he lied all along but never could get away with it when it came to me. I knew when he wasnt clean. I saw it on him. And I never once faked or pretended I didnt see it. He would lay in bed detoxing make it two days or so and as soon as he left the house he would score heroin and attempt to keep his using a secret. Kinda hard to do with a girl like me at home. I knew to keep his honest Id have to be diligent and keep an eye on his pockets for envelopes or straws rolled up bills cards...he wasnt able to be very cautious once high. So again he was spending more time in the bathroom than usual, sweating profusly in his sleep as he twitched or jerked n jumped all night. Id sit up till daylight watching him and praying i wasnt about to accuse him if I wasnt sure. He becameso sloppy that his foggy minded and obvious herion clouded head dropped his envelope in our drive way where anyone could find it. Then tries to sell me the excuse that it must have been in his truck from prior using and he didnt know he had...only to change it with in an hour to confessing he was saving it in case he needed it to work. And his lies have gone on and on...as I sit here typing this he sleeps and I cry holding yet another envelope just found in his coat pocket as usual. I am truly lost. What do i say? When do his lies end? He ends up with over half my xmas money trying to detox thanksgiving relapsing or backing out for a week then detox attempting again and in a matter of three weeks he has only managed to lie consistently about using.He owes me money, a friend more money and every dime he gets in his hand is gone before he gets home w it.
How do I deal with this? I actually came to him and told him Id rather be told the truth and know he used than be lied to and forced to find out by my own means than anything. He is slipping away from who he was and the only thing i see worth fighting for to him is heroin. We have a 9month old son,as well as two older 11 and 8yrs old children and he evades all responsibility as the man of the house for heroin. I have struggled with worry that if i put him out Ill be called to identify his body or pick him up from jail. Ive become worried he will steal from me,100$ still missing that I put up for xmas and wasnt able to find,did he steal it? Do I even stand a chance at him telling any truth anymore. OMG what do I do in response to all this lying?I have caught him three or more times by finding his dope or his residue or his straws...only when forced by evidence he cant deny does he confess the truth. Im not sure what to do anymore. I hate to see him destitute out in the cold NE weather alone and unable to help himself in any way but by getting high.
I am seriously unable to decide what my best choice in response to him is at this point.
Addiction isnt a choice...but lying about using is and its his dishonesty thats truly wrecking my head and heart.
Whats a woman to do with such a man as this????
I feel like he is outta of reach from me and it scares me to death. I told his family may2012 when it was opanas he was abusing and ended up in rehab for but I know if I tell them he relapsed with heroin,they will wash their hands of him. That would crush him and possibly push him beyond any chance of getting clean. I have no way to fight this heroin addiction of his. I am only a solid stone to stand upon in the soggy sands heroin has turned his life into. When do I walk away without having to harbor guilt over giving up on him.
Wow... So sorry to hear about your life dealing with addiction... Your husbands addiction is yours as well.. However that is really ONLY if you ALLOW or cont to allow him to use & lie about it! You have the right to happiness.. You have every right to kick him out & let him learn his own way & if he chooses to go the road of drugs & addiction You cannot stop him... He is NOT choosing you over the drug/addiction. He is sick as addiction is an illness & if he were mentally ill & refused to take his meds that make him a "Normal" Functioning human being you would prob leave him... Addiction to drugs is NO diff & if he refuses to stop... Get clean & get better for himself than you need & have no choice but to do what you have to do for you & your children. They didnt ask to be here & its not fair to them to see their Mommy unhappy EVERYDAY!!! You have to be there for them.. NOT HIM!!! ( IF he doesnt want real help) for his problem... NOT YOURS!!! Its yours if you cont to enable him!!! I am addicted to pain meds that I am prescribed by my Pain Man Doc & My Husband is more than aware of my illness as I need him for support to help me when I do want to get off my meds. I have not lied or stolen to get pills when I run out but yes I do buy them when I cut myself short at the end of the mo. People who are in my life know exactly how my addiction has ruined my life & has taken a toll on me physically, emotionally & mentally but I am asking for HELP.. I just cant get any!!! My docs wont help.. The local ER has labeled me as a druggie & threw me out 6 mo ago when I was trying