Recovery from anxiety/depression caused by birth control

Hi everyone - GOOD NEWS, THERES HOPE! - I have been reading this website since my symptoms started in April, and I can tell you that it's helped me through so much. Like everyone says on here, you are NOT alone. I know when it started though, I would read the stories and think "yeah that sounds the same, but MINE is different". Most likely not, it's your HORMONES and YES they can do these crazy stuff to your mind and body. 

I'll give you a little background of my story. I'm 27, recently got married in April. Planning my destination wedding was stressful enough, but on top of that I had a dog who started having seizures, a new sales job that I completely hated, a car accident that led to therapy and all kinds of little things adding to my stress. Seems simple enough, right? Well I had been on beyaz for a few years, before switching to Yaz because my new insurance didn't cover beyaz anymore. Didn't notice much of a difference, I've been on birth control since I was 14. I had TERRIBLE acne my whole life, HORRIBLE migraines almost every day and I was always, always, always tired. Never thought much of it. 

Fast forward to when the symptoms started: I was on my HONEYMOON in Mexico after a long day excursion, and BOOM out of nowhere, PANIC. Full blown. Never had that before in my life, had NO clue what was happening to me. I went down to the concierge to have him check my temperature because I felt like I had a fever (chills, shaking uncontrollably). I thought for sure I ate something and had food poisoning, which threw me into a further panic (OMG, I'm in Mexico, the health system here is TERRIBLE! I'm definitely dying here. IRRATIONAL thoughts! lol). Well we flew home the next day, and the panic continued. Panic attacks, CONSTANT state of fear, the world was scary, nothing made sense... I called psychiatric hotlines and prayed a lot! 

So my mom told me she read that it could be from the pill so I decided to stop it cold turkey, I had had enough of that (I think I called my primary doctor and gynecologist 10 times one day asking what to do, they thought I had lost it too!). I wanted my body to be clean of chemicals anyway, and although my husband and I didn't want a child right away, I was married so we would be fine. DONE! No more pill, that will solve my problem!

WRONG. The full blown panic attacks had stopped, not sure if I was getting better at stopping them, or if the pill was causing such a surge or what. But here's where it gets interesting... WEIRD thoughts started. I'm talking WEIRD, like I couldn't look at people because they looked like aliens, I wasn't connected to my body, what does life mean? Why are we here? Every thing I looked at looked weird and freaked me out. I’ve never done drugs, but I can imagine this is what a ‘bad acid trip’ feels like. WEIRD thoughts. I woke up one night in a panic from a bad dream, came out to the kitchen and an irrational thought came in to my head that said stay away from the knives, you will kill yourself....! WTF! I had never had suicidal thoughts in my life. I felt like I had no control of my own body. I also had weird symptoms in my body, internal tremors (like my chest was shaking inside), like my skin was crawling (some nights I couldn't even lay down, its like you have to shake off a chill, but can't), dizzy, brain fog, lightheaded, some nights I would sleep amazing and other nights I couldn't sleep at all... it was TERRIBLE! I was scared of BREATHING. BREATHING! Oh, and one night I woke up and the left side of my face was numb and the top of my head was numb and tingling... RUSHED to the ER, they said it was from a possible pinched nerve in my neck from the car accident, did X-rays, hooked me up to machine and IV's and BOOM. PANIC attack in the ER.. I thought I was dying, my heart rate skyrocketed (doesn't make it any better when you are hooked up to a machine that is reminding you how fast your heart is beating) and the nurse was so kind and was like well you're in the right place if you are (thanks buddy, lol). The depression was bad too.. If I didn’t have anxiety, I had the depression. Hopelessness, worthless, crying all of the time. 

Well that'll really freak you out! I had started therapy, and she let me know what anxiety is, and how it works in your brain. I thought for sure I was going literally insane (wouldn't you?!) or that I had a brain tumor that was distorting my reality. I kept thinking, NO WAY is this hormones or just anxiety.... Well anxiety does a lot of crazy things to your mind and body, and hormones are a huge contributor to it. I saw a hormone doctor and had my bloodwork done (although they don't really like to do it because your levels can change every day based on where you are in your cycle). My testosterone was off the charts high, my estrogen was low and progesterone was high. I'm still waiting for a follow up with her next week to see what to do, but she did say it takes at least 3 months for your hormones to start leveling out to normal, so there's not much you can do in the meantime hormone-wise.

