I type this sitting outside one of my college's gym which unexpectedly closed down for the hour. I will be here for the entire hour just browsing reddit. 10 minutes ago, a cute girl whom I've met once walked by. The last time I walked by her was in the library; we smiled, awkwardly, as she hesitated, yet I walked right by. The look she gave me was one of opening, but my brain just didn't think about it.
There are 10 girls around this campus who've I've either seen or had a chance with at some point, yet every time I see them now they show no opening to me. And I know it's because I've messed up by not going up to them and making my intentions clear the first time I've met them.
I'm 19 years old and I've never told a girl how I feel about her sober. While not trying to sound cocky, I've been told I'm decently attractive by several people. However, I don't know how to have a good conversation with anyone. I'm very limited in my number of friendships, and I have extreme social anxiety in large groups of people.
For 2 years, I've been battling AA, and suffering from my lack of social skills. I've rushed 4 fraternities and have been rejected by all of them. My closest friend here even told me that his first impression of me was that I seemed off.
I don't know what's wrong with me. My bro who I used to sarge with got in to a frat and now I never see him. I'm not in many social situations are girls except during classes. My weekends, lately, have been filled with me getting high and playing battlefield because there isn't a situation where people want me.
It seems like every time I am placed in a good social situation, I f**k up. Half the time is because I'm drugged out (I have add and taking adderal In the mornings makes me feel like sh*t in the evenings) or I'm too drunk. But even if I'm just fine, ill manage to find a way to f**k up what I say and make people think less of me.
It's been 2 1/2 years since I've acknowledged my social awkwardness, and I feel like I haven't improved at all. What is wrong with me.
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