My fiancé and I have been together two years and engaged for one. I've gotten to the point where I feel like I've known him my whole life. "He's my human" we recently got our own house about 8 months back. He works I do not, (we are financially stable with extra money) for the reason of I need to be home to take care of the house and our future children. But the problem lies with I'm ready to move on and he isn't.

I want children, and recently I've been to the extreme about it. He's told me no he's not ready, and he also fears since he lost his baby brother he will loose our baby. He just keeps saying nothing about us is ready and for the detail about that he says I get behind on our house now what happens if I have a baby to take care of, yet I'm taking care of his mom almost Daily due to a surgery she's had a couple months back and am barely home. Obviously a baby forces you to stay home much more. He thinks I can shrug this to the side it will be ok.... I envy mothers I'm jealous of girls my age with accident babies. I'm younger but I'm also old fashion by you should have a baby by 20, it's how I was raised. 

I just want something to give, I can't keep having breakdowns like I do over this, I fear Christmas because his 3 little cousins will be there all under 4. And I don't just want a baby I want a toddler and on up someone I can take care of and teach and help through life. 

It's a vicious cycle, I ended up trying to convince myself I would make a bad parent because to try and avoid the feelings I say to myself what happens if it cries and needs you and you don't want to get up, then it comes around to if I can't do it how do I take care of this feeling. I'm starting to hate my life because I feel like one of my most precious things near and dear to me is mocking me everywhere.