I am writing this in tears. I am a first grade teacher and mother of five year old twin boys. I consider myself accomplished and a good mother except for one thing. I suffer from serious bouts of anxiety, panic attacks, and depression. I have been on various medications and been to numerous counselors to no avail. I am writing this because I am afraid of what my mental illness is doing to my children. I should note that at the age of five, my own mother commited suicide. I don't want to leave my own children the way my mother left me but am I doing my children more harm by being in their lives? I love them more than anything and most of the time I can control my depression symptoms. But when I do have episodes and outbursts it frightens and upsets them. I would do anything to change myself. To change my brain and my attitude toward life. I have a live in boyfriend who does not understand this and he actually makes it worse for me because of his lack of understanding. I really don't know what to do at this point. I don't have anyone I can talk to and I'm not going to worry my friends and family because they are apathetic. I feel that no one takes me seriously.
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You are not alone. Some 40 million Americans regularly suffer from troubling levels of anxiety. On top of that our high paced, high stress lifestyles don't help the situation. The biggest thing you have going for you is your awareness and commitment to doing what it takes to create the best life for you and your children. Also realize that your symptoms of anxiety do not present an immediate danger to yourself or your children, when you don't give any power to your upsets or attacks, it can help them pass more quickly.
Here are a few simple tips:
First, you have to let go of energy drains in your life. You already have too many things to take care of, yourself, your twins and your job. If your boyfriend is not supportive, he is draining your energy. It is time to let him go. Also if you have any friends that you spend time with and afterwards you feel tired and drained, they are also energy suckers. For you at this point in your life, you need to conserve your energy for you and working on creating a healthier more balanced life.
Second, when you are experiencing an anxiety attack, try taking deep breathes, and focus on your breathe. Observe yourself being anxious, don't try to change the experience, just notice what you are experiencing will make them feel less intense and you more in control.
Third, build in self care into your daily schedule, yes daily. It is important with your busy lifestyle and your boys that you do something that gives you joy everyday. Maybe it is a walk in nature, going to the gym, taking a nap, going to tea with a supportive girlfriend, taking a bath. Even just giving yourself 5 minutes a day to mediate, journal or daydream will help manage your stress levels.
Hold the faith, know that you are not alone and everyday remind yourself that you are doing your best and your boys love you dearly.
Here are a few simple tips:
First, you have to let go of energy drains in your life. You already have too many things to take care of, yourself, your twins and your job. If your boyfriend is not supportive, he is draining your energy. It is time to let him go. Also if you have any friends that you spend time with and afterwards you feel tired and drained, they are also energy suckers. For you at this point in your life, you need to conserve your energy for you and working on creating a healthier more balanced life.
Second, when you are experiencing an anxiety attack, try taking deep breathes, and focus on your breathe. Observe yourself being anxious, don't try to change the experience, just notice what you are experiencing will make them feel less intense and you more in control.
Third, build in self care into your daily schedule, yes daily. It is important with your busy lifestyle and your boys that you do something that gives you joy everyday. Maybe it is a walk in nature, going to the gym, taking a nap, going to tea with a supportive girlfriend, taking a bath. Even just giving yourself 5 minutes a day to mediate, journal or daydream will help manage your stress levels.
Hold the faith, know that you are not alone and everyday remind yourself that you are doing your best and your boys love you dearly.
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