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Hello,

I am a 20 year old female. About 3 years ago I smoked marijuana and had  huge panic attack and hallucinated visually and felt things that were not real.

Before this I was a normal person. I was a good student, never had I tried any drugs before.

I am still suffering today. It's gotten better and worse throughout the years because I've tried to fix myself and get rid of the anxiety myself. I've never visually hallucinated but I can make myself feel like I did when I was high and make myself feel hallucinations (I don't know what or if there is a word for this type of hallucination?).
Currently I am in very poor shape. I have extreme agoraphobia. I freak myself out entirely too much into a panic attack. Don't know how to stop. I'm a worry wort.

The past month I have finally decided to seek help.

I've been going to a therapist for a few weeks now. Last week I went to my family doctor and he has prescribed me Celexa and has given me Klonopin for as needed.

The thing I am extremely worried about is that I have not told my doctor or my therapist that I do hallucinate A LOT. I can make myself hallucinate whenever I want. I'm terrified that these pills will make me worse-- That I already do hallucinate and if I go through another "trip" somehow, I'm going to be so much worse than I already am.

Please help.
Thanks.

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Ok, where to start..as I read your post..it brought me right back to my early 20's when I too had vicious panic attacks! My attacks had become so bad that I thought I was going crazy and when I would be in the throws of an attack..I truly thought I was dying. It made me afraid to go out in public in fear of having an attack among alot of people.The feeling that you describe that you can make yourself feel like and it feels like when you were high on pot..pretty much describes what I felt too..I could get a simple thought in my head and in no time have myself in a full blown panic attack. I prayed to god to please stop these things..it was ruining my life..how could I ever live the rest of my life feeling this way?? Well, I sought help and it took a little time, but things gradually improved with medication and therapy. You need to be brutually honest with your doctor because he can't help you if he doesn't know what he is dealing with.Trust me, there isn't anything you could do or say that would shock him..doctors see it all. Thats why they are there..to help..so my suggestion would be to ask your doctor what to do. Tell him exactly what you said here and he will help you get the appropriate help. To this day I can't think of a time in my life that I lived in almost constant fear, it is scarey and you don't have to deal with it alone. I really wish you well.
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