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I have been sexually active for about 5 years now. I have been with a few partners since I lost my virginity, but have had NO sexual feeling/sensation/reaction with any of them except my current. Even with my first partner I felt absolutely nothing at all. No stimulation, no pleasure and definitely no orgasm, not even the "feel" of their "member". My current partner has told me I am loose, and that he cant feel me sometimes and that I get very wet very quickly. It appears I get wet to him even if I am not at all aroused. I can not seem to figure out how to do these "Kegel" exercises. I have been trying faithfully to do "kegels" for over two years now, and so far have had no success and NO results. I also have severe bladder incontinence. I bought some "rhythm balls" and have been using them regularly according to the instructions and exercises available. with seemingly no results. I am fairly young and need to know what may have caused this and what I can do to fix all this. I try "holding in my urine" to try and locate the muscle to still no avail. I am at a loss. I am very sexually self-conscious now to the point where I would rather not have any sex at all. My muscles so seem to feel "lax" to me, but I dont know if that is just my self-consciousness kicking into overdrive. I could really use some help or advice as this is really taxing on my sexual function and confidence and also my mental and emotional state of being.

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Dear Ms. Mercury,
I really suggest you speak with a doctor. Weakened walls of the vagina can lead to urinary incontinence and can contribute to limited sexual sensation with vaginal intercourse. Kegels may not be the answer if you have such a condition. It is not an uncommon condition, and it can usually be corrected. Only your doctor can tell for sure. Research vaginal prolapse and cystocele and find out if these conditions match your symptoms. You should talk with your doctor about correcting the issue, because it has certainly affected your life.
Best,
K
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Whenever you have some problems that you are concerned a lot about, you definitely should consult your doctor. That is the first thing that you should do. I agree that kegel exercises for women maybe are not the solution, but they are helpful. At least, they helped me a lot while I was struggling with this problem. I found a good tutorial and I started to practice. But you need to do those exercises properly to see some progress. If you don't do them properly, you can hurt yourself, for sure. Just like when you are doing other exercises in the inappropriate way. 

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