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Confused. my husband has lost control and hit, slap etc to out 8yrold son since he was about 2.  Only once aa year or so.  It escalated last year to more often.  He understands as do I that it is not used as discipline, but when he snaps and loses control momentarily.  This doesn't happen to our younger daughter.  Finally he went to anger management therapy and learned alot about his triggers and stress levels. I believe whole heartedly he understands how wrong he has been.  Now about a year later, my son screamed at him and my hub slapped him hard.  he apologized, got me immeadiately and repaired well with our son taking complete responsibility.  But it led to the discussion on his part that is was not abuse, even though he agrees it was not discipline.  I am not speaking about well thought out spanking or consequence for bad behavior.  He is now very angry at me for mentioning it to our counselor.  Where do I stand?  When is it enough to feel like I need to protect my child?  Do I demand he go back to his own counseling or anger management group.  I feel he's definately turned the guilt on me and continues with the "it's no big deal".  Is it?

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Yes, actually it is. Remember it will start small and get worse. If this is what he does in front of you imagine if you go away for a day or two and your son makes him angry. There has to be a trigger that makes him hit your son and not your daughter. You have no reason to feel guilty other than by staying in this home with your kids you are putting them at risk of getting worse abuse.  

Your son needs your protection get out before your son winds up in the hospital or messed up for the rest of his life. I was a victim of abuse and it was my mom who was doing it and I lived with her my whole childhood and it has cause some bad issues for me as an adult.
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going to counseling together today. I know it will be a tough few days. Praying for a plan to come out of it. i am scared of things getting reported and my good, loving, husband losing his job or career! But the fact is he has a problem that I think takes professional help and long term commitment to help. Pray he makes the right decisions and I am strong
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Dear akat,

   A slap is a slap, no matter what, it is abuse, period. A person, whether it be a mom/dad/grama/ etc...has no right to be physical with a child. I do not believe in corporal punishment as there are so many other way's to disipline a child. A tap on the hand when they are small is about as far as i ever went, even then i felt terrible. Although, i will confess something to you. My 33 year old, back in the day when she was 5 or 6, kept interupting me when i was on a business call at home. Mommy, mommy, mommy was all i heard and i tried to give her the facial and hand signal's to wait a minute and be quiet. That didn't work. I swatted her in the face while i was on the phone, omg i felt like a big hot mess in seconds. I hung up the phone and took her in my arms and begged her to forgive me. You can only imagine how awful i felt at that time. I looked at her little face and saw that i had scratched her with my ring on her cheek. Now i thought i was gonna faint. I have never forgotten this, and it was years ago.

Protect your child as he/she depends on you. Your husband realizes that he may have made a mistake. I hope counseling will help him, as i would hate to see this escalate into something out of control.

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Well said bbfeet9.
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