to get off the pills & after 2 weeks of stopping I was so over feeling miserable & because I didnt get the proper care/treatment for my addiction I ended up right back on my meds & now I am going to have to go thru ALL that hell all over again & still no HELP or resources available to me... Funny how my ins pays for my doc visit & Script every mo but wont pay anything toward getting off the meds & recovery & NOT to get off your topic.. I do apologize but my point in expressing my situation is to share with you & I am in no way being negative or attacking you for loving your man...You cannot help or stop your feeling for someone with whom you share your life with BUT there comes a time when YOU have to decide & stick to it & say enough is enough!!! If you want freedom from addiction & the lifestyle which involves the lies & the lack of having anything EVER due to all income being spent on drugs YOU & only you can make that change in your life & I hope that you can find the strength you need within yourself to walk away & close the door & that is the ONLY way you will get the peace you are seeking in your life! I do NOT claim that this is & will be easy for you at all, but its either that or this??? How many lies, how many dollars,how many years & how many sleepless nights are you willing to give??? You def need support & people who understand to help you in making the right decisions that will help you find your happiness. His unfortunately is addiction & You cannot honestly change that.. ONLY He can & He has to do it for him because he will never truly care or love anyone until he can feel love for himself & being an addict you have NO feeling... You are NUMB to the world!!! He does NOT intentionally want to hurt you... His addcition is bigger than You... Him.. Your Children... EVERYTHING!!! You seriously have to make the firm choice to change the life you are living... For yourself & your babies.. He has to make the firm choice to get HELP & commit to staying clean to stay alive!!! It is clear the way you have been living & coping with his addiction is NOT working & If you stay & allow,enable etc You are only stunting your self growth & life experiences & Your children will never be truly happy as long as you are accepting to be sooooo unhappy.
This is all intended for You to stop & think about the reality of your life & addiction... In no way am I trying to offend you ... I am a very caring person who cares & loves all people & only want to help & sometimes it takes being blunt & honest because there really is no way to sugar coat the truth... You dont need sugar coating because that is lying & you have been lied to enough!!!
I really do wish you the best & I hope that you find what makes you happy in life & more than that I hope & pray that God will give you the strength & provide you with all the help you need to make a better life for you & your babies... You deserve to live & be happy!!!
God Bless You & your Family & I wish you the very best in no matter what road you choose to take... I hope my advice can be somewhat helpful to you?? Please dont think I have tried to offend or hurt your feelings & certainly please dont think that I think its just as easy as walking away.. I know you have children & many years invested ... I get that BUT I am only responding to your post because you are clearly desp & reaching out for answers & help & I can pretty much tell you everyone will prob give you the same advice.. Hang in there & do your best to succeed<3
Thank you for reading my story and for caring enought o reply with such honest and truly real advice to a stranger in need. The world could use more folks like you who care even though they dont have to. I will keep in mind your words of encouragement and advice from you is very much appreciated. Take care
You are more than welcome & vent anytime =] Sometimes just being able to vent is a moment of relief! You have a lot of choices to make & I am honestly glad that I am the addict in my family because I dont think I could handle if anyone else was... That is certainly a very difficult & VERY frustrating illness that is hard to understand unless you have been there... I am pleased to hear that you feel hopeful because you are a recovering addict as well. You made the choice to change & He hasnt really... YET!!! That is not to say that he wont but you cant honestly believe you can save him & the reason he still does what he does & ive been there before with an ex ... Is because you allow it... He knows you will not leave him or he believes his lies are that good but I do understand how you feel conflicted in making the call but you cannot protect him because that maybe what kills him! I am honestly telling you from my heart that you most certainly need to accept that you have to involve his family because it is their Son & I know & you know as a parent you would want to know... If they wash their hands of him than so be it but at least you know you did the right thing & they have every right to feel that way as do you regarding his