...Where to start...
First off, I suppose I can begin with my feelings of guilt, even just talking about how I feel right now on this thread makes me feel guilty for complaining about my life and my problems right now. I feel this way towards everyone and tend to keep everything bottled up, because I don't want to burden anyone with my problems and feel much more helpful when I just listen to them.
Secondly, I used to be what some may call a 'goody-goody' in highschool, at least up until grade twelve I was a very good student who attended regularily and did her homework and got good grades. During grade twelve however, even though I got very good marks and got into a good university I began skipping classes I thought were useless (art) and it slowly progressed into me using the old 'sick' excuse for other classes too. Even now in University I find myself staying home quite often because I just don't have the willpower to get out of bed anymore, or to read my books, or start my homework until it's very late...
Which brings me up my third thing: sleep. All I want to do is sleep, for one I find it to be a great escape, seeing as how I do tend to dream constantly, and find them much more exciting then anything that's going on in real life. Also, I'm always very tired, no matter how much or how little I slept the night before. It always feels as though I need another nap.
I don't know, all of this could just be me acting as a lazy spoiled child, but then at the same time I feel so helpless to my actions, because I KNOW there are things that I should do or can do, but I don't have any interest in them anymore. I don't make much effort in keeping in contact with my friends either, unless it's completely convenient and takes no work on my part. I've made no actual friends at university because I'm too shy to speak with them and feel totally out of place and rude if I try to nudge myself into their life.
It's very frustrating, I've thought a few times that perhaps this is all a form of depression, of at least seasonal depression since the winter over here has been gloomy as hell. I'd like to talk to someone in my life about all of this, but when I bring it up at home my parents seem to think it's a joke or say something like 'your life isn't THAT bad, what do you have to be depressed about?'
It just always feels like I need to sigh about something - as though I'm very empty. Blech. Who knows.
Anyways, if anyone has any suggestions or experience, anything would be much appreciated. Thanks.
First off, I suppose I can begin with my feelings of guilt, even just talking about how I feel right now on this thread makes me feel guilty for complaining about my life and my problems right now. I feel this way towards everyone and tend to keep everything bottled up, because I don't want to burden anyone with my problems and feel much more helpful when I just listen to them.
Secondly, I used to be what some may call a 'goody-goody' in highschool, at least up until grade twelve I was a very good student who attended regularily and did her homework and got good grades. During grade twelve however, even though I got very good marks and got into a good university I began skipping classes I thought were useless (art) and it slowly progressed into me using the old 'sick' excuse for other classes too. Even now in University I find myself staying home quite often because I just don't have the willpower to get out of bed anymore, or to read my books, or start my homework until it's very late...
Which brings me up my third thing: sleep. All I want to do is sleep, for one I find it to be a great escape, seeing as how I do tend to dream constantly, and find them much more exciting then anything that's going on in real life. Also, I'm always very tired, no matter how much or how little I slept the night before. It always feels as though I need another nap.
I don't know, all of this could just be me acting as a lazy spoiled child, but then at the same time I feel so helpless to my actions, because I KNOW there are things that I should do or can do, but I don't have any interest in them anymore. I don't make much effort in keeping in contact with my friends either, unless it's completely convenient and takes no work on my part. I've made no actual friends at university because I'm too shy to speak with them and feel totally out of place and rude if I try to nudge myself into their life.
It's very frustrating, I've thought a few times that perhaps this is all a form of depression, of at least seasonal depression since the winter over here has been gloomy as hell. I'd like to talk to someone in my life about all of this, but when I bring it up at home my parents seem to think it's a joke or say something like 'your life isn't THAT bad, what do you have to be depressed about?'
It just always feels like I need to sigh about something - as though I'm very empty. Blech. Who knows.
Anyways, if anyone has any suggestions or experience, anything would be much appreciated. Thanks.
Loading...