I've come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with me. I've never really explained all this to anyone so an anonymous message board seems like the best place to start. I feel like there's a lot to compile, but I'll try to keep this as coherent as possible.
I'm 27 years old and I think in general I'm doing well as far as your average outside observer would see. For some reason I've noticed I'm very concerned with what others think of me and am very anxious about showing any vulnerability. This seems to manifest as the biggest problem when it comes to being with women. I was a virgin until I was 22, but it was not because I was not attracted to women. I chalk it up to the fact that I'm generally quite introverted and get incredibly nervous about approaching women and being candid with them. I frequently have friends who are girls who I am attracted to, but I can never bring myself to tell them that I want to go out with them out of strong fear. This entire dating thing seems to come so naturally to some people and even those to whom it did not at a younger age seem to have grown out of it. All around me I see/hear of people hooking up going out, but I just cannot foresee any situation in which this could be me in the future.
Somehow, I had one moment in my life when I transformed into someone else. I moved to England for a while and met a girl who I somehow worked up the courage to tell that I really liked her and we ended up going out for a couple of years. After it ended, I hoped that I would be able to start a relationship with someone else and would not revert back to my old ways, but unfortunately, reversion is exactly what has happened. I have friends and I go to parties, but I find myself talking with the same people over and over again. I always feel like people are ignoring me and if I ever start a conversation with someone it feels like they aren't really interested in speaking with me. Intellectually I know this can't be true about everyone, but I think I'm predisposed to feeling rejected or something and then I just retreat to the comfort of my established friends.
Reading that it seems like the answer is so easy. I should just keep trying to talk to new people and not retreat to my comfort zone. Maybe I lack willpower, but it's, of course, not that simple. I've never really had a problem with depression, but I'm starting to feel very isolated and that there is something very wrong with me in that I am completely unable to meet women in spite of a strong desire to. Is it possible I have social anxiety disorder or something? I don't know if there are others out there like me who may have some advice beyond "suck it up and just talk to more people", but if there are, I'd appreciate any advice that you may have.
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It's something you just have to get used to. I know how hard it is to go out of your comfort zone, but maybe you could make it a game. Keep score of how many NEW people you talk to each week. For each new person, reward yourself with something you love, like chocolate. That should make it easier to talk to strangers. I hope this helps, and I hope it's more helpful than "just suck it up" because I used to be told that all the time. Good luck with your endeavors :-)
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