I drank too much when i was growing up, but so did everyone. I'm starting to think i over did it a little. I have been suffering from large bouts of anxiety for about the last year. It has ended a reletionship and made me quit my job. These bouts have been suplimented, and have suplimented my hands shaking, which they do frequently when ever i wonder if my hands are going to shake. It seems i can't really do anything now without them shaking. It's embarrasing more than anything. They don't shake while i am drinking, or even the day after, its the one after that. Which has meant for the last couple of years i have been sure to keep myself topped up so that it wouldn't happen. I'm sick of that. It isn't a healthy way to live my lilfe.
The annoying thing is that i am 21 and that this shouldn't really be happening. My family are all big drinkers and none of them have suffred from this. Well i assume not i havn't really spoken to them about it. Could it be somthing else causing these symptoms?
I am trying to restrict myself to weekends, friday and saturday nights. I don't drink too much on these nights but it still takes me untill thursday to be fully functional. Will this end? if i start taking on the habits of a normal social drinker by imposing rules on myself can i expect the anxiety and shaking to go away? or am i going to have to give up drinking at the tender age of 21? That seems like a sh*t idea. I have smoked alot of weed in the past but if far from that being an addiction now, just a very occasional rarity. Would this be a contributor?
Anyway i'm having a difficult time with this. Any words of advice or support would be appriciated.
Well... 6 years on.
Frankly, I barely recognise the person who wrote that.
In truth i think this person told you a narcissistic lie.
The relationship I lost was with somebody who was terrible, I had every right to be nervous of being with her. The job I didn't want to do any more was similar...
I'm not an alcoholic. I like to drink. It doesn't affect my work, my life and I don't have 5 kids. I write this in the sun, in the back garden of the house i own waiting for my wife to be to get home. Weed is a distant memory. Beer is at the end of my arm.
I think i was just afraid of being a human... and really i was afraid of how my body reacted to stress. I thought i should be able to throw myself into stressful situations having been on a fairly big night the day before without any consequences.. and there were... fairly big ones... and that is a lesson you learn as you grow. I was learning that I wasn't immortal.
I am a fairly nervous person, but i am one of those who inflates themself with pomp and exudes positivity in the face of stress. I did this too many times and I never really confronted myself in doing so. I just took on bigger and bigger challenges untill the bubble strained to the point of bursting. I wanted to blame this on some external factor such as drink or drugs in order to not confront the boundaries of who i am and what i am capable of. When I wrote that i was undertaking a performance degree in Theatre. One of my interests was on how people will react on a stage if they have nothing prepared, so i walked in front of audiences and trusted my luck and my wit. You only go so far with that before having to soul search.
My biggest challenge to all of the people I meet who recognise themselves as having some form of mental illness is to never, at any point, stop fighting and let it define you. Self pity is the mother of all evils within this field. I am nervous, I have had treatment for stress and anxiety. I have shaken violently whilst trying to be intimate with somebody and whilst trying to buy petrol for my car. I am sure as hell not going to spend my life walking and wanking.
Last night I incorporated my second limited company. I had a lovely career public speaking and training large groups, managing my anxiety as i did so. It was difficult because i had to fight myself, but if i was fighting myself then i was always going to win. I know what a coward i am. I spend my working life, directorships aside, as a youth worker, social worker and teacher. Maybe I do so because I am afraid of the corporate world and the competitive nature of it. If this is the case then i couldn't be more grateful for my anxiety issues - they have led me to be more thourally fulfilled than i possibly could if i had chased money until the stress won the day.
Truth teller - thank you for your message and for trying to help people on here. I feel for you having to deal with substance abuse issues in your family. Unfortunately i can empathise. Love to you and yours, thank you for trying to help a lost young 'un. I've done ok.
My original username on here followed by
is a way of getting hold of me if anyone feels they could use a chat from an interested and empathetic stranger.
Do well, don't let it win.