relapses etc. This is nothing to play around with.. The drugs he is using will kill him... its only a matter of time =[ You know this... your living it. So be strong & dont accept this is your life! Specially when you yourself have come so far.. Thats so awesome!!! Always hear to listen if you need to vent.. I know the ones closest to us sometimes are the hardest to talk to & less understanding so Im happy to know you havent taken anything I have said in a negative or offensive manner but certainly take it to heart because this life you are living has to change soon!!! You take care as well & please feel free to keep me posted on stuff if ya feel up to it?? I will prob be on this site venting my butt off as well as I face my demons & deal with getting through recovery after detox... GOD HOW I WISH SOMEONE WOULD PAY 9000K FOR MY RECOVERY!!! THAT WOULD BE THE GREATEST GIFT I EVER RECEIVED!!! But the diff is I want help & want to get better =] I know how addiction has changed & controlled my life & I am so ready to find a way out!!! Keep in touch =]
I type this as he once agin lays in bed under the covers and sick from detox day1. He was almost out of chances yesterday, after he left suddenly at 1100am and was unable to be reached by phone or text till 10pm last night. He had a list of excuses but ultimately realized that my monotone and emotionless reaction was a sign that I was ready to call it a game and walk. He ended up telling me that he was trying to score and ended up having nothing around he could use before he went into withdraws by 2or3pm,meaning he used withinthe 12hours or so prior. So hewent to his grandmas and then after she fed him???(really?food during the initial first hours of withdraw...Im not sure about this)he ate and talked with her and frove home. He was not really showing the usual symptoms he had during previous detox attempts.But if he was confessing his lies so he could go into detox and be clear of guilt I was listening. I wasnt surprised when he addmitted I was correct the entire last week about him using,not crazy or just by chance were the envelopes I found in his pockets. That he had been using since dec3 or so and was ashamed he lied(always so fast to say Im sorry these heroin addicts seem to be)and he was scared because he thought he could handle a small bit once in a while only when he did that small bit in early dec...he was back in over his head over night,DUH its heroine. He ended up blowing the only money he made for almost a year now due to his habit with opanas early on in the 2012year before rehab and then his heroin habit that was unknown for months to me after rehab in june2012. He litterally spent hundredsin only afew weeks on heroin for himself. As I was cutting christmas gifts and limiting more and more my own spending,like quitting smoking ciggs Id smoked since 2001 so we could use the cash towards gifts and household expenses,and while I was cutting back he was also asking for money for ciggs,gas,food,and wasnt telling me he bought 40 r 80buck worth of heroin almost everyday or so.
I was furious and chose to end the silent suffering I had endured for his habit to heroin since nov2012 when I found out about it. I called his two best friends and his mother, telling them all everything and ending the heavy backbreaking chore of keeping chore of keeping his secret like he wanted me to. He wasnt pleased but I didnt give a sh*t.
Anyways he hasnt really thrown up any that I noticed and before it was puke city during withdraw. He isnt sweating like expected from times past also. He is just sleeping. He ate too...weird if you were me and knew what his typical detox involved. He has not convinced me yet that he is really detoxing but I came up with a plan.
By tuesday he will be three days in his detox according to his own statements of his last time using and that means he is possibly(he is going to or he can take his butt to his momma if she lets him in) able and Ill check for sure, to take his stockpiled secretly not taken naltrexole from the raid detox in 2012 we went to in Michigan. So if he isnt using the medication will have little to nothing to his body and wont have any side effects but if he is or has used and didnt detox at least 3days like he says then its gonna be one awful and truly miserable experience because the naltrexole will cause immediate and powerful rapid detox in his cells,that makes for a very painful and puking sh**ting ans shivering detox. Lets hope he is not forgetting using any time since he says he last did which is according to him Friday. I am untilthen waiting and watching him,Im helping him deal with the claimed to be detox some but minimal help if you compare the times in the last year I was still trying to save him and being his biggest aid in the detox by putting life on hold to care for him, cuddle and love him and baby his discomfort cries. Not this time. He can do this or he can not. I know I can do it,only had once offmeth 12years ago and after it was over I never needed to go it again.Lesson learned for me.
