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Hi to Everyone,

I am hoping for some geniune advice - to just help me think straight. I dont even know what is right or wrong anymore. I am so grateful for any advice you can give me. Also I am sorry for the long message that is to follow. Okay so I am 29 years old, and will be turning 30 in October this year. I am pregnant - 2 months. I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for 9 years now.....he is my first. So basically met him when was 20 - lost my virginity to him and fell in love straight away. He started hitting me early in relationship - I think back and know I should left him then.....but realise I was naive. Anyway - my parents hated him - and told me everyday to leave him. I am quite attractive and my dad would tell me I could be with anyone, still I didnt listen. By now he beat me so much and at least 3 times a week - I used come home with black eyes all the time and cuts and bruises. It was so messy - we both smoked weed as well - which didnt help i think. I was so weak and didnt see straight - I just wanted to be with him all the time - regardless of what he did to me. Anyway this lead to so much trouble - my dad and uncles got fed up.....that one day they beat him bad. He ended up in hospital. Forgot to say he always used break our windows and let himself in - when I went home and didnt want talk to him. My family just got really fed up in the end!!!!! which honestly I can understand, but still i stayed with him. After that - he did court case against my dad for beating him. It was horrible - and me like an id**t went court and stayed on his side. Anyway 3 years after all this mess - all the time he still beating me and verbally and emotionally abusing me - I moved in with him..........I KNOW. The beating got really bad then - and also my dad stopped talking to me. When I moved - he told me - think about what you doing?? You could have better than this - but still i left. I total now it has been 6 years and my dad wont speak to me. becoz i left after court case - stayed on his side and went with him - knowing he has hit me. So from that 3 years - i stayed with him - he got me sacked from so many of my work. Because he would come and make a scene. I think by that time i just so insecure. He beat me bad all time - like really bad not just slap. Ok so now been 6 years we been living together - 9 years in total we been together. He has stopped beating me so bad - il say last time was about 2 months ago - but i think thats becoz iv become pregnant now. so i feel ok - he has stopped. He still gets so angry though - like shouts and calls me names - tells me my dad even hates me - no one likes me - i am dumb - all the rest. So now im pregnant - we getting married in september and we have already put deposit down for 2 grand. i am so confused - what am i doing - should i just give up - not have this baby and just leave??? im so scared to tell my mum im pregnant. since i got pregnant he said he going to change and fix everything - he went to speak to my dad about us getting married. but my dad refused to talk to him - even after all these years.....becoz he says to my mum he cant forget how he treated me - and as for me - he cant talk to me - becoz he cant forget how i treated my dad - eg court case. I feel maybe he can change becoz baby - but then he still shouts at me - and says such mean things.....like i said before - i am nothing - my family hates me. I just feel so confused. Please help me.......Thank you very much. I really do appreciate your help.

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Hi magic. First of all, your family does not hate you. They are upset over choices that you have made but they do still love you and I think that's something yous hould remember. I understand that you love this man and you feel like you should stay with him but love is not a good enough reason to stay with someone who abuses you. Abuse is not okay in any form or fashion, and I suggest that you leave him. Since he has been violent with you, you may not actually want to tell him you're leaving since he could turn violent if you do. I know that you do need to get out of the relationship because he is only going to get worse, and just because he has not hit you during the pregnancy doesn't mean that he won't. How possible would it be for you to leave?
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He says he'll change now that you're pregnant, but I think every person who has been abused such as myself will tell you that that is BOLOGNA. He may stop for a while, but it won't be a permanent thing. This man verbally and physically abuses you. In order for him to change, he needs professional help.

I don't suggest--I beg--that you leave him. If you say that he gets violent and breaks windows every time you leave him, I highly suggest you leave him without him knowing when or to where you're going. Get help from the police. Notify them that he's abusing you, that he has abused you, and now that you're pregnant, you're scared he's going to hurt you and/or your baby. I know of a woman whose husband said he'd stop hitting her when she was pregnant. He stopped for a while, but when she was seven months pregnant, he got mad at her and as her punishment, he made her lie down on the bed and he sat on her stomach. That is highly dangerous to both her and the baby. I'm saying this because you don't know if he'll hurt your or your baby. There's no way to know.

Besides, even if he doesn't hit you throughout your entire pregnancy, he may begin again after you've given birth. The child will be strongly affected by this, I guarantee it. Children in abusive homes actually show signs of changed brain chemistry over time. They are more likely to abuse and more likely to be abused themselves. Ask yourself if you want your child to be in this environment.

