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My mother is emotionally abusive and constantly tries to create drama in my family’s life! I am 32 years old and 26 weeks pregnant... we found out early that this is a high risk pregnancy and should avoid stress. I told my mother this; however, she is selfish and only thinks about herself. I finally had enough when my 7-year-old daughter came home after spending the night with her and my step father. We had a doctor’s appointment that ran a little longer than we thought and I couldn't meet my mother earlier. This upset my mother, whom shared her feelings with my daughter, and she sent my step father to bring our daughter home. My daughter was crying and saying that her Nana said that she was going to move away and that she wouldn't be able to see her again because she was mad at me. This hurt... I do not want my mother hurting my daughter the same ways she hurt me!

I finally got up the courage to send her a 5 page letter in the mail explaining all of my feelings. My mother is not rational so I knew it wouldn’t be a good idea to speak with her in person while pregnant. In this letter I encouraged her to call me to talk to me about this because until we can resolve these issues, my daughter will not be staying the night or having contact with her. She hasn't called me in two months so my thoughts are she doesn't care. Well my daughter received a Halloween card with my daughters name on the front of the card... My daughter's name was in all caps and underlined twice. In the card she asked my daughter to have me to let her call her.

I don't feel like it is a good idea for my daughter to have any contact while my mother is still angry at me, this has proven to be a bad idea in the past. Until recently, my mother hasn't talked to my brother for 2 years. This was a topic of discussion between my mother and 7-year-old daughter. My daughter came home several times upset with what my mother had to say about her uncle!!!

I did not let my daguhter call nor have I explained to her why I haven't spoken to her Nana. I don't feel like this is something she should be worrying about at 7-years-old. She should only be worrying about being a happy, healthy child. My daughter has not asked where Nana is or if she could see her. Maybe she is relieved in a way that the drama has ceased...? Should I talk to my daughter about this?

Do you think I am making the right decisions for my daughter? Should I wait to have this conversation with my mother before I let my daughter speak with her? My daughters 8th birthday is on Saturday and I am sure she will call and/or send gifts... How should I handle this situation?

Please Help!


Stick to your guns. You and your unborn child as well as your 7 year old do not need the aggrivation. Your daughter is to young for the drama and doesn't need to be the middle person between you and your mom.
I am not ashamed to say this, i have not spoken to my mother for almost 5 years. My childhood sucked because of her and if it weren't for my grandmother (God rest her soul) I don't know where i would have ended up.
Everyone tells me that i only have one mother, my reply is ya so. The worst part is she has cancer again. She beat it twice before. I don't know what i wish as far as that goes. Even with her being sick, i do not feel the want or the need to contact her. And, my father has bone cancer, i don't speak to him either. My kids stay in contact with them, but i'm not interested, at all.
You have to do what you feel is best for your family.
I will not tell you to base your decision on what i have to hear, which is, you only have one mother, she won't be here forever, blah blah blah, you know the drill.
Let her come to you. And if you want to make peace, so be it, but it's got to be on your terms.