Hello guys i'm AXL 22 yo been dating this 19 yo gurl for about 2 months,it all started with i was at a bar and a stranger appeared was bothering this random gurl and i went to help her then got her home safe she gave me her number Facebook etc so it started from there. The gurl was 19 yo and her parents were like 30yo+ , so basically they were really Strict with her, she was like in a home Prison , because they made a mistake when they were younger so she does not get pregnant etc,it's her first year at Uni she studies Psychology.
First conversations at facebook were really great she was smart shared my world etc. Okey firstly she was really sexual probably i hit her up on her Bipolar Phases or sth,then she would tell me tomorrow we should not talk i'm not a b***h i just can't really control myself sometimes,i told her i accept you the way you are and i love you the way you are. We went out head fun etc she was connecting with me alot i supported her emotionally a lot,she told me i cannot live without you i keep thinking about you your bothering my mind a lot lately,i need you tho's kind of words,the other thing i noticed is that she told me Good things do not last long,and i don't wanna get hurt i told her there is no reason for me to hurt you i love you and i will to the last breathe. In the other meeting she keept overthinking every little detail crying etc telling me your going to use me then ditch me and play with my emotions everytime i talked through it supported her told her i head no reason too, then she shared she was on a Depression a heavy one through summer and lost some weight etc, her parents fixated to her mind that all guys are the same and i told her to not be selfish because she has to think about me also not leave me and ruin sth good that it just started so it went like this.
So this is were it gets really weird, we would go out and does not matter if it's a female or male she would care less about physical traits,she would kiss females in front of me acting like a Bisexual beast anyways,she told me she loves me more than anything etc. There was this other girl writing cute comments on my instagram she would get really jelly tell me that i love the other girl and i would always tell her your my only one i don't love anyone else and i blocked that random girl from my instagram.
Every night she would overthink everything cry and pm me telling me i can't help it i really love you tried many times to ditch me i told her i will do whatever it takes i promise you,talking about suicide drugs she never used them doe,how she feels empty i spark her etc how she feels alone,darkness seeing dreams with spiders cry etc.
In the last 2 weeks she went so cold so i decided to ask her what is the matter,and she told me she feels really tired,does not care about anything wants just to hang out in her computer,feels tired but she can't sleep and that she talked to many people lately and she is not talkative,and told me it's just not you you know i mean WTF. She would give me the same emotional validation doe keep the texts shorter,the intervals got shorter and shorter to 1-2 messages daily no meeting no anything and she would be online the whole time,so it really pissed me off asked her again being a bit needy and clingy,she told me i'm really sorry that i made you feel this way it's not true that i don't wanna talk to you etc. The last text is sent her asking her if she feels the same feelings she feelt before she would answer it's not true that i don't wanna talk to you and you should not be overthinking things imagine she is trying to use her Bipolar Defense Mechanism by trying to make me look crazy.
So then i really got pissed and told her why are you ignoring my question i'm talking about emotions and stuff,i asked her straightly do you love me do you feel the same feelings you feelt before she answers with''I don't know, can't we just change the topic,i told her just clarify this thing please why did you grow distant is it my fault did i do sth to hurt you?? Shes like''No it's not your fault,i don't know what to say,i don't have anything to say. It's like every time i try to pressure her she grows more distant,gives me no reason ,i tried to bring old memories it's like everything is erased from her memory,i keep thinking of what i did wrong to hurt the love of my life i can't see a reason,she keeps the high self esteem respects me 0%,tells me i dont know what i feel ,feeds anger everything i tell her is boring tells me its not true that i don't wanna talk to you and keeps it with 1 message a day,likes other dudes photos all the time,probably talking to other dudes everytime i try to bring an old memories rather she forgot it or acts that way refuses it makes me look crazy,changes the topic.
