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Hi, folks. We have a major problem with our  daughter. She's 15 1/2 and she's been spending a couple of days at a friend's house in the countryside and apparently her friend  and her sister were naked all the time inside the house and outside and dressed only in order to go to the village. Our daughter thinks it was "supercool" and wants to do the same thing at our place. We're not in favor of it but how can we convince her not to do it? We're arguing for days now. 

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Legend
10127 posts

If your daughter is body confidant then don't knock it, come to a compromise that she can go naked around the house when just your there but has to dress when you have guests or goes outside.

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Can it be that easy? I mean what when her friends come? Shall we allow her to be naked then because they obviously know what she looks like from school? Or only when the one comes where she learned to do this? And even: what about us, her parents? I don't know if I'd be able to just pretend it's nothing special to see my daughter naked all the time.
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User avatar
Legend
10127 posts
Tell her it's ok when it's just her but when her friends come over then she stays clothed even the one she learnt it from as you are not comfortable with her friends being naked around the house but it's fine when she goes to her friends in the country if they don't mind, I would very much doubt any of her other friends would do it anyway when they came over, her friend she learnt it from are they a nudist family?
I can't see why it would be any big deal for you as her parents seeing her naked round the house I mean to say you gave birth to her and seen her naked when changing her nappy and bathing her as a baby and she has nothing different that you have as her mother and has nothing more any other woman has that her father hasn't seen before, the more you argue with her about it the more friction it will cause.
The more you push against her doing it the more she is going to want to do it as a teenager so if you come to a compromise that she can do it at home while inside and only your around it gives her a sense she has achieved something towards her independence.
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Thanks. You may have convinced me. I didn't really think I was going to get a reasonable answer by writing here but, hey, here it is! Her friend's family are no nudists, no (we asked of course after she told us what was going on there), it's only her friend and her younger sister being naked. It seems they used to be naked when children and just kept on going naked. When our daughter was at their place she actually stayed clothed (or at least so she says) because she didn't want her friend's parents to see her naked, and she only spent a day naked herself when the parents were away. So, anyway, it will be only in private that she wants to be naked. I'm only worried that she might want to get more out of it later, but maybe I should leave these worries for when they present themselves. Thanks for your advice.
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User avatar
Legend
10127 posts
Once she turns 16 if she wants to lead a nudist type lifestyle then that's up to her but she must realise that it is illegal in most countries to be complete nude in public, you will probably find it will just be a passing phase and she will change her mind about it after a while.
Glad to have helped you out and helped you see if in a different perspective.
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Interesting dilemma. My first response is that nudity is natural and do not make a big deal out of it. Just tell her she can be naked at home, but must be clothed when friends or other family arrives. She is probably not a nudist, and this is a phase of curiosity and exploration.
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So, how's that working out? My wife is a licensed clinical psychologist (Psy.D.) specializing in children and families with decades of experience. She agrees you were given absurd high risk advice. If you baby sat for a neighbor or relative's child and bathed her, the logic was it would it then make sense for her to be naked around your house now? Ever gone skinny dipping with a young female friend as a child? Try telling her it's the same thing as seeing her naked now. All women have the same anatomy you've seen before so it's OK to have naked women around your house. What would your wife say to that logic? And yes, it's different: The boundary and sexuality issues here are elevated, not diminished, by the fact you are the parent.
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I'd be less harsh on blankcanvas than your wife, of course I've got no diploma but some experience. Both our daughters were used to be naked when children and they kept the habit. When the younger one developed pubic hair she covered though and when her breasts started to look like breasts she got dressed. The elder one stayed flatchested and her hairs never bothered her so she stayed naked. It was for both of them a matter of fact thing and their behaviour was never questioned. No sexual complications came out of it.. But of course it may be different when being naked is just the continuity of what has always been and not something new. I have to add that we're not nudists and neither their father nor me are naked at home (except of course in the bathroom etc. but I mean we do not live naked though in the morning I'm topless until after breakfast and shower).
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User avatar
Legend
10127 posts
Being a child psychologist just means she has a piece of paper that actually means nothing just like any other degree, to be a parent is different for everyone and it's something you are learning to be from the child's birth until you die. No one can tell you how to look after a child they can only advise exactly what I did, everyone knows the more you tell a teen to do something or not to do something the more they will rebel against you a do the opposite you don't need PHD in Psy to know that just a good parent!
You say you wife says she was given absurd high risk advice I take it that was from me yet in the last half of what you say is almost the same as what I originally said?!
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Hi,I'm Amanda, the one who wrote the original message. I noticed the topic became alive again. So a year later how's it working out: in the first weeks our daughter made the most out of her "freedom". She respected the terms of the deal and got clothed when other people, including family, were in the house. (Though I noticed she never wore a bra then but that didn't bother me because her nipple only showed very little.) After a few accidents with her vaginal fluid she started to put towels where she sat and somehow that took away some of the fun for her. During her period she wore knickers and trousers and when it was over, she often kept the knickers so she was able to do away with the towels. But also during her period we spoke about her nakedness and she explained to us that especially during these days she was happy to be able to be topless because her breasts were more tender than usual. Then the friend she learned it from came to our place and she wanted of course to show her she adopted her lifestyle, so we let her despite the original agreement. We did well there was no problem and in the morning both girls came actually down all dressed. So when she wanted to sunbathe in the nude with other friends in the garden, we also let her even though we knew there would be others taking off at least their tops. During the winter she was dressed more often and she also found herself a boyfriend. And during the lockdown she started to be completely naked all the time again and I know she chatted with friends on the internet like that but I decided to let it happen because she would have done it with her boyfriend anyway and even I found that kind of normal so I couldn't bring myself to say something like "Yes it will be ok if your masturbate for your boyfriend in front of a camera but not if you chat with friends who will see your breasts and who have seen you naked a hundred times in the changing rooms", it felt absurd. She's stopped wearing a bra altogether and there again we had a discussion because in the meantime her nipples have developed and become very visible but she says she doesn't care and we felt unable to tell her she has to hide them. So in the end, we feel it went fairly well and we received the right advice even if of course we also partly trapped ourselves into a situation where it became gradually impossible for us to set limits.


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User avatar
Legend
10127 posts
Hi Amanda, I'm glad you managed to come to some agreements with your daughter over it, we all know what it was like being a teen and being told what you could and couldn't do an how we tried to rebel against some things, as I said above being a parent is something you have to learn from day one until the end, you can be advised how to parent an learn from mistakes but you can't be told because the same thing doesn't work for all.
One thing we have to remember is the world is changing on how things are seen, 20 year ago most woman thought it was bad tastes to have there nipples show through a top even when not erect now days that seems to be the normal thing to do, besides as they say why should a woman's nipple be sexualised but a man's not and a man can go topless in public but a woman not also what's the difference in a woman not wearing a bra and the prominence of her nipples being visible through a top in public and a woman in a bikini on a public beach and it showing through it?
I agree you did make a few mistakes what you then couldn't go back on for other situations but as I said we all learn, now in the future if she has kids and comes to you for the same advice you know what an what not to say to her.
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ive been a nudist since i was very little nothing is wrong with this try it with her being naked is not a sin or inmoral it my normal its great she is open and free about being a nudist years later i moved to a nudist comminty i live nude work nude inside the comminty im finally happy and comfertable
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How does she looks like
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Asking the real questions
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