Some autistic meltdowns look a lot like toddler tantrums from the outside — and if you encounter a young child on the autism spectrum melting down, you could easily assume they're simply throwing a tantrum. Tempter tantrums and autistic meltdowns are by no means the same thing, however, and anyone who regularly has contact with an autistic person or autistic people should understand the difference.
What is autism?
Autism spectrum disorder — also simply called autism — is a neurological condition that results in radically different brain wiring. All autistic people are unique, but it would usually be accurate to say that having an autistic neurology makes it hard to communicate with non-autistic people. Since non-autistic people make up the overwhelming majority, this causes challenges. Autistic people also nearly always have sensory sensitivities, a strong need for routine or sameness in their lives, and a need to engage in "stims" (repetitive behaviors or motions that help regulate emotions).
While functioning labels exist in the context of autism spectrum disorder, the very same person can thrive (and be considered "high functioning) in one period, and crash (and be considered "low functioning) during another point in life. This also very much depends on the extent to which their life circumstances meet their needs — including whether they have the right support network.
What are temper tantrums, and what causes them?
Toddlers, who are at an age where they're developing all sorts of opinions and wishes as they realize they're a whole separate person of their own, still lack the language and developmental skills to describe those opinions and wishes verbally and calmly.
They may tantrum when they're having a hard time making a transition, when they want something they can't have, when they're tired and overwhelmed, when you take something they want away from them, when they're "hangry" (angry because they're hungry), when they don't understand what you want, when they feel you're treating them unfairly, and so on.
Make no mistake — though some toddler tantrums "just happen", toddlers have absolutely been known to engage in this kind of behavior on purpose, by choice, as evidenced by the fact that some stop very quickly when they get that ice cream or their parents agree to let them watch one more Peppa Pig episode.
I've never heard anyone use the term "temper tantrum" to describe anything except this kind of toddler rage-trip, unless the person was joking or seeking to belittle someone else's behavior — as in "that lady threw a temper tantrum because she wanted to speak to the manager".
What are autistic meltdowns, and what causes them?
One autistic adult describing different "levels" of meltdowns told me that they may simply be overwhelmed during a mild meltdown — emotionally and with sensory overload — and be internally overtaken by a flow of uncomfortable emotions. They may lose their ability to speak, the person said, and to listen to what others are saying. A more severe meltdown may feature anger and yelling, while the most intense meltdowns could cause screaming and outright aggression over which the person doesn't have any control.
Not all meltdowns are outwardly aggressive, however. To cope, a person may also sit down on the floor, engage in intense "stimming" (such as rocking, repeating phrases, flapping hands, and many more), or physically exit the situation as fast as possible. These kinds of meltdowns are also sometimes called "shutdowns" instead.
Autistic people of all ages can experience meltdowns, though not all do, and these meltdowns do not, in any way, reflect their functioning outside of the meltdowns — though it is common to need rest and recuperation following a meltdown, which drains a lot of energy.
What do temper tantrums and autistic meltdowns have in common? How are they different?
Though some people will appreciate it if you stay with them and act as a source of comfort in previously agreed-on ways during a meltdown, others will need time on their own. Someone on the autistic spectrum having a meltdown will never benefit from being told to calm down in a condescending way, being told to get it together, or from any kind of aggressive behavior. They need to get away from triggering circumstances, and adding to them will only make it worse.
An autistic meltdown is not the same as a panic attack — to which it's sometimes compared — either, but these two phenomena may have more in common than meltdows and tantrums. In both cases, the person temporarily loses control of their emotions and actions. An autistic meltdown may, in some ways, share even more similarities with an asthma attack. Both are more likely upon exposure to identifiable triggers, both are totally beyond the control of the person experiencing them once they hit, and steps can be taken to cope with and reduce the incidence of both — by creating safer environments.
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