My husband is a very hard working,well educated, well behaved and a loving person in general.He has never touched alcohol and is very jovial and talkative by nature.We have been married for almost two years and we do not have any kids.I belong to a very happy and decent family.
My problem is that since our first month of marriage, my husband would get angry and quarrelsome on small issues . He would get very angry suddenly in between talks or if I disturbed him in anyway in the night when he went to sleep .If I tried to get closer to him or hold him when he would be angry, he would push me, beat me, pull my hair or shout at me, exaggerate and manipulate things simply to win. He would also blackmail me of divorce and sending me back to my parents' home alone (he once did that and we were apart for a few months although he was sorry after fifteen days and begged me to come back and I forgave him and came back with him after some months).He would call his or my parents at odd times and complain to them whenever we had a small argument and that would just irritate me and make things big.
He belongs to an abusive family and his mother has been abused and dominated by his father. He had a troubled childhood and he was made to do tough household chores.
I too used to get agitated, almost lost it many times then I also started poking him more in spite of keeping calm as I did initially.Now I have been suffering from severe depression.I do not know whom to see for treatment (psychiatrist or psychologist) and would also like to take my husband to therapy or counselling or medication. We have been planning for a baby and buying a house lately and he is going to pursue higher studies in a month.
He is very caring, gentle and understanding otherwise but his anger outbursts are violent, sudden, erratic and uncontrollable. Everything seems to all right for days and suddenly one day the picture changes in seconds and the cycle continues at an interval of a month or a few days. I do not know what to do and how to save my marriage. We both love each other and can't live without each other. But when he is angry he just wants me away at any cost which makes me feel very isolated and lonely and I refuse to do that.This in turn goes against us. I too am unable to control my speech sometimes as I feel rejected and worthless because of his behavior. WE BOTH NEED HELP.
Yes, you both need help. He sounds like he may be bipolor, and with the right medication things could get better. Please hold off on getting a house or becoming pregnant because you guys do not need more stress right now. things are only going to get worse if you don't do somethng. Yes go to counseling now. get him to go with you. life is to short to be so unhappy. Plus your husband is abusive. the next time he hits you call the police get him arrested. don't get him out of jail. Please love yourself enough to get help, and if he does not get help than do it by yourself. No, you are wrong you can live without him. go see a phychologist first he/she will refer you if you need medication. psychiatrists treat mental illnesses with medication. Phychologist treat with counseling. I have been where you are at things get worse not better. Good Luck. God Bless you. Sincerely
Abuse is a cycle... You can break it!
Jesus lady... He is abusing you! Get out immediately! I know what I'm talking about, I was in an abusive relationship and it will only get worse, he may even kill you. When I tried to get out I was stalked at my home, my job and wherever I went. He punched me, choked me, tripped me in the sand on a beach, in the dark, kicked sand in my face, split my lip, multiple head traumas. He turned off the power in our home and stalked me room from room with a knife (just to scare me) He fractured my forearm, he even left me (with HIS family) 110 miles away from home, out of the Country. Your Husband has mental problems and you are the "beacon" of his anger. Get a lawyer, get a restraining order and get out! Please I am begging you! There are SO MANY nice men out there, men that will treat you like GOLD and bring you sheer happiness. I know it's scary (thinking that you know nothing more than this man for sos many years) he probably has even made you feel like you can't do better than him? (am I right?) Or even worse that you are "lucky to even have him because he's better than you?" (am I right?) He has stripped your confidence to be strong, he has stripped your self esteem and brainwashed you into staying... GET OUT! If you are afraid of not being able to support yourself without him (this is also a VERY common brain washing trick abusive people use to keep you around) then find a job, find a family member or friend that will take you in until you get on your feet. He has made you feel WORTHLESS and incompetent to take care yourself without him around... IT'S BS! YOU CAN!!! You deserve happiness and love and the freedom to be yourself. NO ONE deserves abuse (physical, psychological or emotional) Get a lawyer, get a restraining order, get ALIMONY (if you are worried about money) but honestly this guy sounds like he would kill you before paying you alimony (this is the world we live in) GET OUT! He will kill you... I'm begging