Pretty sure this is all from isolation please help!?
i drifed out of mates groups in year 9 and during year 10 was depressed. ive been withdrawn ever since. i became really boring when i talked to people then id have to *start an argument* to get them talking to me and theyd reply look its the outcasted loser and/or look down on me in some way what scares me is that i actually have to think about why they think that and why i didnt naturally understand as well as what to say most of the time. its like i use 10 percent of my brain, cos i have to think about what i have to say, everything else i say gets ignored. family dont understand me either im that bad. theyd assume i cant do anything, cos id muck up with little things due to living in my head (la la land) to much and talk down on me or id just get angry if they ask my a little question cos i have a **** life. now at work (maccas) i jus wander around, living in my head being miserable and angry, im rude to everyone, unless i try to be nice, and can barly keep my job because of stuff ups. i mostly just sit at home doing nothing, cos im just not used to interacting with my environment (people). literally sitting there spacing out. also, when i do hav someone to talk to for a bit i can start to think back to how i used to be but something stops me. its like the pain of relising what my life has become will be to much if i start to relise it!!!! being this way has caused problems that would worry anyone but they dont even occur to me cos im so tuned out! that is, until i try to talk and rethink :-(. im getting councelling but it seems as if they dont understand either. they want me to go to uni but ill probly just stuff it there to. How can i improve before i jump in the deep end? theres not much in my small town :-(. am i that bad or do i worry to much?
i drifed out of mates groups in year 9 and during year 10 was depressed. ive been withdrawn ever since. i became really boring when i talked to people then id have to *start an argument* to get them talking to me and theyd reply look its the outcasted loser and/or look down on me in some way what scares me is that i actually have to think about why they think that and why i didnt naturally understand as well as what to say most of the time. its like i use 10 percent of my brain, cos i have to think about what i have to say, everything else i say gets ignored. family dont understand me either im that bad. theyd assume i cant do anything, cos id muck up with little things due to living in my head (la la land) to much and talk down on me or id just get angry if they ask my a little question cos i have a **** life. now at work (maccas) i jus wander around, living in my head being miserable and angry, im rude to everyone, unless i try to be nice, and can barly keep my job because of stuff ups. i mostly just sit at home doing nothing, cos im just not used to interacting with my environment (people). literally sitting there spacing out. also, when i do hav someone to talk to for a bit i can start to think back to how i used to be but something stops me. its like the pain of relising what my life has become will be to much if i start to relise it!!!! being this way has caused problems that would worry anyone but they dont even occur to me cos im so tuned out! that is, until i try to talk and rethink :-(. im getting councelling but it seems as if they dont understand either. they want me to go to uni but ill probly just stuff it there to. How can i improve before i jump in the deep end? theres not much in my small town :-(. am i that bad or do i worry to much?
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To say that you worry too much would be an understatement – you seem to think not only that nothing ever could work out, but also that even if some miracle happened, you are so, I don’t know, unworthy of anything. That really can’t be the truth. No one is absolutely perfect or absolutely bad. Whole world has its ups and downs, but it still keeps on going. But it’s all because of the depression. That is why its disorder. In depression your normal thinking becomes twisted by overwhelming sadness and negativity – every thought kind of becomes its own negative version. Even though you think that counseling and treatment aren’t working, you have to accept that these people are really your biggest chance of beating depression. When did you start taking Lexapro? Medicine you were given, as many new depression medicines, takes time (minimum of two weeks) to start having any effect on your thinking and behavior.
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