Hey everyone, my name is KimberlyPinner and I am 21 years old, I have been dealing with depression for at least 5 years now since I was 16 when it first started. The main thing is it also doesn't help that I was born with high level autism, ADHD I alos have generalized anxiety disorder and severe depression. I have a really hard time talking to people because of these problems and I have always been cast out and bullied plus even when I was growing up my big brother would physically and emotionally abuse me as well as my family would to sometimes in fact I would even question if they really loved me.:(
I know alot of people here have alot of problems too and I would like to seek help but at the same time I don't want to because I feel like I don't deserve it and I have tried different medications but usually they would make me feel worse or even sick sometimes, one example is Celexa that I took but that didn't do jackshit and even the doctors didn't seem like they cared that much when I went to see them about my problems...I hope at least somebody does because it has changed my life so much and it is really hard for me to accept friendship or love and I HATE IT!! >.<
another thing I forgot to mention is that I have been really suicidal lately and I even told my boyfriend off because like I said before I find it really hard for me to accept love and I even get paranoid if it is really true love or if he is just tricking me but on the other hand it could be true and I could really end up losing my relationship with him if I haven't already ;(
Kimberly, I am truly sorry your feeling this way. You and I are not different, Baby Girl. I'm 43, have a Daughter who just turned 22. I give you this information, because, what you're going thru affects anyone / everyone, no matter the age, color, etc. I can relate to most of what you said, except for the Autism.
I've been a depressed person most of my life. I was hospitalized at 14 for being suicidal. It subsided. No meds were required for a long time after that.
Dec 14, 2009, I voluntarily admitted myself to a Behavioral Hospital because I had a plan. I was In - Patient and Out - Patient a total of 3 months. I'm stabilized now; however, I take 7 different Psych meds. They're as follows:
Concerta (Methylphenidate) - AM & Noon
ANTI DEPRESSANTS (Generic)
Desyrel (Trazadone) - PM Also for ANXIETY
Effexor XR (Venlafaxine) - AM & Noon
Lamictal (Lamotrigine) - AM & PM
Klonopin (Clonazepam) - PM
Lunesta (Eszopiclone - tho no generic is available) - PM
I've been deemed odd, strange, etc. I'm very aware at all times, if that makes sense.
I don't know if my BF truly loves me. Been together nearly 3 years, but because of my past, I don't know if I can feel "LOVE" from a Man.
You are considered an Adult and can check yourself into a Behavioral Hospital for evaluation. If they consider you a risk to yourself, please be prepared to stay a few days. Please know that you are not alone, baby, and I care about what happens to you.
Thank you I really appreciate that you care about me and I know how you must feel also to have to go through all these negative and self defeating thoughts and what is worse is that it is really difficult to control. I was also hospitalized about a year ago for being really suicidal but I also didn't really feel like I was wanted or really cared for. It is very hard for me to accept any so called compliments as well because I grew up pretty much feeling really inferior to everybody and looked down upon, but the thing is that we can help each other unite others who feel similar and have the same problems help get through it and that they are not alone :) I can help you as well too my friend *hugs*;-)