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Hey, My girlfriend has depression and she told me this on the 27th of August and she claimed she needed time alone so we broke up (more like a break with an indefinite future) but we kept speaking but every day we would speak less and less and now we hardly speak at all, her depression had a big effect on me, knowing I was close to losing her made my depression worse (I was and still do suffer from clinical depression) and I began to lose interest in friendships and social activity, I also resorted to self harming (I'm 16 and my girlfriend will be turning 16 later this month, please don't say we're too young because under our circumstances you really can't blame either of us, I'm constantly in and out of hospital due to suffering from Cardiomelagy and she is currently trying to help her family adjust to life as her gran is suffering from cancer) I began to rapidly drift from my friends and also my band mates and I began to force myself into an isolated state and my friends and band mates have been trying to recover me but to no avail, both me and her stopped speaking, both of us were self harming and both of us feel really down about ourselves, I messaged her today and asked her if we could try and hold a normal conversation because this awkwardness is doing nothing for us and that we were not only in a relationship but we were also best friends and she told me she doesn't speak to anyone anymore, she goes to school, helps her family and then in the hour or two she had spare she reads, she said she does not speak to anyone and she said she's sorry for upsetting me like this and I told her I was sorry because it's mostly my fault this has happened as she told me she always wanted to know if I was alright so anytime I was feeling depressed she would ask and I would tell her exactly what was going on and I feel like it's sort of "infected" her so my question is, is there any way I can help her beat it without directly telling her I am trying to help her? (She refuses all known help) I don't care if it means I depress myself further, I feel like this is my fault so if my own suffering has to happen to help then so be it so I would just like to ask what exactly it is I should do to help her and then to try and get back with her? Thank you Aaron.

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Hello Aaron, 

I know it's something that you might not want to hear - but there is no way your depression somehow 'infected' or transferred to her. You can't blame yourself for that. The fact that you two were connected and close before just goes to show that you shared similar feelings back then, but the thing is, in your age - things change. On top of the depression there are also hormones triggered by puberty that cause even more emotional mess. There's no way to know if maybe she's thinking the same thing you are - that is, she might be feeling she's guilty for you feeling bad because she was the one to ask for the time apart.

The only thing I can think you can do is to try to talk to her, as a friend. See if you could help her anyway with the stuff she's dealing with at home or at school. I know it's not much, but you are not the one who caused her to withdraw or become depressed - and hurting yourself any further can't really help either her or you.

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