Hi Linda! I have this expression "You know what you KNOW" Basically you are coming on line and posing a question to strangers for an answer you already know the answer to! You - and rightly so - need someone to say "Yeah that is VERY shifty"! So I'm saying "Yeah that is VERY shifty!"
Here are some questions for you to think about - 1. Is he late - from work 2. Is he starting to do his own laundry, or do things without asking (like if you wanted him to fix a light, and all of a sudden he is)? 3. Has his personality changed - for good or bad? And the HUGE one for me (as soon as I read your dilemma) Does he have unprotected sex with you? IF the answer is yes, you confront him! Because since he is wiping off his penis when coming home - this says to me that he might be having unprotected sex! And wants to make sure everything is "clean"! 5. Are you sure he wipes for no reason - that it's not after he urinates!? My eldest son - HATES public washrooms - and runs in at the end of work to go! 6. How has your marriage been lately - and PLEASE believe me, this is NOT a reflection on you doing something wrong! IF he has been happier and more positive (for no reason) or more sullen and defensive? 7. If you are religious, does he make excuses for not going to church, OR does he look REALLY low down (like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders?"
Just know something - from someone that has been there and done that! - When you start suspecting your spouse of cheating, it is usually right! BUT then when you are looking for proof, you CAN start taking small things and making them bigger! So you can prove it to you heart - so to speak! We have our minds going "That dirty B....... how can he do this to me?" and then your heart going "But he loves me, he wouldn't do that..." So you feel like a wreck and don't know which part to listen to! And most of us will listen to our hearts first - thus us being SO devastated when our brains were right all along!
Do you both have mutual friends? IF so ask to go for coffee with the wife of the other and ask her IF she ever would think if your husband would cheat! See her response for how it is! Either doing the stalling practice of "Say what?!" "What did you say?" "husbands name, husbands name....." Because men can NOT keep their cheating silent - it is a natural thing (kind of like notches on the bed post) and they WILL tell a friend and if you guys are good friends he WILL tell the husband! And most husbands are worse at keeping secrets then a wife! And they WILL tell their wife - another natural thing, they want their wives to feel superior! IF you have a really good girlfriend of yours - that isn't that into your hubby, or ambivelent, then have her come over and check his car! For him to come home and "clean off" IF he is cheating I would say it's in a car! Because IF it is as someones house, or a motel, there's a washroom there- to clean up etc. So no need to clean up when they get home!
IF you have children is he more clingy with them or more distant! Saying clingy things like "Daddy loves you no matter what" or saying things like "It's OK I'll put them to bed tonight!" And also how was he on Mothers Day - did you get any gifts from him! Or on Valentines Day - was it different? All those little things you didn't put to much attention to when they were happening, but now this could be THE clue!
I ALWAYS tell everyone to go with their Spidey Senses! Listen to your inner voice - that we often loose when we are married or in a long term relationship! We become a couple - and think like a couple - instead of thinking independently and being a strong independent thinker of the FACTS! What made you come on here today- your brain or your heart? And 1 more thing - has his job changed - has he been emasculated lately (lower wage, threatening of being fired or laid off, new boss who is a JERK, is REALLY hating his job etc.) Some men - who have been emasculated, will seek out a non feeling purely sexual relationship - to feel attractive, and get some of their masculinity back from being defeated! Also just one more point (obviously this has hit a nerve with me) For men they CAN'T STAND a woman cheating sexually on them! For us - even though we are sickened by it, sometimes we can explain it, BUT to have affairs and lying and deceit we CAN'T take! So BEFORE you find out what's going on! See where you line is - is it physically cheating, emotionally cheating, or IF it is either will the line be raked over! Do this BEFORE you find out the truth and stick with it! The reason why is this! I ALWAYS said that I would leave if my husband cheated on me, BUT when he did - we had a 12 month old at home - and I was STUCK! I then had to swallow what was left of my pride and move in with him - because this was best for my child! Doesn't mean it was the best for me! I was DEVASTATED! Not so much that he cheated, but I had to give in and rake over that line of mine! So now there is NO line, and he knows it! BUT IF he did it again I WOULD leave! As many men and women, become embarrassed that you sold yourself short and brought them back, and just do it again! So REALLY think about this before you open Pandoras box - remember it CAN'T be closed once open!
Good luck honey and BIG hugs! and if you need to talk - I promise I wont talk off your ear again! I am just passionate about this!