When I first started psychotherapy for PTSD, my therapist suggested we do plenty of awkward and painful stuff that I really didn't fancy — like breathing exercises and role-playing. Though I gave most of the things she wanted to work on an honest go, and some ended up helping a lot, I also told her if I simply wasn't ready for something or felt it wouldn't be beneficial for me.
That's the whole point, of course, since research does show that people with post-traumatic stress disorder who talk and write about their traumas are better able to process what happened to them, in turn allowing them to find healing and relief from some of the symptoms of PTSD. But recovery is hard — and often painful — work, and if you're not sure if you can journal about your trauma and the PTSD you now live with, I don't blame you one little bit.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder and want to give journaling a try, though, here's how it can help you — and some tips to get you started.
How journaling can help people with PTSD
Writing about the trauma that gave me post-traumatic stress disorder, and sharing what daily life under the shadow of PTSD was truly like for me, ended up augmenting the therapy process in some very practical ways:
- I felt quite vulnerable and exposed in therapy, and wasn't always able to physically say the words my therapist really needed to hear to be able to help me better. Writing something down and then bringing it to the next session kind of bypassed this face-to-face "nakedness", since I was alone when I committed the words to paper and felt more like I was sharing with myself.
- Writing, rather than in-person and "live" conversations, made me feel more in control. Discussing something I'd written was less daunting than saying stuff. I decided when and what I wrote, as well as what I did and didn't share in therapy and what I was and wasn't going to share with my therapist about it.
- Steam-of-consciousness writing — perhaps better called "puke onto paper", writing without thinking about it — helped me unearth some feelings and memories that I'd supressed, and moved the therapeutic process forward.
- I primarily wrote for me. Journaling helped me understand myself better. The things I wrote also allowed my therapist to see what kinds of symptoms I was dealing with on a daily basis, however.
1. Expect journaling to drain you completely
Sometimes, writing about my trauma was easy — as I started typing or writing something by hand, the words would come out by themselves and I had a thirst to write my anger away. Other times, it was hard as f*ck. I'd delete the one sentence I struggled so much to get out and was left with nothing.
Those feelings would wear off, though — and when that happened, life continued with another part of the trauma processed. It would get worse before it got better, but I did get better, every single time. I'd feel lighter as I faced more and more of the past head-on.
2. Writing doesn't have to mean 'journaling': Here's what else you can do
When you hear "journaling", you might think of a diary. It doesn't have to be that way. There are many ways to make writing part of your healing, and they include:
- Writing letters to people who hurt or wronged you, people who didn't make it out, or loved-ones you have something to share with. Nope, you don't ever have to send them, and in many situations wouldn't be able to even if you wanted to, but telling people what you wish they knew can be powerful.
- Participating in an anonymous online discussion board for people with PTSD — there are many. You can share as much or as little as you're able to. I often found it easier to talk to real people than to simply write to nobody in particular. Online PTSD forums have the added benefit that they also act as a peer-support group, of course.
- Writing a kind of "debrief" to yourself about your last therapy session — what happened there, what did you learn, what did your therapist do that you really didn't like, and what do you think it will take to move forward in therapy?
- Writing answers to specific questions your therapist posed.
- Keeping a short symptom diary. It doesn't have to be a novel. This kind of thing can help your therapist gain insights into your triggers and coping mechanisms, as well as what it might take to help you make progress.
3. Take breaks from journaling
You'll need them. Journaling certainly isn't the be-all and end-all of your recovery. Take long baths and waste as much water as you need to. Go for daily jogs. Kick ass in kickboxing. Binge-watch Netflix. Sit in the park and feed the ducks. Watch trees sway in the wind.
Write too much, and it can easily get too much — especially if the trauma responsible for your PTSD took place a long time ago, writing can immerse you in a world you've spent a lot of energy on repressing, and draw you right into its orbit. Ground yourself in the present with physical, primal, experiences as well.
4. Don't feel pressured to share
Yes, writing can help you process and move forward. Even if you wrote a letter to someone or answered a writing prompt your therapist gave you, though, that doesn't mean you also have to broadcast your writing. Sometimes, just writing is enough — even if you burn what you wrote right after and show it to nobody.
That brings me to another point — when I was writing something I was planning to share with my therapist, I'd often leave out details that I wasn't ready to share with her or didn't want to talk about in the session, but that were nonetheless important. When journaling, people with PTSD will benefit most if they do write down everything they want to get off their chests. Write for you, not for someone else, and then decide what you want to do with that writing.
If you have safety concerns, stick to handwriting and physically get rid of the text you produced after you've spent some time with it, a process that can be cathartic in itself.
The bottom line
Research has shown journaling to be a beneficial tool for people with post-traumatic stress disorder who are seeking to process their traumas. Though one study mentioned that it didn't impact symptom-severity negatively, I personally found that it can — but also that this is only temporary. Overall, writing has the potential to help you take some power back, improve your mood, and reduce the stress hormones that flood your body when triggered.
- Photo courtesy of SteadyHealth
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