled to their opinion. And I happen to agree with both of them. A woman doesn't need a man in her life to make it complete, nor to raise a happy, well adjusted child. Especially not one who is abusive toward young children and animals.
The point is this: Well adjusted people do not hit children, or animals. Period. There is never a reason to do so. Have you ever seen a dog (or a child) that has been abused extensively during its life? Its not a pretty sight, I assure you. What remains is a quivering being, scared to death of all things human. It takes quite a lot of love and care to bring that being back into a comfort zone. A child raised in a loving, violence free home will more often than not grow up to be more stable than one who is raised under abusive, even violent conditions.
Oh, and the statement you made about all men being 'aggressive,' unless, as you put it, they are gay. Well that is just plain wrong. I have no idea how you were raised, or under what circumstances, but not all men are aggressive. Most men are more civilized than that. Aggression is a trait commonly found in criminals, and mentally disturbed people. It is not a trait which is normally exhibited by a well adjusted, 'normal' adult male. And that does not make them "gay."
Violence is NEVER the answer.
Bottom line is this: A woman and her child (or children) should never feel forced, or threatened to stay in any relationship they feel is destructive, or harmful - in any way, whether it be toward them, their children, or both. Violence and aggression are strong arm tactics for those who lack the mental capacity to work through things in a more adult like, and civilized manner. I believe you are suggesting that she must stay with him - regardless of anything he does. And if she disagrees with him, for whatever reason, she needs to keep quiet about it because hey, after all, he is a man. Its perfectly normal for a male to be agressive? I, for one, do not agree with that mentality.
Its 2007, and women have come a long way in this country, and in many ways. And its about time. There is still much work to be done, but there have been tremendous strides made in the quest for equality. It is long overdue. Life is way too short to have to settle for anything less than total contentment, happiness, and safety within any type of relationship. And that, is my opinion...
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I seem like a well adjusted person,too,but from time to time I spank/hit my child when he is acting in a way I deem unacceptable. Ive talked to many people about this and I'm not saying its a black/white thing,yet most black people agree with me that its ok while white people do not.
Some people believe its never ok to hit a child and I disagree. I guess it depends on someone's definition on child abuse. A swat on the hand b/c that child was about to touch a stove or hurt themselves I think is ok.
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It's always nice to hear how unneeded men are. Your husband hit your kids, so what? If it is abuse, then everyone here can feel all good about offering advice, but it's illegal to not report. If it's discipline, then support him. If you think a child doesn't need a father, perhaps study a bit and you will quickly find that a child needs both parents to live a healthy life. Anyone who tells you otherwise has little to no credibility. A study by Dr. Dobson says children deal with less anger issues when raised in a house with unloving parents than raised in a single house, and he is not the only one. But if it's abusive, then get out. It seems to me though, if you really thought it was abusive, then posting on a forum is a stupid thing to do and you need to grow up and become a responsible parent by protecting your child. If it's discipline, then why is he the only one doing it?
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Well, I dont think its stupid. I am in a pretty similar situation. It's not about "he is abusive-or not", she is not irrisponsible as a mother to not report teh abuse; she is talking on that she fears he is crossing the line based on that he seems to lose selfcontrol, so it's very natural she is keeping the children away from him as a first step but yet doesnt know waht to do. "Losing control" is something very different to "being disciplinary", or even "being aggressive as a man". I have lived with a person like that- it's not about reporting, as you wouldnt wait until it comes to an extreme where you can report it as you wont be obviously be able to prove a slap. But if this slap is out of a loss of control, and she says she fears him, that is her guts telling her the guy is not ok. And she doesnt want to risk her childs giving him a "second chance"-If it plays out bad for her, the ones to pay will be their children. It's not easy at all to be in that situation.
And sorry, but getting away to someone who turns out to be unstable doesnt mean you wont have another partner all your life or even your children may find the father figure in some other family members. Thats really a weird statement to do. What do you mean if you live with your abusive (or lets say unstable father) you will be a model son/daughter but if you live with a single mom you'll become delinquent? Thats very chauvinistic.
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I GOT SPANKINGS AS A KID WHEN NEEDED. AND I MUST SAY IM A GREAT PERSON AS AN ADULT. AND GROWING UP, I DIDNT DO THE STUPID THINGS MY PEERS DID BECAUSE I KNEW IF I DID, MY POPS WOULD GET ME! I RESPECTED MY ELDERS, DID GOOD IN SCHOOL AND LISTENED TO MY PARENTS. KIDS DONT KNOW BOUNDARIES AND THEY WILL PUSH IT TO THE LIMIT UNTIL YOU POP THEM BACK INTO REALITY AND IF YOU DONT, THEY MAY END UP HURT OR DEAD. ABUSE IS ONE THING. DISCIPLINE IS ANOTHER. MY SON IS 3 YEARS OLD AND AT FIRST, I WASNT FOR SPANKING HIM. MAYBE A LITTLE POP ON THE HAND. HIS DAD, HOWEVER, WAS THE OPPOSITE. HE DIDNT ABUSE OUR SON AT ALL, BUT HE SPANKED HIM WHENEVER HE GOT OUTTA LINE. NOW, ALL HIS DAD HAS TO DO IS LOOK AT HIM AND HE KNOWS TO ACT RIGHT. WITH ME, MY SON WOULD TELL ME NO AND CROSS HIS ARMS AT ME AND TALK BACK. I STARTED TO SPANK HIM LIKE HIS DAD, AND NOW I DONT HAVE ANY OF THOSE PROBLEMS. LITTLE GIRLS AND BOYS ARE DIFFERENT AS KIDS. BOYS ARE LIKE TORNADOS AND GIRLS ARE WAY MORE TAME AND THEIR PROBLEMS COME LATER IN LIFE. BOYS USUALLY ARE THE ONES YOU HAVE TO SPANK MORE BECAUSE THEY CAN BE RECKLESS. MY BOSS HAS A 5 YEAR OLD WHO'S BAD AS HELL AND SHE WONT SPANK HIM. SHE'S CONSTANTLY BEING CALLED BY HIS SCHOOL BECAUSE HE DOESNT ACT RIGHT. I KEEP TELLING HER TO SPANK HIM. SHE WONT. SHE THINKS DYFS IS GONNA GET HER OR SOMETHING. BUT SHE GOT SPANKINGS AS A KID SO I DONT GET WHY SHE WONT SPANK HIM. SHE TAKES THINGS FROM HIM AND THAT DOESNT WORK AT ALL. IM WHAT ONE WOULD CONSIDER "OTHER" BUT I CONSIDER MYSELF A "BLACK" WOMAN AND OF COURSE MY BOSS IS WHITE! BEAT THEM NOW OR BURY THEM LATER...OR VISIT THEM IN JAIL OR IN THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE THEY DID SOMETHING THEY KNEW WAS WRONG AND GOT HURT B/C THEY KNEW THEIR DUMB PARENT WOUDLNT DO ANYTHING TO THEM!
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that ******* probably deserved it. You should appologize to your husband and tell him you are sorry for getting angry. Your son needs to be disciplined more often. Your husband was in the right.


