Loosing erection during sexual intercourse

First of all when someone tells you stop stop during intercourse---you should listen.

The first time having sex is often not pleasurable. Think about the way you masturbate and try to apply that when having sex.

Not everyone can just thrown down and start having sex either. For most people there is a period of foreplay.


Oh, did I mention 14 is too young to be having sex?

First off I'm not going to lecture you about your age.. besides, it's a done deal. What this sounds like is simple.. you are a nice guy. I know this sounds cheesy but seriously.. she said No and you lost your erection. She said 'go slow' and you lost your erection. Now while it sounds like you are both willing parties, Your brain and body understand that it's not comfortable for her and is reacting accordingly.. just like you have no control over GETTING an erection ( usually at the most inopportune time) you also have little control over LOSING an erection. You have to remember that your brain is involved. You are Hearing her say no.. and when someone you care about seems to be hurting because of you.. your body responds, whether you like it or not.. this happens to my husband. not to worry.. just take it slow.. you will both be happier with the results.. and continue to protect yourself and her.. great job!

he asked for possible solutions, not verbal evisceration. stop.

I know how concerning that can be, especially at the beginning of your sexual "career". I agree with the lady "guest" above ... I think you are a nice guy, you want to be a considerate and caring lover, you want this to be pleasurable for both of you, and you especially don't want to hurt her. I'm proud of you for telling us about it and seeking our advice; Bravo for that.

Obviously, your "equipment" is perfectly functional -- under very particular and well-defined circumstances, and that's the key. I'd bet you're fine with masturbation, maybe even oral sex or other types of "foreplay" activities. But "getting right in there", especially with a young lady who hasn't experienced intercourse before is already scary as hell right from the get-go. And then your very proper concern for her feelings and her asking you to stop -- mixed with the idea that if she just gets past the pain it'll be alright -- means that the problem is likely not with the mechanism itself, but with what controls the mechanism.

As you may have already found, pleasure and sexual satisfaction (especially erection and orgasm) happen in your BRAIN, not in your body. Your mind takes the physical sensations you (or others) create, and mixes them with past experiences, fantasies, desires, feelings about the kind of lover you want to be for her, and our often unrealistic expectations, then tells your body what to do -- or NOT do -- about it. You brain quite literally has the ability to talk you out of having sex with someone. If you feel that you might actually be hurting or even raping the woman you love, or you are afraid of making her pregnant, or of failing to be the best first lover -- or whatever -- that's enough to derail the entire experience and shut it all down. Remember too, that intercourse, more than foreplay, requires giving up a good deal of control -- once you are inside her you willingly surrender some of your control over what's happening to her needs and desires. Her asking you to stop because it hurts is exactly that kind of quandary. On the fly, so to speak, you have to decide whether to follow through with what your desires (and hers) were / are wanting, or to show your caring and love for her by backing off and acceding to her wishes of the moment. That kind of conflict can easily shut you down.

So, consider the possibility that at that moment, because you don't want to hurt her, you don't really WANT to be inside that vagina and you mustn't go through with it. It's what's in your head is stopping you from proceeding with the event. You need to find out what that is, and you cannot lie to yourself and expect your mind to look the other way. So you MUST talk to her about it. Communications between lovers ( even casual lovers, by the way) is CRITICAL. The two of you can work this out one way or another, I am sure of it. Don't put too much pressure on it. You'll learn that (no pun intended) if you keep at it, these things come, in time. Don't lose heart, and don't give up on the two of you being able to eventually cross that threshold -- together. Good Luck!