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I had a serious relationship when I was 19years old with a older man. He was 42, and weighed 22 stone. It happened 5 years ago, I had a 2 and a half year relationship with this man. I was young, naive and had low self esteem while I was with him. I thought it was cool or something 'new' to go out with someone much older and wiser than myself, and he was a nice guy when I first met him.

We both went clubbing one night, and I just happened to look at this attractive guy who was smiling, so I didn't think anything of it, so I smiled back. My ex got jealous and stormed out of the shop, I ran after him, and he pushed me... I felt really sick I couldn't believe he pushed me, and he shouted 'GET OFF GET OFF' and pushed me 3 times and the Police were looking as well. Part of me said, get a taxi and go home! but I didn't, I went home with him! the next morning, he asked me to promise that I would never look at another man again. And he was being SERIOUS ! so I agreed, but didn't mean it.

Lots of things happened. He cheated on me behind my back and blamed me I shouldn't of gone through his fone! he had on going sex with her since he was with me ! I even rang her up and she denied anything was happening! and she told him I rang her, and I got told off for that and got hit across my face! apparently this women shared a mobile phone with her husband she doesnt like! yea right! he would be on faceparty chatting to other women making profiles he was single, etc. He liked the chase and me being insecure! I once had a new job working in this nightclub and they said I would be perfect for the job ! he didn't like it and said if you do it we are over! YOUR NOT DOING IT !!!! so didn't do that job, felt so bad I let the guy down. I had no job, I had a few friends, but didn't even like them! I had no confidence very low self esteem.

Also, I once dressed up to go out, and I knew I looked nice, he said ' I don't think you look nice at all' I started to cry really bad, and he said don't start crying! I lost lots of weight, I was down to six stone from 8 and a half stone! I was skeletial and very depressed, I hardly ate anything as he would comment.

I turned 20 years old, I went out with him and his friends, he shouted on my birthday outside infront of everyone and gave me no respect! he was really horrible and nasty! he ruined my birthday big time, because his friend was giving me the eye.

I think he had a violent relationship with his previous ex as well. He pretended to be his friend online who sometimes speaks to me, and he tried to scare me, by saying 'Alan(meaning him) beat up his ex' etc... and I wasn't sure what to believe! then I some how figured he lied to me !

I nearly got pregnant as I didn't want sex and he forced it on to me without me thinking about it properly as I was a virgin at 19. Luckily I wasn't pregnant. I kept that away from my Mum, and told her I got hit by him and her friend said I should report it to the Police! my mum and I once had a argument and she could never understand why I put up with it, she gave me no support what so ever! even when I talk about it again to her, she says it's the 'past' you are in the presence! move on! My own mum didn't want to know what was happening to her daughter, which peeves me off big time!

But... since telling you my story I did leave him for good and he chased me for 9 months and soon realised I didn't want anything to do with him. I could of reported it, but I didn't want the hassle of going to the police or people knowing.

My point is... since having this awful past bitter relationship, I can't seem to move on or have another relationship, because it hurt me so much! and I do want to move on. I never loved him, but I was over him a long time ago, it's just the hurt & the pain I can't seem to date a guy... I just start to cry or think about the past. I just don't want to be hurt again.

What can help me move on ?

Thanks for listening x

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Hon, I'm so sorry for the pain this man put you through. You deserve better, you really do.

I was quite young when I was in an abusive relationship, as well. We were both the same age, but it left a scar on me for a while. It took YEARS for me to be able to believe that anyone would want me for anything other than my body and could actually love me. Because of this, it took me ten months to finally say yes when my husband asked me to marry him. He was so good to me, I just didn't understand why he loved me so much and wanted to be with me forever. Abusive relationships are serious business and they can take a long time to get over.

You say you don't want to get over the relationship. Ask yourself why that is. Why do you want to hold on to the pain? Do you feel that that's all you're worth? If that's how you feel, I'll put it frankly. That's just not true. Abusive boyfriends have the capability of making us think and feel that we're the lowest on the human worth chain; that we better keep them because we won't be able to find anyone else who will want us; to make us feel that we're not the beautiful, capable, priceless children of God that each of us truly is. I know that I'm priceless, and I know you're priceless. You're a human being and you deserve better. You deserve to be happy.

Realize that even if it's something that you don't want to get over, it is something that you need to get over. This kind of pain is damaging if it's inside for so long. After my abusive relationship, I ended up in another. Though it was a different kind--instead, he just "reminded" me that I could never get anyone better--I don't think I would have put up with being in it, being willing to be in a second abusive relationship, if I had properly dealt with the first one.

I urge you to seek professional help with this. See a counselor who specializes in abuse. If you're interested, seek out a support group. I was part of a support group and I loved it because I could connect with other people who had similar issues as me and who gave me great advice because they came to care for me, I for them, and we'd been in similar hardships. Please, seek out counseling.

I hope things get better for you soon. Remember, you didn't deserve that treatment, you don't deserve it now, you're worth so much, and you're worthy of being happy. Much love.
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Thanks for replying to my post. That's a good idea, trying to find a support group and talk to people who have been in the similar situations. Would be good to do some charity work for women and men who get abused.
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Charity work is excellent, as well. I do my own healing/charity work by responding to questions on this site. I enjoy it a great deal. I'm a huge believer that service helps hurting hearts, in both directions. :-)
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