Wish me clarity of thought and abiltiy to see what is not what is wished for by the heart. Ill keep ya posted and by tuesday things will be changing one way or the other, clean or still using,still in love or single...Ill let ya know.
DAY 12 of his sobriety...didnt know I would see this happen for sure but I stuck to my guns and I took your advice. I chose to not wet-nurse him thru his last relapse and detox in mid january. On a monday night,hours and I mean 6hours late coming home, he walks thru the door and I only need lay eyes on him and its as if he was wearing a sign that said I did it again...I was furious and not able to look at him as he tried to convince me of his whereabouts for so long that day. Granted he and i had spoken thru the day and he had already tried to make it clear he was not within miles of danger to his weakness for heroin. As he sat next to my 10yr old daughter on our couch I watched him shake his head attempting to keep his eyes from nodding off/-I pull no punches and straight asked him if he was riding hard he knew what I meant but said he was just tired from driving 8hours and not working like he should have been. He owns his own business small and almost belly up due to his last year of using opiates and blowing thousands.He was so high he looked sick, white as a ghost...sweating in a room thats heat was set 72 but swore he didnt wanna take his winter jacket off or his coveralls...I almost killed him when my daughter says to him"are you sleeping" as he drifts off mid sentence...he had to go.
My BFF was the one who said it best and most...she had told me it was no longer my issue. He was taking me away from my children and distracting my focus from my progress and happiness for his heroin usage. She was right and so were you. He said he would quit and detox as we spoke. I told him I needed to sleep alone I wasnt clear thinking and wanted to think alone since we live together and its 20degrees outside most nights here i couldnt throw him to his truck. I slept on the couch and woke to him sick as hell on his knees in the bathroom floor...it had arrived, his inevitable rematch with the demon b***h of his called Withdraw. Oh it hit with a fury and he puked more than he could swallow from 11pm to 9am and asked me to take him to the ER for an IV fluid bag and possible Rx for klodopin/anxiety med so I told him I would drop him off there and I wasnt doing this with him like before. I called his mother and she agreed that he could come home about 30min away and detox there as she and his dad had offered in june2012 after I went and told them their son was addicted to opiate pills and needed 9000.00 for rapid detox or he was gonna end up dead. And now I have to tell them he relapsed and on heroine and he is coming home. Lovely. I did it though. She agreed to meet him and gets his stuff for their house.
I felt like I had to remove myself from this one...let him go it alone and not be his strength to get thru the discomfort his using caused him...it was the right choice.
He went home and detoxed today is day 12 and he isnt 100%but we didnt think he would be already anyhow. He is coming home to stay today and seems to have a better attitude about his addiction. He is weak and still has such stomach upset several times a day and sleep is no longer his friend. He wakes every 30min he says. His mom tried to be the support person he needed by not allowing him to be in charge of his anxiety meds but leaving him to be responsible for his others meds during detox(catapress-bp bentyl-stomach uppset Valerian-rls anxiety bcomplext -energy mental health multi vit-duh ativan-anxiety melatonin-sleep neutrotin-never pain and body damage pain from use. Anyways he is happier but depression is lurking ever so near him. He has tons of days ahead of him filled with struggle but its his choice and he wants this to be the end,
Thank you for your advice and supportive words posted i am ever greatful for them. I hope I only swing thru to say hello and not to post of another relapse...we shall see...wish me well and know that I wish you the best also.
I hope that lifes been able to reward you for the efforts you made for him...his loss is eternal carried in memory.
I report good news to share HE DID it...its day 14 of his sobriety as we seek a meeting to attend today and for the next few steps thru this process. He was close to giving in to the tricky b***h addiction. I am sorry your loss was of one to such a b***h as well. Your wisdom is needed to others in this situation. Please continue your advising and visiting of these forums that help so many thru the entire pain of the process of the cycle addiction runs. Please KIT touch how old is your daughter? emial me privately if you need let me know and Ill make sure to share it w u