I left my fiance apx 1 month ago after an episode in which he wasn't showing up to our small business on time or at all, was blaming me and the other employees, and at one point after a big fight between us stole money from the business and went to Atlantic City for the weekend where he spent it all and got arrested.
He has been diagnosed bipolar by a few doctors and his mother is bipolar but his current psychiatrist diagnosed him with major depressive disorder and, while he will admit he is sick some of the time, he won't call it bipolar, and his ownership of his illness often depends on his mood. He takes medication: a mixture of xanax, abilify and zoloft as perscribed by his doctor but often abuses the xanax as well as drinks heavily and smokes marijuana regularly in order to cope.
When I left, he was agitated. He was threatening toward me and violent toward my brother who was helping. He proceeded to post inappropriate pictures of me online, damage or refuse to give me back my things, and threaten to call the police on my family for issues that were not even real. I blocked him for a few weeks and tried to move on, but we have many legal and domestic ties which made it virtually impossible to make a clean break.
The problem is, as happens often in these types of relationships, and the reason I have stayed before, he is now back to "normal". We are having productive conversations and spending time together and it is really great.
I am still deeply in love with him, I miss him all the time and I enjoy the time we spend together. I still haven't told him where I live and I haven't made any decisions on trying to work things out because I feel like he is still not taking full responsibility for what he has done and blames me for leaving.
In order to work things out, he would need to get real help which he may be willing to do, but even then, he has been so inconsistent, I'm not sure it is worth putting myself and my family through that (we don't have children, he has just been aggresive and threatening toward others in my life). He has made these types of promises before.
But part of me feels like when I said I would marry him, I said I would be there for the good and the bad and understanding and working through/with his illness is part of that.
How do I start the process of healing myself and begin to consider the future of our relationship? How do I set clear boundaries for contact? Is it even worth considering or do I end all contact until he is willing to take full responsibility for managing his illness?