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As much as he is having issues, he needs to know that he isn't just playing with his emotions, but yours as well... what he is doing is not going to help you or your kids, and that is going to make it harder for you to be there to support him. I am going through the hardest point in my life, but all i want to do is hold my girlfriend when i have nothing else to hold on to. On the other hand i would make myself a promise if i were you: Explain to him that he has one more chance and if he does it again then its over, but while you guys take this one last chance, try to be as supportive and helpful as you can be towards him.
I know i didnt answer the question, but best of luck
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My wife is bipolar and I deal with the same. At first when she would leave there was such a void I thought I would die. I invested so much in our relationship and now what? Shes gone again. So I started getting involved in other activities more. I love my wife but cannot allow her to be the complete center of my world because she is going to keep leaving. We need to have lives that are complete enough that when they leave the void is small and manageable for us.
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You wrote this over a year ago so chances are he is back home. I hope for you and your girls he has sought treatment...real treatment. I have been married 13 years to my husband who has Bipolar 1. He has moved in and out 6 times; well, actually, if you count how many times he has moved in and out during this episode it would be eight. I don't think there is anything to advise a person living with a bipolar spouse. If you can run, than you should. I haven't been able to (although I may be getting closer). Their is one positive thing about this all for me which is that I have grown as a person. I have been challenged to the very core of who I am. I've tried to believe that I am blameless in the situation and certainly, when we respond out of sheer shock when our loving, kind and "in-love with us" husband transforms within days to a hateful, spiteful, dangerous dragon, it is a reaction to their actions. And I've justified that until this last time. This last time it has become less about him and more about me. See, his brain is riddled in chaos and confusion. He filters everything that he sees and hears through the egotistical mania. And when I respond how most humans would, it only adds to the chaos and makes me an easy target to blame. I am trying to find my own peace. I am trying to find my identity in who God made me to be and the challenge is to find that place in my soul and rest whether he loves me that day or doesn't. Really the only way they win is if we allow them to take our peace and turn it into as big of a monster as they are being at the time. I do believe there hope. But I know there is no hope at all if they will not commit to medication. I also think a twelve step program would help. Imagine the shame that they go through when they come down and are sitting amongst the ashes of what was a loving wife and children. They sink deeper and deeper into that until their brain kicks in again; until some stressful situation wakes up the dragon.
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Well I am countrychick1982. I cant remember how to get back in lol. Its been almost three yrs now sense I have wrote this. Now after this time me and my husband have been together almost seven yrs. He is gone now again. Last week while outside he vanishes. He didnt talk to me for days. Now hes acting like were best friends when he wants to. And Trying to message every girl around. Not sure if it is for sex attention or trying to get over me find better or what. Bc one girl i couldnt believe sorry but she was way not pretty. And he left his bp meds here. Honestly my life was pretty much hell when he was on meds like it was worse or maybe he wasnt stable on right ones. Bc he was taking on mainly for depression then just got on one was suppose to help with manic or balance him but hadnt been on it a week and like i said he has left both meds here. He is just using drugs. And trying to talk to women. I am so confused bc he was the lovely dovey always telling me he loved me and loved me more than anything five mins away from me he said he missed me like crazy. We wasnt away from each other much we worked together and lived together. He missed me a lot when we were apart. He was a sweet loving man and had lots of love for me and kids like i wrote before. But like something in him snaps and hes a different person. Why is he doing drugs and trying to talk to all this other woman not work. I do not understand and how long should it last.And we just had another great three yrs. But what to do now when the doctor didnt ever have him stable I guess or meds made him even weirder idk. I love this man. When its good its great. i dont want to give up if hes sick. But what should I do for now. Wait and dont really talk to him or wait and be there for him like this and talk to him. Or back off help more. He is not happy where he is now said his friends are driving him crazy and drama there no cable or internet hes bored. Well why wouldnt he just come back home I dont understand but its affecting my self esteem evern more bc I feel it is me. And he is trying to find better. Why does he keep doing this? He done it to his first wife from what I heard. How can he live this way if he really does love me? It is breaking my heart and our three kids. Should I file for divorce or wait? Like most of his stuff is here. But he dont have a car now either I had the only car. Like he has to walk now and sit bored. So why is this worth it? Am I that bad u want to live that way? Ive stoo by him and tried to help him and loved him with every bit of me and still do. Should I move on? I dont know if I want him to think I am just stitting waiting. Like I said should even respond to him or not. Its been 8 days now. I hope yall read and can help Please
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I have been living in this same situation for almost 10 years. It doesn't get any better, therapy, meds, and love will help but only for a short time. It is heartbreaking but we need and deserve better, our children certainly deserve better. It is a hard road but it has to be done, what are our kids learning from this behavior? I'm only 38 and he will be 51 and he acts 17. I'm so disgusted right now and it probably isn't a good time to be replying but I am. I cant tell you howmany times he has left and came back!!! Last summer he left on July 17, 2014 and returned maybe 1-3 times for a night or two then he returned in October for sometime and left 2 days before Thanksgiving and actually stayed away for Thanksgiving (that was a first, always spent major holidays with us). He returned 2 days after Thanksgiving and was a reformed person that wanted help!!! it lasted till June 14, 2015 and he left AGAIN returning on Thursday June 18, 2015 had a good week went camping this past weekend and on Sunday June 28, 2015 he took off again!! His meds were changed about 1.5 months ago and I warned him not to go back on Depakote because he was on it before and it caused him headaches and made him very MEAN, COLD and bitter. He didn't listen and he is now gone with now meds and doing God knows what but I know that my son and I are not living like this anymore and I'm moving on- It will be hard, my heart is heavy and the pain is real but I will get through this and PRAY to GOD for as much guidance and strength as possible!! Best of luck to any and all in this situation but in all honesty if you are in it- GET OUT it is in your BEST interest especially if there are kids involved!!!
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Note: my husband is bipolar and off meds for 6yrs. He thinks he's fine.
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I'm curious about other people's experiences with the manner in which depressed partners return.
My ex ( who suffers from depression, takes medicine, and sees a therapist) just resurfaced after a four month disappearance, and sent me a casual text as if almost nothing happened. His apology was far too casual, and he never even mentioned that his disappearance was caused by a depressive episode (I'm nearly certain that it was, I could be wrong) - he seemed to expect that the reason for what happened, and even that it happened wouldn't matter. I kept my response to him succinct, he offered his all-too-casual apology, and we have not spoken since; he has not tried to contact me or explain. This was over two weeks ago.
I wonder if others whose partners have left and returned have also returned in a similarly clueless or inconsiderate manner? In a way his attitude has broken my heart a second time.
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I feel horrible when he is gone - and call constantly begging him to come back.
Usually he blames me or starts a fight so I wouldnt notice it was a manic episode.
Now I know it is him - nothing I do -
It is horrible - it will not change - and he will never accept responsibility or illness is the reason
I wish I had left right from the beginning - it only gets worse - he leaves for longer amount of days and is meaner and meaner\
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