***edited by moderator*** ** inappropriate posting**
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If my husband was to hit my dog I would leave him. If my husband were to hit our child I would call the authorities and have him arrested for child abuse. If you allow your husband to abuse defenseless animals and children you are as horrible as he is. I understand if you're afraid of leaving him because its hard to be single parent but I would seriously rather scrub toilets that live with a man who treats animals that way and hits a child, unforgivable. Im not judging you its not your fault you're in this predicament it can happen to anyone but don't let this continue please. Stay with him and your life will forever be hell and so will your family's, leave him and you'll have a chance at happiness. That guy is mentally unstable, just so you know most serial killers tortured animals before going out of their minds and killing human beings. LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE.
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Get him out of your house right now, and do not let him back in until he can prove over an extended period of time that he has got himself under control. I put up with years of this kind of bs from my husband who constantly promised he would get help and get better. He hit the dog, he bullied and intimidated me, he smashed our stuff and ruined birthdays, holidays, weekends with his moods and tantrums, and I put up with it for far too long. But hitting the kids is a step too far and if you let him get away with it believe me he will keep doing it and it will get worse and worse. You have to keep your kids safe, end of story. He needs to sort out his own stuff so he is fit to be their father. Tell him to leave, change the locks, draw a line.

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Do you even ha e any kids! His father was right to hit him? Spanking and hitting are two dif things, your a shallow person for even thinking its ok to have a punching bag as a child.
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Spanking is legal. Period. Learn the law for your state. My personal form of discipline which i believe works faster and less physical is plain old ignoring them. When my son starts acting up i say ok, bye. Then i leave the room....he eventually comes to me and apologizes. No one wants to be ignored. I tell him i dont talk or play with mean and bad people.
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What should I do if my partner is beating children? She falls into the shawl and beats them.

it is a good mother?

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