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I am taking time off to approach for help - the ONLY way I can. Take a look at my other post in different section - https://www.steadyhealth.com/Abused___need_help_t274379.html

He was a regular visitor and abused me really bad. I dunno how to confront my boyfriend when he gets to know about it........... all my fault

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Wow, I am very sorry that happened to you.

You were assaulted.  You told that man to stop and he didn't.  That is sexual assault.  Just because you consented to having sex in the first place does not mean you consented to be mutilated, mistreated, and humiliated.  

If I were in your situation, I would call the police.  You especially want to do this before the wounds heal.  You have physical evidence of assault on your person.  You can testify also that you said you didn't want to be hurt and told him to stop and that you were assaulted so badly you lost consciousness for a time.

Next, I understand that you feel a tremendous amount of guilt.  The guilt needs to be dealt with.  Speak to someone in sexual assault counseling first.  I think you're not only dealing with the guilt of cheating, but I think you're also dealing with guilt that many victims of sexual assault feel (despite the fact that the assault is not their fault).  This person can help you analyze your emotions and help you see the situation more rationally.  Until you do that, I suggest you don't say a thing.  When we are severely emotionally compromised, that is not a time to make huge decisions or compromise ourselves further.  You can call RAINN, the organization for the national sexual assault hotline.  Google the phone number and ask to speak to a professional.  Relate your experience and ask for advice.

I also suggest you say affirmations to help you through this.  Affirmations are positive statements we say to ourselves in order to change negative self-perception.  I suggest you say the following affirmations every day, at least 10 times each, for at least three weeks.  Also, say them throughout the day in your head.  Do it even if it feels awkward.  This is probably because you don't believe it yet.  Give it time.

Suggested affirmations:
I forgive myself.
I am adequate.
I love and approve of myself.
I am a good person.
(Anything else you'd like to add - just make sure it's positive.)

I can understand if you're afraid of judgment.  I don't judge you.  If you need someone to talk to, please message me.  Know that there's someone out there who is willing to be your friend.
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Thanks. In India it is not so easy and there are countless harassment in sexual assault cases. I have spent much time trying to heal myself but some psychological issues still remain........ sometimes memories bring back old hurts and THAT hurts a log.......
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I now have strange unexplained condition where my boobs leak easily - so much that when a baby finishes and goes off the breast - my nipples continue dripping - I have had to collect my milk in cups or bottles. The need to feed constantly sometimes over takes me and I feel secure breastfeeding. But all of this activity is now taking a toll and I barely get time to look after myself. Waking up babies to feed at hours is disturbing baby feed patterns and crankiness

Secondly when my boyfriend approaches for sex, I leak even more and push him away - feels like he will hurt me - I know he will never do that - but my actions are now a negative impact on our relationship. I don't like when he touches my boobs or fondles them - something which gave me much pleasure earlier.

Please help :(
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