Couldn't find what you looking for?

TRY OUR SEARCH!

I recently decided that I want to distance myself from my family because they cause unnecessary stress in my life. I have been struggling emotionally with this decision because I want to be there for my family but I can’t change people or help people that wont help themselves. I just feel guilty and don’t know if stepping away is a good idea.

My mother has been suffering from depression for many years so much that she is unable to work and is collecting disability. I have two younger brothers who choose not to work and just live off of my mother. They see no problem with this and they both are over 30 years old. Needless to say my mother struggles to keep food on the table, pay rent and give my brothers money when they need it on her disability check.

I decided to step up and help since I am married, own a home and consider myself financially stable. I asked my mom to move in with my husband and me. My only condition was that she works on getting herself together emotionally and start doing things for her. I did not ask nor did I allow her to help financially because I wanted so much for her to feel like she could do whatever she wanted with her money. I just wanted her to live her OWN life and to be happy. Well my brothers went on there way and moved in with friends or other family member until they got kicked out for being lazy and not offering any financial help to anyone.

Here the problems begin.... After living with me for about a year she decided she would just move in my brothers without asking me. I came home from work and they had already moved in. I was so angry with my mother. How could she do this? Its not that I don’t love my brothers, but they need to take responsibility for themselves and stop relying on mom. Well my husband was upset and I of course was just fuming at my mother. I could not just kick them out on the street so I gave them a time frame to find a job and get an apartment, but they refused to do anything to change there situation and my mother was all too willing to baby them every chance she got. I finally put my foot down and leased a small apartment in my name and told them they were all moving out and it was up to them to figure out how they were going to pay the bills. I just didn’t want to deal with it anymore and neither did my husband.

Since they moved out one of my brothers have wrecked my mothers car, took the money the insurance gave her for himself, took over her cell phone and the list goes on and on and will continue until my mom decides she has had enough. Whenever I spend time with my mom all she does is complain about her situation. I am just stressed.

I want to distance myself but feel an enormous guilt for feeling this way.

Loading...

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a difficult time. What I think would be a good idea is for you to see a therapist to help you deal with your family and to deal with your guilt. Your ultimate decision may be to distance yourself from your family--and that's fine! A lot of people do! But you do need help managing the emotional ramifications of that, so a therapist can help you work through that. I think it'd be a good idea for you to search for a therapist in the area who can help you out. I wish you the best! Please let us know how this goes for you.
Reply

Loading...

i also suffer from a similar situation, i have a strained relationship with my parents because of their contnuos manipulation and playong on my feelings emotions and using me as a tool for thier own selfish interest. i have developed an amount of enger and resentment that i never thouh i could inhibit. i want to forgive them and distance myself far away from them. i dont know how to do this because they are financially well off and im still a student i need their financial suport but their personal intergrty and values is so low that my father is a silent alcoholic, he uses alcohol to numb his feelings. and my mother uses materalism to numb his own, her main concern is what others think of her.


havent said that i want to focuss on my own life, forgive their mistakes and build a new, steady and healthy future for my self.
Reply

Loading...


You sound like one selfish git to me. You speak of forgiving their mistakes and building a new, steady and healthy future for yourself, funded by your parents who you condemn for their weaknesses. It is they who should be distancing themselves from you. Other students in your situation make their own way with part time jobs and student loans and cheap lodgings. Your situation is nothing like the situation above. You just want to distance yourself from your parents because they stand between you and the money.
Reply

Loading...

Wow, how rude!  You also show a complete lack of empathy for the person posting the issue.  You may be the selfish one here, posting such an unkind response.

Reply

Loading...

I disagree completely with tomorrowsmine. Healthandfittness has valid points. I did not hear 1 thing about money. He wants to get his education and start fresh without the dysfunction baggage of his family. Toxic parents are an epidemic. Good luck to you and congratulations for wanting to break the generational c**p of bad parenting!!
Reply

Loading...

amen ! been there w family that will not work
Reply

Loading...