Couldn't find what you looking for?

TRY OUR SEARCH!

I think i just need someone to tell me im stupid and i need to leave....... long story short my husband has anger problems our marriage isnt the best and we argue but the problem is he has hurt me several times physically. at first it started out with throwing me down or against the wall or throwing stuff at me then he actually punched me once in front of my 2 kids. he has a pattern of about once every 6 to 12 months in between those times he is fine but it never fails he blows up about something and hurts me. today he grabbed me by the shirt and lifted me completly off the ground in the living room in front of  my kids and threw me on ground in bedroom ....i promised myself the last time he hurt me i was going to fight back next time wether he killed me becus of it or hurt me badly i was going to be a fighter and fight back..so i did just that i tried to get away from him but he held me down . he has only punched me once but many times has choked me threw me against walls on the floor and left bruises and physical pain. my mind tells me run away and never look back my kids dont deserve to have to watch domestic violence but on the other hand my kids cry and scream they dont want to leave they love daddy daddy didnt mean it etc. (they are 6 and 4 now) and i break down. i dont want to take there father away from them... i think i just need someone to tell me im stupid for staying and the right thing to do is leave?

Loading...

You're not stupid. Don't for a second believe that.

I think you have a compulsion to believe that because of a low sense of self-worth. So let's start this conversation with this: You're priceless. You're irreplaceable. You're gifted. You're loved. You are capable of incredible things.

Being in an abusive relationship has nothing to do with intelligence. However, it often has to do with self-esteem problems.

Anyone can get caught in an abusive relationship and those who don't love themselves enough often stay in them far longer than they should. So here's an assignment. I don't care how silly you think this is, or how much of a waste of time it is. Do it. Stand in front of the mirror and say to yourself: I LOVE AND APPROVE OF MYSELF. I'M A GOOD MOTHER. Say those each twenty times every day to your reflection. Do it even if it feels stupid. If it feels uncomfortable, it's very likely because it's something you don't believe. If you keep saying it, you will eventually believe it. (Think about it this way. How many of us can easily look at ourselves in the mirror and comfortably say, "You're ugly"? It's because it feels true. Change the beliefs you have about yourself. You can do it!)

Now I'll say that I definitely think it's in your best interest to leave. You know that and you're here to try to get someone to convince you of such. So do what you feel is right in your heart and get out of your dangerous home life. Get the help of local law enforcement, friends, and family.

Formulate a plan first. How much money do you have and how can you get some on hand? Where can you stay and for how long? How can you get out in a safe manner? How can you get the necessary belongings together and organized? How can you ensure that if you leave you will not go back? For the latter, I suggest you keep up the sayings I gave you. You can add other ones you think you need, too, such as, I DESERVE A SAFE RELATIONSHIP. I DESERVE A SAFE HOME LIFE.

I can't imagine the pain that's increased because your children are involved. I commend you for taking their feelings into consideration. They're very young and therefore are very concerned about mommy and daddy. I imagine they're scared that something negative will happen as a result of the violence. Children are very emotionally intelligent like that. However, take into consideration the fact that when violence is viewed by children in the home, it literally changes their brain chemistry and hardwires them for violence later in life. The longer they stay in a violent home life, the more likely they are to be negatively effected by it. I understand that they will somehow be wounded by the fact that you will leave your husband. However, will they be more negatively effected by you leaving or more negatively effected by you staying? I think staying in a violent home is more damaging than leaving it.

Speak to your children in the best way you can. Feed them the positivity they need. If they ask you a heartbreaking question, let them know you understand. Tell them you love them, that daddy loves them, and whatever else they need to hear. You're their mother; you'll know what to say. Just show them the love they need.

Best of luck to you. Remember, YOU DESERVE A LOVING RELATIONSHIP. YOU DESERVE A LOVING HOME LIFE. If there's any other help you need, send me off a private message.
Reply

Loading...

Listen, my mother is in the same situation as you are, it's just a phase. How old is your husband? Maybe it's mid-life crisis?
Reply

Loading...

She's Not Stupid It's true ,but a women like her,deserve a man better than her husband !! he hurt her physicly not once but twice and mooore, what is more worst then that !! i have a baby and iam pregnant with an another and i know what she feels because i've been with a husband like him !! she need to talk with him and let him understand that she cannot live lke this ..
Reply

Loading...

I just want you all to know i have decided to leave. im trying to figure out just what i need to get done. ive expressed my pain and feelings with my husband and told him if you dont get help you dont love your family and im leaving. he fits all the signs of an abuser and it always gets worse not better. i know if he doesnt want help for himself he will never change. he tries to blame me and tell me all the things i do to make him flip out and he tries to put me down so he can control me. i dont care how bad a wife i supposedly am to him( i know im not) i dont deserve to live scared and i dont deserve to be physically hurt ever. He refuses to get help so i know it will happen again. Im sick to my stomach and ive tried to hold back my tears all day but I know i can do this. Thanks for the comments guys i really appreciate it. im smarter and stronger than this i know it.
Reply

Loading...

If you want to leave him, do it for a couple of days, maybe a week, at max. Move to your parents' house or something, for a week or two, and see how he behaves?
Reply

Loading...

i dont think he will change and he refuses to get help says its all my fault he is 31 and im 28 its not a midlife crisis and its not immaturity its him. i cant believe i wasted the last 6 years of my life in love with a man like him. i was so nieve.
Reply

Loading...

KIds learn from watching. By watching dad beat on mom they are learning as boys that this is what dads do and as girls they are learning this is what is to expect from a husband. No one derserves this type of treatment. This guy has a serious problem and needs help. I think you know what to do. Get you and your kids out of this situation ASAP before he kills you. Check the stats, many women are killed by abusive men every year. Good luck to you.
Reply

Loading...