Please find the courage to leave him. Call the police right now and get their advice on how to do so.
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Hi,

I am so sorry you are going through this. 

I am a divorced mother of 4. My was physically abusive starting shortly after we married, and every time, I told myself things like you're telling yourself right now. He was always worse when I was pregnant, FWIW; marriage problems while being pregnant are often worse than before in DV situations. I had a miscarriage once and without saying more, I'm pretty sure he caused it. I finally left after he got physical with my, by then 9 yo son and son had to go to hospital. 

Nobody can tell you to leave, only you can decide that, but though I'm very much not sorry that I have 4 awesome kids, I do wish they had had a better father and I can tell you they are so much happier now that they don't live with him. 

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Geez hon, what is it that this guy does for you? Seriously? Your dad is hurt right now, but he loves you, i'm sure. When your dad finds out that he is going to be a poppa, things will change for you and him i'm sure.
Go to your parents home and talk to them. Get a restraining order on this guy and STAY AWAY from him. Once he gets used to the idea that your pregnant, the beatings will begin again and he could really do some serious damage to your baby. Your dad and your uncles beat his a** because he had it coming, your daddy's little girl no matter what.
My daughter used to get her a** handed to her on a regular basis, and my son in law was in the army. When he came home on leave he'd slap her around, he slammed her face into a brick wall and broke her nose, he split her lip wide open and pulled clumps of her hair out of her head. She got pregnant. My grandson is beautiful and he is my heart. They are seperated but have been talking about a reconcilliation, (gag) Her 9 months was spent with her husband stationed in Texas, thank God. When he came home and the newness of being a daddy wore off and the ooo's and awe'sss faded, he went back to beating on her. He left her on Christmas Day last year while she and the boys spent the holiday with us. To make matters worse, he took all the kids Christmas gifts/receipts and took them back to the store. We had to do a double Christmas as the boys had no presents from mom now.

Please don't marry this person, (i can't even say man) as you know that it's not a good idea at all. Your dad is worried sick i'm sure. I don't care what excuse he gives you and i don't care if you think you love him, your going to be sorry one day. Then you have all the expense of a nasty divorce and child custody and support and his family butting in because of the baby. It's endless. Who's to say that he may do something to the baby, like kidnap him/her, you don't know, and he sounds like a loon, (sorry)

Go to your dad with your heart in your hands girl. Now is the time to make it right and keep it that way.
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Hi Magic, I know that you posted this just a few days ago but I'd really like to hear how you're doing! I know how trying it can be for you to be in an abusive relationship and I feel for you deeply. Can you tell me how you're doing now? Keep us postedo kay?
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Hello,

I am in the exact position that you are in, but I am gone too far in this pregnany that I have to keep it. I got abused through my whole relation ship with this guy, which is only 2 years. I know how u feel when u say its hard to leave this guy because I feel the same way. I feel miserable and I just need someone there to help me feel loved and needed, but I now choose to feel lonely and alone rather than being with him to be treated like sh*t. He pushed me around while I was a few months pregnant. I charged him several times but still went back. He spends most of the week just drinking and doing drugs. He never has money and lives off his parents. He says he'll be a better person but he ends up being worst than he already is. He denies our baby and that hurts so much. He even say he hopes me and the baby dies, so I am worried about the safety of both of us. I could only imagine what it would be like when shes born. I could have her taken away from me. So Im putting a end to this crazy realtionship. Its not worth the pain and hurt for so long. We all deserve to be treated like queens. Im sure hes out there somewhere if we just wait.

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I am 7 months pregnant and am in an abusive realtionship too. Both myself and my partner were raised in abusive homes. I am so conflicted about what to do as well because I love the person I am with. I have been told he will change. But he doesn't. I wish I had left earlier in my pregnancy. To protect your child from this kind of lifestyle you should leave. That is what helped me decide to leave. I realized that my unborn son's father is going to teach him this way of life. I don't want him to think it is normal to abuse the woman you love. There aren't many people who can change. Don't believe him, he may want to but has proven he cannot by his actions. Letting go is very hard to do. You keep thinking about what if, and how hard it is to be alone like this. Do it for your unborn baby if you can't do it for yourself. Rely on your family for support. Good luck to you.
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