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As a kid, I was beat senseless for silly reasons. It is not uncommon for kids to be beat, but I feel that for me it wasn't sufficient (if it ever is).

I was always a straight A student, but I would never be acknolweged for my accomplishments, so I never learned to be proud of myself. My parents always focused on the bad things. I know its normal, parents usually want you to improve on the bad things, and dont worry so much about the good ones.

I do not know pride. In university I got straight A's and i dont have the ability to even say "hey thats damn good".

Now I find myself lying to them, and I dont even need reason for it. I could have just gone to a cafe with some girlfriends and had some coffee, but to avoid any further discussion of how it was, I simply say I went to the movies. They will just ask if it was good, I will say yes, then I can go about my business.

I avoid them. If they find out about my boyfriend, I wont mind, its not a problem. But I dont tell them. I distance myself because I don't want them to have any part in my life, even though they have a huge part, being my mother and father.

Is this normal? I often hear about women who turn to their parents for advice and help, and I would rather suffer with my problem than allow it be easier for myself but simply asking for help.

I love them, I do. They are good people, they are intelligent and they have given me food and shelter. But I dont want my life to be associated at all with them, why? Why am I distancing myself so much? Im not afraid of them, I dont care if they know about my life, but I just...I wish I was as far from them as I possibly could. They feel like strangers. What is wrong here?

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It's absolutely common for someone who has been abused to want to distance themselves from that person(s), even if you do love them. You're obviously dealing with the hurt and negative consequences that stem from abuse. Instead of feeling nurtured, you felt hurt, physically and emotionally. Parents are supposed to love you and nurture you, but when they beat you and make you fearful of them, the love and nurture that they have been giving you gets withdrawn, sort of like an emotional bank account. Perhaps you feel that your parents are "in debt."

I think you would benefit from professional help. You can seek out a therapist on your college campus or one covered by your insurance. There are also support groups that are dedicated entirely to abuse situations. If you're a sociable person, you may benefit a lot from a support group.

Don't get discouraged if the first therapist or support group doesn't work. Not all work the same or equally well. You may need to seek out more than one. Just don't give up on the search.
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