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Hello people,

For the past year daye been suffering from this monster whos feeding in me day by day. Depression is killing myself my character. Believe me people it really sucks . I feel like going worse more as time passes. I dont want to end up hospitalised but sometimes im so afraid that i say to myself that its better to be surpervised and under control in hospital.

Im really fed up of it. I hate it !!!. I start to hate life . It made me changed my character I know im not like this because when im in a good mood and Im with my friends im totally different. Laughing and telling jokes and im more open minded and full of energy.

But I HATE but really hate it when Im in the cycle of depression and like I said im getting worse. I see that life is the same everyday. You wake up go to work bla bla bla....and in the evening fo back to sleep preparing for the next day to come. Im afraid to go to my doctor because he maybe will increase my dose of medication.

I want to end it . I try to find solution how to end it. SUICIDE!!!??? Im afraid to say that sometimes it comes to my mind because I cant take it anymore but Im afraid to do it. I know that life is somehow beautiful but when u have such chemical unbalanced into your brain it makes you feel so exausted and think about the worse!!!

Im very talented I play the piano and have my own band where I play in special occasions like wedding or private parties. I write music too!!! I have some videos on youtube .

People pls pray for me Im so young and I have a life before me . Im only 30 years old. Ill pray for you too.!!!

Sometimes I have such beautiful period just as I told u before but when it returns back its such disgusting. Sorry that I took so long but sometimes I feel that when Im writing I can feel my anger emotions coming out one after each other.

I really feel sorry for all of you depression and anxiety sufferers because people like me can really understand u what from waht you are passing through day after day......

Whilst I thank you once again

I hope that you will feel normal as you were before

Regards and love you all

Gilbert from Malta

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Gilbert,

I replied already to your other post.

Please call someone and talk to them. You said your father is around in your other post. Get him. Have him stay with you.

Please go see your doctors now. I don't think that your medications are working as well as they should. Tell the doctors what you've told us, OK. They'll help you. A good doctor does not want someone to have to be hospitalized unless they have too, or are concerned about you.

I am.

Please, get someone now. Let us know how you're doing, OK.
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Hey Gilbert,

Are you OK? Please let us know.

Dan
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hi medic-dan

Once again thanks for your post and Im not bad:) thanks God. Can you tell me pls if you're a profesional doctor or somethin similar??

I dont want to go to my psychiatrists Im sorry but I belive they don't help or if you tell them youre feeling bad or worse they will increase the dose of your medications and I dont want this to happen because they make pills makes you like a zombie and at the moment im not one of them::-)

Sometimes I have trouble when I speak with people like i cannot find the words in my mouth I (hope you understand what I mean)!!!

In the evening I feel much more better and I sleep good . Sometimes my symptoms makes me think that my depression is different from others.

Like mine is a unique case and that it cant be treated and I will going to live like this for all my life.!!!!:-(((


Sometimes I feel paranoid like irritable from mobile alarms and sounds.
Sometimes I ll be sensitive to light like my eyes cannot focus and like I have something in my eyes but I spoke with other friends who suffers from depression and they have similar symptoms from the vision too.

This blur vision annoys me (the eye floaters) . It disturbs me !!! . My panic attacks have lessen before i felt more like afraid from nothing but now is far more less thanks God!!!

Everyday I hope that i will wake up from bed and I forget this sh*t and everthing like it will fade away like a dream. I hope I hope!!!

I never thought of becoming like this . I dont want to feel hopless or guilty or maybe Suicidal!!!!! because it sucks a lot belive me if you dont have these symptoms it really sucks!!!

Hope to hear from you once again
Thnks and regards

Gilbert from Malta
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Hi Gilbert,

I'm glad that you are feeling better. I was worried about you.

I'm not a doctor. I'm a "medic." I work in an ambulance. We can administer various drugs, start IV's, analyze your heart rythym, etc. I'm not sure how to relate as I've never been to Malta, but we're like a mobile emergency room. I never know what I might get called for so it can be pretty exciting.

I can understand you not wanting to go to your psychiatrist but there are so many different drugs out there now. Maybe some will work better for you. That's all that I was suggesting.

Gilbert, any time you need to talk, let me or someone on this board know.

Keep in touch my friend, Dan
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hi dan

Thanks once again for your post:) Listen i would like to make friends with you because you seem a nice person Where are u from?.

Listen here i cant give you my email address because it is not permitted.

Do you have skypem or msn live messanger? I would be great if I could call you on these chatting programs.

In the morning i feel a bit depressed in the evenings i feel much more better and I sleep good now.

Best regards

Gilbert from Malta
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Hi Gilbert,

Thanks, you sound like a nice guy too. I'm from the USA, Massachusetts.

I don't do chat or messenger, sorry.

If I figure out how to do a private message I'll get you a way to contact me.

Dan
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Gilbert, I'd like to post on this thread because it sounds like you might be suffering from some classic symptoms of depression. A lot of times, when you are depressed, you don't trust people who can help you like a psychiatrist or a social worker. I can tell you that if you see a social worker or a counselor, they will work with you and not put you on medication unless you choose to. Talking to them can be really helpful--it definitely helped me! I hope that this helps.
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Thanks a lot bluedog for ure advise.

Sometimes u feel much more comfortable when you speak with someone who experienced it or is going through it!!!.

It really sucks man because i know im different and can be different once again. Thats y i feel frustrated a lot when i feel down because im not like this man.!!!

I was totally different before. I didnt care about nothing like i wasnt afraid of my health or thinking of dying.

Now when it happens to me . I start thinking about death because im not going to get out of it!!!


Fromt the bottom of my heart I really join you all depression sufferers because I reallyy understand the pain you are all going through.

This is not like sadness only . I can feel it thats its a combination of madness or I dont know what, thats y im afraid of it
!!

Anyway Hope to survive it
and see you on my next post !!!
Take care all of you out there!!!

Thanks a lot

Gil from Malta
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