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Hi ppl ,

I was diagnosed with depression and general anxiety disorder .Ive been start to live with this monster since May 2008. Really now i fear that im going to lose it for sure.

I had period of better days . But I dont know if depression or the drugs are fogging my surrondings. I mean everyday life.

I know im not insane at the moment i can speak like a normal guy. From time to time I passed through different psychiatrists and changed different drugs too . I never took very high doses.

I stare a lot of the time. I have negative thoughts striding along my mind. At night i cant sleep well. I have foggy days and cant focus . Difficult speech and trouble how to put words. I have blind spots in my vision.

Did MRI scan lately resulted good . Only that I have some sinus problems. I dont know whats happening to me really im getting scared now. Im getting lazy in doing such tasks. Everything and everywhere seems impossible. I was obsessed on playing snooker at my club , now i don t care about it. Im getting paranoid . Always thinking that my Girlfriend is cheating on me and Im starting to be very jealous of her.
I Cant trust anyone in this world. I only trust my parents. Really i find a lot of support from them.

Really its getting hard to live day after day.....

Im starting doing pyhsical exercises and some weights in my gym ,I hope it will work cause its really my last hope before surronder to everything:((

Urs Gil

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Do NOT give up!!

You must give up, for there is always hope...

I can relate to some of what you are going throug. I was diagnosed with depression, as well as ADHD several years ago.. It can definately be tough, especially when you hit those "lows" that make us want to sit in a corner and cry, or ball up into nothingness, so that the world may pass us by. I too have felt those long and bitter months of waking everymorning not wanting to get out of bed. You have a sense of not only sorrowness, sadness, and being alone, but that of fatigue, helplessness, anger, and resentment for those around you!!

Do not give up, no matter how difficult your trials may seem, so we all have our trials. Others seem to go through more difficult times, but what is important, is how you view your own.

You are lucky indeed, to have parents who love you, and are willing to help you. Not many are given such a blessing. I too had the help of my parents to get me through the worst moments.

spacing out, having negative thoughts, anger at those around us, seeming to get lazy, losing interest in hobbies, paranoia, and resentment are all deffinately signs of deppression. And deppression affects different people in different ways...

What I have found through my own trials and tribulations, through those darkest points when everything seems hopeless, pointless, and so damned bitter that nothing can ever bring us happiness, is a few simple things that can actually be quite difficult to do, unless you have a REAL desire to get better...

Trust your parents, they brought you into this world, love you, and have raised you. There are few indeed who can understand us the way that our parents do.
Do not push away friends or those who love you, there will be a point where you push them too far... and friends, with thier intoxicating joy and laughter can be a miracle drug in it'self.
To change your attitude, you must think differently, (its so hard to do, but if you can begin to understand that life is good, with many joys... the trick is to think optimistically which is so difficult when deppressed)
Excercize is a superb idea!! It relieves stress, and actually releases chemicals in our brain to give us a "natural high" that few use drugs ever experience (i know this personally from being involved in both.) It gives us something to be proud of, work for, and builds our energy levels up to give us strength throughout the nex day (extremely helpful with my deppression) Although from personal experiences, exercise can be demanding, and slow at first, but brings us many rewards to enjoy.
Become involved! Get back into doing the things you enjoy doing. Place yourself around friends who laugh, who go out and have fun (without alchohol and drugs, trust me, self medication is disastorous and one of the worst things you can do)
Do not sit arround and dwell upon things, it only makes you miserable, but find a way to stay active, and continuously do something exciting. Explore new worlds, whether you like to camp, read, or do karaoke!!
Above all, listen to your doctor. Doctors know much more about medicine and what it can do for us then we could possibly undersand. Do not become discouraged when things do not immediately change, but have faith, and patience!!

You are loved by many, and have a friend in me if you so choose. I will pray for you, and hope that I might have helped if only in some small way. You are not alone, in trial, nor spirit.


God Bless
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Thanks man thanks a lot . I feel a bit better
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No problem. I understand that depression can be a b***h. I also know that things will always get better, we just have to have faith. Let me know how you are doing, and if you have a question, or just wanna talk, then don't hesitate to post or even email me.

Don't give up, and goodluck!
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Man i would like really to make new friends like you, because from them u can learn a lot of things how they managed to survive this monster!!!

Sometimes i feel miserable really like when I go shopping in supermarket or by something from a pharmacy . I start speak funny like i cannot speak properly or I dont know how finding difficult to speak and i will say to myself then .'' Why cant I act like normal people?!! I was so funny and outgoing before this thing happened to me!!! '' Why is everything changed to me''? and a thousand questions with no answers:((

I would really like to speak to a person like you maybe ill survive this hell which im going through:((

The thing is that I can still fall asleep at night and I eat regularly good . I have changes in my weight . Sometimes I go up sometimes I lose some kilos...

When I sleep I really enjoy it cause I forget everything , but when I wake up thoughts start to stride along my head and always thinking that I am going to have another awful day, and it really happens

Sometimes i have times when I really cant take it anymore....

Thanks buddy and take care I pray for you always,
Gil from Malta
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Thank you, I understand so much of what you said.

I too was a very popular, outgoing, and funny person before depression kicked in and ate away at my life. It hurt so much, and tore at everything that I was, leaving what seemed like an empty sack of nothingness. I lost all my friends and even became afraid of trying to seek others

I won't be all long and drawn out as I have to run to class, but the best thing is, that things will always get better.

That's the hardest part!! Realizing that things will get better! Then we can start to cope with a monster that consumes us and feeds off of our happiness, and sucks it away from us. Friends are very important as is our family. Talk to people who have been through problems, as well as those who still are. Find out what they have done to feel better and get back on the path of life, and also help others who are going through the same thing, because it will help you both.

You of course can post here, or email me anytime. I stay up late, and I check my email a few times a day. Be glad to hear from you anytime, and I truly thank you for praying for me, I believe that it helps, and I pray for you everyday myself!!

Im glad you believe in the power of prayer, because it truly is real, and has helped me so much throughout my life.

Remember, we are normal, we just have to be reminded sometimes, and things always get better

Take care friend
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Hey people Jack52 and getfunky79. I would like to add to your post, I am a 52 year old male from Michigan and I have all these feelings like you. I have been dealing with it off and on sinse  1985 when my father passed away. vision problems and feeling like I am going to go crazy or die. I worry all the time that something is wrong with me even though I don't hurt or anything. in 2004 I had a sister die and in 2007 my mother and step dad passed away, 2009 I lost my home after 20 years paying on it because I lost my work and couldn't find any work in time to save it.. September 11th 2010 I lost another sister and her daughter to murder my sisters husband lost it and shot and killed my sister her daughter and 3 other people and them himself. then October 2011 someone broke into my brother in laws home and shot him and killed him, and now this is may 2012 in april 2012 my brother in law was told he has cancer and has 2 months to live. I want to say these things have caused my depression and feelings of being lost and alone. I feel the dreamy feelings and vision problems all the time. I am a single parent to a 14 year old son and feel like I am letting him down. I feel like my life is falling apart. I was a very hard working fun outgoing person too. and now I have a job and it takes all I have to go in and work the week and then I just come home and cook and don't even feel like doing that. I believe my depression is from all the loses and it scares the hell out of me. any ideas???

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its been 4 years now friends ....howare u all  doing ?:)

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