Emotional Numbness And PTSD: How Can You Get Your Feelings Back?

The fictional trauma survivors we've all seen in TV shows, movies, and books suffer from flasbacks that transport them back to their most painful moments the second they're triggered by a smell, face, or sound. Benign but startling cues — someone unexpectedly putting a hand on their shoulder, perhaps, or the sudden pop of a champagne bottle — can send them into full-on threat mode, attacking foes long gone. No matter how hard they try to avoid reminders of their, usually combat-related, trauma, they find no rest. The very real nightmare they once lived follows them into their dreams. If they get any sleep at all, that is. 

Real people suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder can indeed exeperience all of these symptoms. PTSD also often comes, however, with less-discussed — and less photogenic — challenges. 

What's up with that? And is there any way a PTSD sufferer who has become emotionally numb can recover their full spectrum of emotions?

PTSD: How does emotional numbing fit into the symptomatic picture?

Symptoms related to emotional numbing fall under criterion D of the diagnostic criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder, as laid out in the fifth edition of the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. They are described as:

• A diminished interest, or ability to participate, in important events. 
• Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others. 
• A persistent inability to experience positive emotions. 

To be diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, someone has to experience two or more symptoms from the criterion D list, but these aren't the only ones. Other parts of this aspect of PTSD — which can broadly be described as trauma-related negative changes in mood — would include excessive guilt, the belief that the sufferer is responsible for the trauma, feelings of worthlessness, distrust in humanity as a whole, and chronic negative emotions like fear, anger, and terror. 

Because research has revealed that the capacity to experience positive emotions is seperate from the ability to feel negative ones, emotional numbing doesn't necessarily mean you won't feel anything at all. You may simply be limited to feelings like fear, anger, and terror. 

Anhedonia is also common in major depressive disorder, which affects up to half of PTSD sufferers, so anyone with post-traumatic stress disorder who no longer experiences positive emotions may want to check in with their doctor or therapist to see whether depression should be added to their "diagnostic rap sheet". 

What's it like to not be able to feel positive emotions?

The trauma that "gifted" me post-traumatic stress disorder took place during my childhood and teens. On the other side of it, I spent decades convincing myself I was totally fine. I found many things — purpose, dedication, friendships and relationships based around shared ideas and activities, and plenty of thrills, too. I had the "avoid triggers" part down pat, moving halfway across the globe and cutting ties with anyone who reminded me of what happened.

The stereotypical symptoms of PTSD — the intrusive thoughts, nightmares, startle response, aggresssion, and hypervigilance — didn't emerge until much later. I'd lived all my adult life without truly experiencing things like happiness, joy, love, or even contentment on an emotional level, though they were there in a more cognitive, rational, way. 

It wasn't until I had children that I realized that "my feelings were broken", that I was chronically emotionally anesthetized. If there's anything humans across the world universally believe to exist, it's a mother's love. I didn't feel it. Don't get me wrong; I was fiercely protective of my children and would have done anything to keep them safe from harm, but those feelings everyone talks about were missing. Fear and anger were the only things I could really feel, and they were more reactions to situations than actual emotions. 

I wasn't able to be the kind of mother I wanted my children to grow up with, and realizing that prompted me to seek therapy. Therapy is hard, painful, work. The bad stuff came back first — terror, deep sadness, pain. It was probably necessary to allow the good stuff back in. Though therapy was all-consuming, it did open the door for the positive emotions. Today, I can do more than just rationally think "oh, that is a happy thing" — I can actually feel it. 

How can you get your feelings back?

Talk therapy can be intimidating and will most certainly be difficult if you do it right — it involves processing your trauma by reliving it in a controlled way, uncovering layers of poor coping techniques you've likely built up over the years, and ultimately working towards a healthier picture of your own self. Continued attempts to suppress your symptoms on your own may sound more appealing at first glance.

With a good therapist and methods that work for you, therapy is, however, ultimately worth it. For me, it opened the flood gates to let in all the pain I'd worked so hard to keep out. But it also allowed me to feel love and happiness again. For me, therapy made the difference between existing and living. It may be able to do the same for you, too.