Okay -- So I saw my primary doctor twice, he prescribed me xanex and later zoloft. I had taken the xanex a few times and it has helped (I have .25 and I break them in to quarters, so it's probably more of a placebo than anything). I saw a hormone doctor, two different therapists, had REIKI done, started yoga teacher training thinking that it's just like therapy (and it is). I was determined to beat this without medication (although just having it with me sometimes helps, knowing I can start it at any time). I QUIT my job, ALMOST ended my marriage, ran home to mom for 3 weeks, flew my mom down here... I tried EVERYTHING I could think of to get past this. 

So it's been 14 weeks since this all started and I can tell you I'm about 80% better. I started logging my days on a calendar as either an up arrow or a down arrow so that I can track it and see if it's really around my cycle. At first, it was almost every day was a down arrow and then they started getting less and less. Now it is pretty much just around when I ovulate and when I had my period. I can tell its coming because the internal tremors start, and I know my hormones are fluctuating someway. 

I can recommend that if you are starting to feel this way and don't want to go on medication, then go see a good therapist. Do not wait. Reach out to friends and family and let them know whats going on. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. My story feels like a lifetime, even though its been a few months. I have a totally different perspective on life now, most days it's for the better. I didn't think I would make it through this and some days I still feel that way. But I know that God has given me this for a reason, and that led me to starting yoga teacher training and telling people my story. I have such compassion for everyone who is going through anxiety and depression and I'm determined to help. 

So it GETS better. I promise. But make sure you have the support in the meantime. I’m available to talk as well if you need. I would love to help. Don’t obsess over it like I did. Remember what’s important in your life, and push those crazy thoughts out. They’re just thoughts. YOU CAN DO THIS LADIES! We are all here for you!

PS - I know my response is really long, but I wanted to make sure I got it all out there because I think I checked all of the boxes of symptoms and wanted you to be able to compare :)

Hi. I read your post and I am going through the exact same thing. I was on birth control for four years and about a month ago I stopped completely. I was fine for the first month then all of the sudden I was riding in the car with my boyfriend and I felt like I was going completely crazy. I felt disconnect from everything in sight and then I start and cry and freak out so bad. It was the scariest thing I've ever experienced. It's been five days from the first panic attack and ever since I have been extremely anxious and feeling like I'm mentally ill. I'm started my junior year in college. Today was my first day of classes and I almost had to run out of the classroom several times because of the anxiety. I couldn't concentrate or eat or anything. It's like I'm walking around in a different persons mind. Is this sort of how you were feeling?

Hi there -- exactly how I was feeling. EXACTLY. I still feel this way when I have my period or when I ovulate for a day or two, but it's SO MUCH BETTER and it gets less and less. I promise it gets better. You learn to accept it, and realize that it's your hormones. If you want to message me, I'd be happy to help. I promise you're not going crazy. I PROMISE. It's your hormones causing anxiety, and anxiety makes your mind do some ridiculous things. Ride it out. It's seems so much more horrible than it is. It CAN'T hurt you! Message me! I'm here for you.

Oh my goodness I am feeling the exact same way as you awheeler! I stopped birth control about 2 weeks ago after 10 years. I didn't feel too bad until Sunday, when I came down with a flu bug and was stuck in bed all day long with a fever, chills, headache, etc. Now I have terrible anxiety since then, and can hardly function throughout the day.I am in such a funk with a low mood, constant jittery-ness, and overall crappy feeling. I KNOW it is my hormones, but it is so hard to convince your brain to turn off and let yourself relax. My hubby is being super supportive, and I am so grateful for that but it's really nice to hear other people are having the same issues. I never realized how bad birth control can mess you up, and wonder if I should go get my hormone levels checked as well. Do you have any remedies for helping the anxiety/crying spells? I'm drinking chamomile tea, trying to eat healthy and exercise, and watch funny/uplifting shows/movies.