I really thought at first she was playing games or sth,but right now i see she has all the Bipolar Sign's a really rude disrespectful Bipolar,so i told her i can't really continue like this everytime i gave her emotions told her she means the world to me she grew more distant at old times she would answer with the same emotions even more. So i told her i will set you free give you space time like you asked if you really loved me you will come back if not it's your lost,i can't really continue talking with this kind of character aka mindset your sharing right now she answers with''Okey whatever,okey take care'' I left her message on seen and didn't pm back idk if this was rude,i really could not tell her i will support you to the last min and love you cuz everytime i keept saying that she would grow even more distant. It's like her brain stopped working she feeds anger rudeness with me and enjoys everything else without giving me a reason. I cant really keep it this way even doe shes on my heart and mind every second,she has to learn to behave,its like i'm talking to this total stranger that's empty feelingless emotionless sharing some weird death stuff etc in facebook and she wont allow me to help her.
I went on a NC it's the 11th day nothing from her it's like everything she said every live memory that we head just vanished and she does not care i'm sure she does not think even about me anymore,all tho's words she used to tell me. I'm 100% sure right now she has a Manic/Bipolar Disorder it's my first time i'm experiencing the love of my life to have it,it's really painful and i feel like i'm on a living hell right now idk what to do if i contact her she will keep it short disrespecting rude angry and consider me like her b***h if i don't contact her i'm afraid shes gone forever.
The question is do they forget memories all tho's emotions,will they contact you sooner or later is there a slim possibility??I'm just so surprised how she forgot everything. If they contact you should i act again with emotions it's probably that she is going to use me for something i guess i want to teach her to behave as she used to?? Please guys help me i'm really hopeless and you can really help me to clear my mind it would mean a lot i'm really alone thank you. Additional Info:Every time she gets out she drinks like crazy gets drunk and she has fun with it,i'm so sure that if there was someone from the group doing drugs she would have done it too no matter what heroine coke or whatever, basically she follows the Motives of other people as i read it's one of the Signs of BPD.
I'm really sick and tired of saving her life many times i even got once stabbed in my arm trying to save her at the last minute of her being raped from a random guy.
I was eating my brain every second and feeling grief and really sad i can't even sleep thinking about all tho's fun moments we head,thought it was all my fault. At first she sounded like she was playing games,but i did some research and all the Signs tell that shes Bipolar, she takes no med's no anything and continues going,it was really weird at first i didn't knew what to expect her fear of losing me,changing her thoughts every second in a single word,eventually she left me and does not share anything with me anymore it's like she lost her trust. I really pressured her a lot to tell me what was going on all i got was I don't Know,it was really off the logic at first without a reason her being distant,answering hours later and it sounded normal to her,and being angry aggressive with me.
I really want to write to her apologize for pressuring her a lot but i doubt it will make things even worst,she will think she has the power and start playing again bitching around. She should have reacted in the 3rd text which i wrote to her which was 5 pages long telling her how i love her but all she did was nothing simply no reaction, Just plain it's not true i don't want to talk to you. Also forgot to mention in the first few convo's she was really private about her family every time you tried to ask sth she would not tell me try to hide it then i worked slow she opened up,everytime she head a problem she tried to act cool then again she opened up slow.
She told me she has to think all the negative things so they can become positive,she also told me you can't love me for a short period of time you don't know me that well i told her i love you and that's the realest thing i know for years,then she told me don't promise me things you can't keep i told her no matter whatever it takes i'll fight for you and prove you that i really love you. I left the door open to her but i doubt she will ever come back!!!
Right now it's the opposite she does not give me a chance to talk about thing's plays it cool like nothing happened,i can't even talk to her she keeps the Conversation's really short,should i try to pm her with a sentence like''Hey i was really emotional on the last convo's i just wanted to apologize for pressuring you,i don't know whatever your going through if you one day feel like sharing stuff i will gladly listen to them and help you,nothing changed about my emotions i feel the same i love you and will continue loving you to my last breath, just wanted to let you know this hope your doing okey best regards i will support you to my last breath.
