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I never been abuse, but as a young girl my mother told me, how painful it was going to be, my first time. I am 32 years old and never had sex. I was married and my marrige fail. My ex husband told me he couldnt take it anymore. I have fail relationship due to my trauma. I have tried to have sex. But when it come down to it. I start to shake and cry. Many of my ex boyfriend get mad. They said things that hurt my feeling" Like what's wrong with you' your crazy. And they dont ever call again. Even my doctor get mad at me. I went to have a pap smear and again, I began to cry. My doctor got really upset and told me to come back when I had some help. I feel so depresse, I cry almost everyday. Nobody knows how they hurt me with their comments. I dont know what to do. :'( I did some research on the internet and I came on Dyspareunia. Could it be that I have this. I dont know I am embrasse to even go to a counselar. Everybody acts as if Its all in my head...

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i know how u feel.....i used to b lik u....cuz wehn is come to personal stuffs lik tis i tend to ignore and act lik i didnt hear it...but now am more open...because as u grew u need to learn and experience...but now tat u 32yrs...i thik u shld be more open...not every woman get hurt when its their first time..maybe u wont get hurt...u dont know if u dont try it...just tell tat person ur story and make sure tat they understand..bcuz if they love u they would understand and respect u....as for u, when u thik u ready for sex then thik of happy tots and kiss him...just kept on kissing cuz it could make u enjoin the kissin so much tat it wld b done (sex )before u know it....hehehe...hope tat helps...
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I think one question is whether you are afraid of People putting things in (fingers, penis) or whether you are afraid of Anything being in (can you put your own finger in without crying?) If you can't even put things in there yourself, that should be Step 1, not working on having others doing it. It should be talk-counseling and also working at home on putting small things in such as your own finger or lubricated plastic-case tampon. As they say, "take small steps first".
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