Couldn't find what you looking for?

TRY OUR SEARCH!

I am physically healthy still, 16 year old male. My life was tension free and always laughing and having fun. In grade 5-6 I was new to the country and my grades were bad due to poor English. I did and said many retarded things to make people laugh and gain attention, I was basically a clown/entertainment for people and one day in end of grade 6 my teacher called me after school and told me that i have been a clown for the class and that I need to start working hard. I am a very sensitive guy, this hurt my feelings a lot and after this time I haven't been as happy, I also started focusing more towards school and my grades. I moved to a different school and in this new school, grade 7, I found this girl in my class that had similarities with me and i started liking her. But she hated me for no reason, she did many things everyday which lowered my self confidence and hurt my feelings. I despised her, i played this computer game everyday for 10 hours and was really addicted to it. I found this guy on the game i became friends with, I over time trusted him a lot and gave him my password and username, I was very young and easily deceived. after 2 years of intense gaming, this guy decides to steal my character and leaving me, a 13 year old boy begging and crying for hours. In the end he did not give it back, there would be times at night when I would think of this game and not be able to sleep thinking back what happened. Even the name of that game itself bothered me, i felt very depressed. however, I later recovered a bit because i had a friend who helped me, but I hate the guy who stole my character enough to kill him without hesitation. when I got to around 15, I started noticing that I rarely use my feelings, I do all actions based on logic. I started pushing people away without knowing it. I do not still know what emotions to use in what situations, people I tell do not believe me that i cant be jealous, but truth is, i don't understand certain emotions like love with another person except parents or jealousy, i rarely feel angry. My need for a relationship with a girl is very little, girls always came up to me and said i love you because i didnt find the need to go after a girl, but i noticed after a certain while that i pushed them away, all of them said i dont express my love for them , but i dont feel anything, all i do is what my brain tells me, i cant really feel many emotions, i try to copy people's emotions and see how they react in certain situations but i use it in wrong times and people start to not like me. I have noticed, people i call friends i can get rid of without feeling hesitation, also, this girl i liked in grade 9 always messed around with my emotions, i wanted to spend time with her while she did ridiculous things to hurt my feelings. Now many girls are after me but i feel no emotions please help someone, i feel very confused..I am a healthy 16 year old, stronger physically than average, my school marks are okay, i have a lot of stress since i have much homework and tests, my parents are depending on me to have a good profession to feed them when they retire. My parents think of me as an excellent son because i do what they want, but truth is, i feel nothing and i do what i am told just like a robot.

Loading...

I also want to add that I am very mentally mature for my age, i mentally matured way before most of my friends. Also, I am very responsible, give people suggestions when they ask me for help, and that my decision making is really good, i dont give into peer pressure or greed etc.
Reply

Loading...

I can't offer you any advice seeing as how I feel the same way you do, but I am willing to listen....
Reply

Loading...