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I've been dating this guy for about two years. I knew he had a history of prescription drug abuse (opiates) induced by a head injury, but I believed that he had quit. He was a very kind, responsible, and brilliant person with a promising career ahead of him in the field of neuroscience. However, his behavior had taken a turn for the worst recently. He became secretive, had terrible mood swings, etc. I suspected he started using again, but never had any empirical evidence to prove it. His grades plummeted, he lost his job, and all sorts of other behavioral issues started presenting themselves. I called his parents to try to get them involved because he was throwing his life away, but they didn't seem concerned in the least. They simply told me to stay away from him. A month or two later, he became violent with me, and his best friend admitted he had been abusing prescription medication heavily and was withdrawing at the time. He had never laid a hand on me before this, and I could see that the opiates had just destroyed his personality.

I immediately contacted his family again, and they finally flew in to see their son, but took their time actually coming to visit him (spent a couple days enjoying themselves upstate, etc). His sister eventually confided in me they they knew of this problem in the past, but never got him help because they lived in a small town and they didn't want people knowing their son was an addict. I tried to stay in close contact with them upon their arrival in my state but they only seem to be annoyed with me. They told me to please stop talking to his sisters because they have finals to study for and I'm making them anxious (I spoke with them once or twice on the phone for 10 minutes). I realize that it isn't even about the "finals" and the "anxiety" I'm inducing. They simply want to shut me up because they're annoyed they have to deal with this issue in the first place. They are throwing him in rehab in FL, but I am utterly at a loss as to what I should do. I can see that they will not be giving him the support he needs to recover from this horrible addiction.

They are shutting me out in order to get me to shut up so people don't find out what is happening. His mother acts like a stereotypical "refrigerator mother" and his father is entirely apathetic. I know it sounds utterly ridiculous, but these people GENUINELY just would like to live in denial and ignore the issue entirely. They are more concerned with padding their retirement fund than helping their only son. Three of the four children in his family have behavioral issues. These people lack basic parenting skills. My friend's addiction is not chronic issue that has plagued them for years. As I said before, it was brought up once, and they simply decided that it was an inconvenience to address the issue. I feel as though I am the only individual capable of offering him any type of legitimate support, which he will undoubtedly need if he is going to try to get clean. I feel very sorry for him because he desperately wants help, and was very relieved to be admitted into rehab. His family sees him as a burden and an annoyance. How on earth do I deal with people like this? Should I stay involved? Clearly, they want me out of the picture. I would respect their wishes if I felt that they were doing it out of genuine concern for their son, but I know these people and they are INCREDIBLY selfish. This is all to cover up the issue. They won't even take him back to Arkansas, where they live, and are instead stranding him in Florida because they don't want him around so people don't find out.

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this sounds like a huge problem I mean I have seen people do this kinda stuff before but I mean this might not be the correct solution but you could check him into rehab or hold an intervention (without the family knowing until after it's happened) I don't know those might help but maybe not, you should look into them more before you make a decision.  
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The best thing you can do is leave this family alone. You cannot change them or their opinion of their son/brother etc. Let them reap what they sow. If they want to drop him off in Florida and go about their lives then let them. It's not you're business. It sounds to me like you feel the need to save this man from himself. You need to focus on you and your life. You cannot change his or fix it for him.



Tell him you care for him and you are supportive of his recovery but he needs to work independently to straighten his life up and then let him do it. You can be supportive, gibe him encouragement and offer an ear when he's stressed but you cannot do this for him.



Let it go. And read Co-Dependent No More by Melanie Beattie
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