Abused - need help

it's all my fault....... this would've never happened! My boyfriend is away on a month long tour and I am quite alone by myself, except for my cousins who visit me and I babysit their babies during the day - time when I breastfeed them as well. I am sexually active and we had regular sex.
One of our common friends called up three days ago and we met over dinner. One thing led to another and I found myself agreed to having wild sex with him...... something I never did my entire life.... am loyal..... but this time I let myself slip..... everything seemed fine except when he suggested that we have kinky sex..... not knowing what that meant - maybe I was half drunk?? next he tied my hands to sides of the bed and began his orgy.... he said he liked his woman all tied up and restrained
He was quite rough and used brute force to penetrate me....... I couldn't do a thing and I tolerated it all........ it was only when I started leaking milk that he got really wild....... he said he didn't like leaky breasts and asked if I was pregnant or smth, which am not! I said I do breastfeed and that turned ugly. Next he grabbed my boobs, squeezed them real hard and literally scratched them with his nails..... next he grabbed my nipples - twisting pinching and pulling - he twisted them so badly the skin came off - nipples were red and oozing blood - I screamed him to stop and refrain from harming me, but he continued with his orgy...... he started pinching and hitting all over my body - he even stuffed some clothes in my mouth - even biting where ever he could. He then sprayed me with his cum and bit my nipples really hard........

This is where I lost consciousness....... when I came to - one of my arms was still tied to the bed and I was bleeding in places - I could barely get up. I cleaned myself and put some ice cubes over nipples and other areas to ease off the pain and spent rest of the night blaming myself for being a fool.

I am now in much pain, my boobs are engorged - haven't fed babies in three days and boobs are really sore. My nipples are all but as if on fire and now scabs are forming - I put some cream and cotton the day before, but they all stick and peel off skin when I try removing and hurts really bad......

Am too scared to approach a doctor, haven't spoken to my cousins about my condition fearing they may not support me. I did try self expressing milk, but that hurt too much....... dunno what to do? Feel stupid and depressed now. I can barely wear any clothes..... all of that rubs against skin and my wounds hurt a lot........ feel like ending my life but the babies are only thing I want to stay alive