I haven't found anything supplement-wise that works, I've tried maca powder and primrose oil. Both made me feel even more jittery, but that could have been that I was paranoid I something was wrong with me. My hormone doctor tried to throw lexapro at me and said she patients who take it 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off for PMS. I told my therapist that and she said it's a bad idea because it can give you physical side effects and that could make my anxiety even worse. The best thing is exactly what you're doing. Take care of your body, rest, exercise (yoga helps a lot), eat healthy (I eat a lot of bananas and orange juice for potassium, greens). Try not to read about it, you'll worry yourself even more although this site really did help keep my spirits up. I also take 1 Advil or ibuprofen when I feel anxious and for some reason it helps a little bit. Surround yourself with things you love to keep your spirits up. But honestly, as terrible as it sounds, the only thing that really helps is time. I'm on month 4 of being off and it's even better. Idk if I'm coming to terms with it or what, at first I was so freaked out and then freaked out because I was freaked out. Therapy taught me to breathe through it. Remind yourself it will pass and it's just your hormones getting back on track. Your body will figure it out, compare it to detoxing from a drug.

Hi, I just read your forum. I was on the pill for five years and quit cold turkey about a month ago. 6 days ago I got a severe panic attack out of the blue. I couldn't think straight. It was like I couldn't control the way I was feeling or thinking. I felt like I was trapped. Since then these feelings have not gone away. I've been having anxiety everyday since. I feel so unconnected from the world around me and sometimes I question my sanity. I feel like I'm going mentally I'll. it's so scary. Never have I had something like this before. I am thinking it is because I quit the pill and my hormones are out of whack. Anyways your post made me feel better. These irrational thoughts in my head are so scary.

Hi just read your forum about quitting the pill. What's your email??!

Hi I'm going through the same thing with bc. I was curious to know if you are better??

Hi. I'm reading your forum and currently feeling the same way as you were when you wrote it. I was on bc for five year and quit about a month ago. 6 days ago I had an extreme panic and attack and depression. I have been more anxious in the last six days than I have ever been in my life. I feel like I'm going mentally insane.

I have the exact same symptoms and it's really freaking me out. I can't concentrate on anyone or anything at all. Irrational thoughts that scare the c**p out of me. I feel like this will never get better. How long did it take you to feel at least somewhat better? Reading yours gives me some hope but I just feel really lost. I'm starting to talk to a therapist and am really praying that it will help me

Hi, i read your bc post. I am quit my bc about two months ago. Three weeks after i quit i started to get severe anxiety/panic/irrational thoughts/ and just feelings of fear. It has been 26 since all this started and i feel like im going crazy... does it get better????

Hi, I am going through the same isshhh after quitting the pill. Literally feel like im losing my mind and so scaarrreeeddd..... email me..
Julianna_browne@yahoo.com

Today is Saturday Nov 15th 2014.... i took Yasmin / ocella for 13 or 14 years. I am now 30 years old. I STOPPED taking it bc it started DRYING my whole body up like a prune around age 28, also started causing severe side cramps and migranes. WELL I QUIT COLD TURKEY taking this bc May 2013, so I've BEEN OFF ALMOST 2 YEARS NOW!!! PAY attention young women VERY IMPORTANT!!!!! ...... SO MAY 2013 got off yasmin/ocella..... June and July 2013 found myself sitting in the shade on my back porch alone in silence.... NO INTEREST In my favorite things SWIMMING, Sun bathing, MUSIC, etc.......I HAD A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN for NO reason November 2013 , felt like I was in hell , got confused about which shampoo to use (I'm usually a fairly smart person) this shampoo thing freaked me out!!!!! BEFORE I had a nervous BREAKDOWN MY HAIR FELL OUT IN CLUMPS!!!!! I started having PANIC and ANXIETY ATTACKS , ALONG with SEVERE DEPRESSION AFTER the Nervous breakdown..... pretty much it's November 2014 and I've had SOME improvement but I'm SEVERELY depressed STILL and can't think well most of the time.... lost my great paying job, and still am having anxiety... I'm wondering IF YASMIN HAS CAUSED PERMANENT DAMAGE TO MY BODY ?????? GOD help me.

I'm going through the same thing. It's seriously hell. Quit Yaz July 2014 and have never been the same since. I lost who I was.... Had a nervous breakdown. All of it

How do you feel now?