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A little background on me: I am 20 years old, recently lost my virginity to a good friend and we are not really emotionally involved otherwise.

1) I know the first time you have sex isn't always the greatest experience, but, though mine wasn't a bad or embarassing experience, I didn't feel any real sense of joy or the greatest arousal. I was more aroused when I was fantasizing about it before hand.
My theories as to why this is are as follows: I was thinking too much, not relaxed enough, no real emotional connection with partner.
Now I know people have sex with men/women who they are not in a deeply emotional relationship with and they enjoy themselves greatly... any advice, tips, suggestions as to how I can elevate the experience?

2) Masturbation is not my thing, I do not enjoy it at all. I like it when my partner stimulates my clitoris but he never gets it just right and the good feeling doesn't last very long. I do really enjoy firm pressure to my pelvic area that Vs to the thigh and vagina area, but not so much anyway near my clit or vagina. I have never been a real sexual person and I am very ignorant with most acts and practices so any advice or methods to learn what stimulates me is greatly appreciated.

3) I have not had a ton of experience so the matter of size is a concept I have yet to grasp as there hasn't been anything to compare it to. However, once I got comfortable and the initial pressure or slight pain I felt went away, it didn't feel as "deep" as I would have thought and pounding/humping didn't really help or feel as pleasurable, and he slipped out a few times.
What's normal?
Am I having too much expectations for what should be pleasurable?
Does it usually get better as time goes on and experience/desires increase?
How can I get turned on better?
I feel I am too much of an apathetic person to allow myself much pleasure in it....

Any other advice, tips, and tricks are greatly appreciated.
Thank you. :)


When I first had sex I was 17. I was verry emotionally involved with the person, and I was definitely more aroused before hand like you said, but when we started having sex I didn't really feel much out of it either. And yes, for a woman it is way different in getting off for a guy. Guys don't really need to do much to get off, it's more physical than psychological for them. I know when I think to much during sex or don't relax enough I can't even get off. I feel it, it has a slightly good feeling, but I don't climax. Also like myself, some woman live life never having an orgasm threw sexual intercourse, only through stimulation of the clitoris. I am 21 now and have been with three different guys in my life, all different sizes, and never once had an orgasm through sexual intercourse. I have to play with myself while having sex to cum with him. The first time usually isn't the greatest experience for arousal. It does get better as time goes on. And as far as finding out what turns you on is up to you. I know you said that you don't like masturbation verry much, but that's usually the only/first way of knowing what gets you hot. You have to be open to sex. I wasn't as open as I am now. And now I'm verry verry open to things in bed with my partner. Sex is a constant thing to learn about. No one can ever know everything about sex. I find exciting new was to have sex almost everytime I'm in bed with my partner. You also have to trust who your with, and be sexually attracted to your partner. And as far as him slipping out a few times, it's normal, my partner slips out every once in a while, but to most people they would say that if his penis slips out he's too small, which could be another factor in not feeling it as well. As far as knowing what turns you on, I hope it really really works out for you. You should explore the touching and feeling of what feels good to you. And next time you have sex don't be afraid to let him know what really gets you hot, cause men love making woman feel good. Good luck, and lemme know how it works out. Have fun!


Thank you so much. I am pretty sure I am just thinking way too much and I definitely need to just relax and be as open as possible. Thank you again, I really appreciate the advice.


Hi. I'm also a Newbie. I lost my V a week ago which hurt very much. I'm 24 years old and don't know much information. I am feeling fine but broke up with him because he seems only interested in sex (calling me mostly at late nights). Now I'm feeling really aroused... I don't masturbate and don't know how to ease this feeling down...
Any advice would help.