I'm thirteen and I do have a bad memory in the past that haplened in school and I had some issues in school. In July 2014, I slowly recovered from the pain that happened in the past which haunts me in my mind and I felt quite depressed before. In 5 August 2014, I came back home from school, I could feel the fun everywhere until I had this strong, turned on feeling which bothers me a lot, usually I could ignore this but I felt that I had to deal this feeling with masterbating which I recently stopped, suddenly after masterbating I recalled that I said that I would want to stop as it was forbidden in my religion which brings me back into the pain and feeling depressed where I had low Self-esteem, I suddenly feel like my sense of humour and my retaliation was gone (personality about me), right away I felt like I am in the past where bad memories started running over my mind again, from there, I started feeling depressed again, everytime I gain back my abilities, there would be a feeling asking me 'how could you get so advance and cool?" Where you could tell I had low self-esteem. And the depression do affects my memory which always makes me feel as if my brain turns off not recalling any memory as I feared of getting the pain again
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You are depressed by your stimulation because you believe the activity to be condemned by your religion, and by masturbating you have done something wrong that you thought you had stopped. It may also be tied up with things that happened at school, but you don't say what they were. The bad memories, I assume, are memories about bad things that happened to you.
What do you mean when you state 'how could you get so advance and cool?'
So, to deal with these you need to mentally confront the school happenings and judge them, and then try and move forward.
What is your religion/denomination? Think about why masturbation is considered wrong, and try to deal with what fuels your masturbation (you can't put out a fire while oil is being poured on it).
I hope this helps as a start, but I think you need to talk about these things in more detail to progress. So please tell me more, and I will try to help further. If you prefer, you can private message me.
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