My brother in law abused me between the age of 13 and 15, He came into the family when I was 8 and married my sister when I was 10. I got on with him very well, he gave me a lot f positive attention. I was a nerdy quiet young-for-my-age type of girl. I never mixed with boys as I went to an all girl school. When I was 9 me and my friend were grabbed by a drunk in some bushes- we went to her house after we managed to get away from him and her parents really listened and were really concerned. but when I went to my house and told my mum and dad, they told me to shut up and stop telling lies. and I was just outraged and in pain because I was telling the truth, and because I and my friend had been brave- we knew the man in the bushes wanted to harm us- we didn't know in what way- and we had fought off an adult and my parents DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW!
And now with my brother in law I- at the beginning I tried to tell my mum he had kissed me and it didn't feel right but she just angrily said 'if you don't want to go to the house don't go'. I DID go, and he persuaded me bit by bit to have sex with him. I think partly because I didn't feel entitled to refuse. Partly because he was telling me it was ok, he loved me, we were going to have a life together. It became a nightmare I couldn't excape from.
I wanted to tell my mum what was going on but a bit of me was self destructively angry because they hadn't listened to me before. Afterwards, when my dad realised what had been going on, my dad told me he wanted to murder me. He interrogated me over and over about every sexual detail, until I was broken and didn't want to be me anymore. I felt totally like a monster for years. My mum died when I was 21. On the eve of my mum's funeral I was comforting my dad, telling him i would do anything to help. I went to give him a quick goodnight kiss but he pushed his tongue my mouth and tried to really kissme . I pulled away and yelled 'no', absolutely horrified. even more so when he said 'its good to know that you can say no'. I went to bed sobbing my heart out- was shame to follow me everywhere- even on an occasion like this, with my mum just dead? He followed me upstairs and stood inside my bedroom door looking down and I was terrified, but he just turned and went away.
I have struggled for years to say 'i was abused'. I have never confronted my abuser because i have had to deal with how my family made me feel, and have never ben able to feel angry at the one who did the abusing and I've always felt i didn't have the right to confront him because my family wouldn't like it. But now, especially after the revelations about Jimmy Savile, which have really brought it all up for me, I realise- this is MY business and I find I want to track him down and confront him- I want him to know how much damage he caused. I am 54 and this still haunts me.
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Open law suit against him. It does not matter how far it is. At least you will let the world know what happened to you and expose him dor what he did. I do not suggest confornting him one to one. If it makes you feel better I assure you most of people has been abused at a certain age. Very rarely to find someone who was spared from this experience.
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