Hey,first thing I would like to say is thank you for reading this,for you are very probably going to freak out until you read all of this.I'm having a problem for very long,and finally it hit me I could look for help on the net,because nobody really knows me there. So,to start. I cannot feel some things,like small amounts of fear e.g. before an exam,I don't feel the positive anxiety before something good happens,and now when I'm on school holidays I don't feel any different,nor do I feel any different because of Christmas,today is just another day,not Christmas. Also,I have a really unsettling feeling,although I got used to it by now. It's something in my throat,I can't describe it well,but if my memories from real fear are correct,they date about 2 years ago by now,then it's the same thing,the feeling like something is in your throat,and it's similar to the feeling just before you cry. Speaking of crying,I rarely cry,and when I do it is not because of the feelings I register,it is because my conscious mind knows something's wrong,and that is my instinctual reaction,not something caused by feelings. To add to all this,I can always hear music in the back of my mind. The last thing I heard,or the last thing I thought of,however I cannot make it stop,no matter what I do. Also,I've got a love problem which is possibly connected to this. What is happening is I like one girl very much. The problem: when I'm close to her I feel like giving away everything I have,just for her. When I'm not in her vicinity,it all fades. Lately it doesn't fade,it simply gets easier,I don't feel like I would die for her,but that I certainly do like her. I also might know what caused this,although it doesn't seem traumatic enough to make all of this happen. So,there it was,more than two years from now,(I remember the exact date,although I'm not sure what exactly happened)
I was on a party,and that girl was there also. That was the party that I started dating her(in the meantime we broke up but I never stopped liking her),however there was something that was very stressful for me,stressful enough I could not eat for the next week or so,followed by fiber. And another thing that might have helped all this,but not caused it because it would be way too much time since I was having this problem. It was that the same girl started dating my best friend. I could not let that show,because it would kill me,seeing them hugging and kissing all the time in my vicinity. So I somehow convinced my mind that I don't like her. That I don't care. I in fact denied my feelings for her,and possibly not only those feelings,but as well those that I can't feel now. Anyways,they've broken up and I felt terribly sad for what she was going through,because he dumped her. However,when she got past the sadness,I started feeling something for her again. It's like the state I described earlier,loving her ,back to liking her and vice versa. Simultaneously with that,my other feelings started coming back,but not even close to complete. I still cannot feel many things,but I do feel some things that I could not before,when I feel happy I feel more so for example. So,thank you again for reading this,and thank you a lot more if you bother to answer this problem,it seems very complicated to me. p.s. please do not tell me to see a psychologist,I already did,she showed me a relaxing mental practice,but it didn't help much. It did help,but not much.
I was on a party,and that girl was there also. That was the party that I started dating her(in the meantime we broke up but I never stopped liking her),however there was something that was very stressful for me,stressful enough I could not eat for the next week or so,followed by fiber. And another thing that might have helped all this,but not caused it because it would be way too much time since I was having this problem. It was that the same girl started dating my best friend. I could not let that show,because it would kill me,seeing them hugging and kissing all the time in my vicinity. So I somehow convinced my mind that I don't like her. That I don't care. I in fact denied my feelings for her,and possibly not only those feelings,but as well those that I can't feel now. Anyways,they've broken up and I felt terribly sad for what she was going through,because he dumped her. However,when she got past the sadness,I started feeling something for her again. It's like the state I described earlier,loving her ,back to liking her and vice versa. Simultaneously with that,my other feelings started coming back,but not even close to complete. I still cannot feel many things,but I do feel some things that I could not before,when I feel happy I feel more so for example. So,thank you again for reading this,and thank you a lot more if you bother to answer this problem,it seems very complicated to me. p.s. please do not tell me to see a psychologist,I already did,she showed me a relaxing mental practice,but it didn't help much. It did help,but not much.
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Hi honey! I would probably say that you have had a broken heart! That might sound Glib! But it isn't! A broken heart can be ABSOLUTELY devestating for people! This is what I truly believe happened to you, you fell hard for this girl - probably you 1st "TRUE" love, not young person love, but real love! Then you both split! Which by itself is devestating - more so for guys actually!, then she started dating you best friend and you HAD to survive this and put up a wall so you wouldn't show your devestation over the matter, and try to look like it wasn't a big deal - all the while your heart was breaking even more! So over the last 2 years your heart and mind have started to reconnect and your not thinking with just your heart anymore, NOW your brain is involved! And you brain is basically running the show - when you aren't with her (heart running it when you are) - and your brain has 1 job - to keep you alive and well! So it remembers just how devestated you were with the relationship loss and what you HAD to endure after, so he (I always make the brain a man :-) ) is NOT going to let you hurt like you did again! Just as when the brain will split into different personalities when someone has had unbelieveable emotional/mental/physical trauma! It's main goal is to keep you going and moving, so he is the builder and WILL put up any wall he can to protect ALL of you!
Over the last 2 years, your entire being has learned to deal with dissapointment - heart stopping dissapointment - so now it has learned not to get too excited about anything (Tests, Christmas, Holidays etc) because "Look what happened the last time we let you get excited?!!" Think of your body/brain as being like a mother with a child, the child started walking and the mother let him, then he had a NASTY fall and REALLY hurt himself, so from THAT moment on the mother carried him ALL the time! She loved him SO much she didn't want him to get hurt again, so she NEVER put him down! This is the EXACT same thing that is going on with you right now!