I wish she could find the Spark she head before with me it's like she hates me the most in the world tries to make me look stupid and keep that cool attitude,and enjoys everything with other people(god damn it it's killing me) Would it change anything? I really want her back and i don't wanna lose her but on the other hand i'm sick and tired of being considered with no value like a b***h she thinks she can control anything right now.
Is there a possibility that she will contact?I mean a slim chance of Bipolar people it feels like everything is erased from her memory,every time i tried to ask sth she would ignore the question it's like shes scared of me? Do they get back to you or they forget thing's that easy i'm really confused i can't really anymore talk with her about anything it does not trigger any emotions to her,she's like i don't know i think the best option is to make her miss me NC,probably when some day she will feel really down i was hoping she would pm me(also note she is really angry and really temper she will keep that high self-esteem i think for a long time,telling me shes way to awesome,guys stare at her wherever she goes and when i asked her why are you keeping the high self esteem shes like that's not true your BS i'm really confused i really am everything i do she gets mad angry i don't really know what to do from this point on) She just straightly goes on defense mechanism no respect does not trust me does not talk anything no love and enjoys every second with other people i'm sure of it! She also told me when i asked her if there is someone else shes in love with she told me''Shes not in love with anyone''and when i ask her do you feel something for me she answers with i don't know WTF is going on i'm flipping out i really am. PLZ SOMEONE HELP ME! I'm really hopeless!!!!
No one answered, but I will tell you what's happening in my life, and since your story happened a long time ago, I really want to know what happened after this message.
It's been 1 month I'm dating this girl. She's 16 and I'm 15. I know that it's young but our relation ship is just very difficult and hard to live with.
I'm a girl and she is too. When I met her, she was just shy. We talked for two weeks on Skype and then she came to spend the week end at my house. That night, she told me that she like she me, and I liked her too, so we kissed. She told me that her best friend died from cancer last year and that on the day she died was the only day when she didn't visit her at the hospital and then she started to cry. I hold her, calmed her down, told her that is was ok.
The week after I came to sleep at her's. We may have done some things. There was a sexual tension in the air idk. But we kissed a lot. She started to talk to me about her old step father was a drug addict and how she was scared when he was at home. Then, she had a panick attack. All her body seemed like dead. She couldn't move. I sat her down and try to make her drink and eat. I told her to hold my hand hard so that she could stay awake. After maybe two hours she calmed down and we listen to some music, got undressed and went to sleep. The day after she almost couldn't remember anything that happened. It was nice she was always laughing and we were kissing a lot and talking a lot on Skype and by messages when I came back home.
We had to wait 2 weeks till we were able to see each other, in a school to visit, but her parents came and we weren't even able to kiss.
So three days after I went to her city which pretty homophobic so we had to wait a lot until we were in a park to kiss amd it was pretty frustrating, since then she doesn't really talk to me that much. She doesn't say I love you anymore and told me before I got on the train that these days she felt the need to be a bit alone. Her dad was beating her all life until he kicked her out so she had to live with her mum who has a thyroid cancer. She has a lot of test to know if she has one too because she has a really deep pain in her left breast.
I'm deeply in love with her. She told me two days ago that she wanted to die. I don't know either she doesn't like me as she used to or that she's just feeling really bad.
Yesterday night we had a party. She came at first to my house, we kissed a bit but not that much, and then during the party it seemed like she was avoiding me (actually she told me that she was staying with my friend cause she didn't want her to stay with her ex boyfriend and to feel bad again). At one moment we got in my bedroom to get dressed to sleep and then she looked at herself in the mirror and told me that her legs looked weird so I told her that they were beautiful, she looked at me and then we really did kiss for maybe 5 minutes. She was holding me really close to her but then we had to come back with my friends and we slept at three in a bed, I was close to her, but we didn't kiss because we didn't want to because my friends were there (even if they know about us).
I went with her this morning to the train and he exchanged a little kiss just before the door closed and I told her that I loved her by message and then she said me too.
But I also told her that I hated to let her leave and she sent me a ":/"
And then left and didn't sent me a message since then.
We're not going to see each other for a month and it's gonna be very hard for me. Do you know what I should do?