So now what to do?! In NO way can you go ALL the way back in here! You HAVE to take "baby steps" When your mother is ready to put you down on the floor and for you to take that first step, she (the brain) and you will be VERY worried about falling again, so that 1st step will be the biggest piece of proof to your mother and yourself! Once you take that step, you then can reassess how it's going! Then you take the next step! Once you start walking, the falling over and hurting yourself will be still in your memory, but less and less of a problem! My advice to you for your "First step" is to start loving yourself 1st! You HAVE to realize that you ARE worthy of being loved and cherished, and what happened to you was unfortunate, but it CANT be the end of you realizing love! So don't be in too much of a hurry to get back with this girl, until YOU are ready for it! Then you just start off slowly with her! Love comes in many forms and when you love VERY intensely (as the overwhelming feeling of not being able to function without them) this can lead to BIG problems! Because you loose yourself in it, and you loose the fact that this is about being NATURAL! And when you loose the ability to be natural and follow your true essence, then that is the problem! Does this make sense?
So you NEED to know that what you have experienced changed you, not for the better nor for the worse, it was a HUGE learning event for you! So now you need to learn from that, and realize that unfortunately when you LOVE so much there IS going to be some down sides to that overwhelming feeling! It takes 2 to be in relationship! and those 2 people HAVE to be IN love with each other, sometimes one is more in love than the other - given different stages, but the BASIC emotion is respect and trust! You HAVE to trust that person enough to know she is going to try her damdest NOT to hurt you! That she is going to love, respect and trust you to treat her the same way she will treat you! IF you hold back most of your love, she will too, IF you aren't excited even a little bit to see her, she will mirror that back to you! And this will fail!! So I would suggest you being TOTALLY and UTTERLY honest with her, and ENTRUST that honesty to her! IF she honors that, BINGO! If she doesn't MOVE ON! Baby steps honey! And have faith and trust in the feeling of LOVE!
Over the last 2 years, your entire being has learned to deal with dissapointment - heart stopping dissapointment - so now it has learned not to get too excited about anything (Tests, Christmas, Holidays etc) because "Look what happened the last time we let you get excited?!!" Think of your body/brain as being like a mother with a child, the child started walking and the mother let him, then he had a NASTY fall and REALLY hurt himself, so from THAT moment on the mother carried him ALL the time! She loved him SO much she didn't want him to get hurt again, so she NEVER put him down! This is the EXACT same thing that is going on with you right now!
So now what to do?! In NO way can you go ALL the way back in here! You HAVE to take "baby steps" When your mother is ready to put you down on the floor and for you to take that first step, she (the brain) and you will be VERY worried about falling again, so that 1st step will be the biggest piece of proof to your mother and yourself! Once you take that step, you then can reassess how it's going! Then you take the next step! Once you start walking, the falling over and hurting yourself will be still in your memory, but less and less of a problem! My advice to you for your "First step" is to start loving yourself 1st! You HAVE to realize that you ARE worthy of being loved and cherished, and what happened to you was unfortunate, but it CANT be the end of you realizing love! So don't be in too much of a hurry to get back with this girl, until YOU are ready for it! Then you just start off slowly with her! Love comes in many forms and when you love VERY intensely (as the overwhelming feeling of not being able to function without them) this can lead to BIG problems! Because you loose yourself in it, and you loose the fact that this is about being NATURAL! And when you loose the ability to be natural and follow your true essence, then that is the problem! Does this make sense?
So you NEED to know that what you have experienced changed you, not for the better nor for the worse, it was a HUGE learning event for you! So now you need to learn from that, and realize that unfortunately when you LOVE so much there IS going to be some down sides to that overwhelming feeling! It takes 2 to be in relationship! and those 2 people HAVE to be IN love with each other, sometimes one is more in love than the other - given different stages, but the BASIC emotion is respect and trust! You HAVE to trust that person enough to know she is going to try her damdest NOT to hurt you! That she is going to love, respect and trust you to treat her the same way she will treat you! IF you hold back most of your love, she will too, IF you aren't excited even a little bit to see her, she will mirror that back to you! And this will fail!! So I would suggest you being TOTALLY and UTTERLY honest with her, and ENTRUST that honesty to her! IF she honors that, BINGO! If she doesn't MOVE ON! Baby steps honey! And have faith and trust in the feeling of LOVE!
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You're right about the brain being a man, Bambi. Who ever heard of a female with a brain? 8-| Scrambled maybe ;-)
But even with your lack of a brain I believe you got it right. :-P
I had one of those broken hearts and this sure sounds like it.
Men are supposed to look like they don't care but I surely did. :-(
That was almost 50 years ago and I still remember her fondly and vividly.
She was as kind as she could be about it. She let me down as easy as possible, but it hurt like HELL.
She was a colonel's daughter, I was an enlisted man. She met a young lieutenant that her mother approved of --- I was doomed !
I was lucky to have had her for a year and a half while her mother criticized everything about me, but I got to take her to her senior prom which was a military ball. That must have killed her mother.
I'm quite sure it's a broken heart. I felt the same way and love has never felt the same as my love for her did.
But even with your lack of a brain I believe you got it right. :-P
I had one of those broken hearts and this sure sounds like it.
Men are supposed to look like they don't care but I surely did. :-(
That was almost 50 years ago and I still remember her fondly and vividly.
She was as kind as she could be about it. She let me down as easy as possible, but it hurt like HELL.
She was a colonel's daughter, I was an enlisted man. She met a young lieutenant that her mother approved of --- I was doomed !
I was lucky to have had her for a year and a half while her mother criticized everything about me, but I got to take her to her senior prom which was a military ball. That must have killed her mother.
I'm quite sure it's a broken heart. I felt the same way and love has never felt the same as my love for her did.
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