Well, I can say that I am addicted to, but not limited to, five things:
1. Cigarettes. I can't live with them and I feel as though I can't live without them.
2. Women ( I become damn near terrified when women I am sexually attracted to attempt to communicate with me in any way. Whether or not they say, "hello" or hug me... whatever you can think of. I become nervous and (when I'm high) may even become vocally self-conscious.
3. Marijuana, some say this is not a drug and cannot be addictive, however, I am addicted to it. I smoke everyday all day. I smoke before and after work, when I hang out alone and with my friends. I am most certainly a "POT-HEAD" and, until this moment, proud of it.
4. Coca Cola ( the soda pop; I love the phrase " soda pop")
5. Cocaine, which happens to be the inspiration in writing this "piece".
I have recently started using cocaine. Everyday, starting four days ago, I have snorted multiple lines.
There was a reason behind writing this, however, I snorted cocaine earlier and I can no longer organize my thoughts. This is an embarrassment. I have spent hour putting together what you see written here.
Hopefully, when I read this tomorrow, I will...
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It's good that you can admit to your issues and take ownership of them, but now....the true test....getting help for your addictions. That will be the test that shows your seriousness for wanting to stop and lead a healthier, clean, more normal way of life.
I know that you don't need to hear how this type of lifestyle you've been living can cause problems; both mentally and physically, but it "is" true. It may seem scary to be facing a sober lifestyle when you have gotten so accustomed to not. But it will just a little while before you will be used to it, and actually start enjoying it. You will also always have relationship problems and interpersonal problems, so long as you continue living this way.
I hope that you do quit. I used to drink too much-not like too much in an evening or to get drunk....just tipsy and on a regular basis. I quit drinking so much over 14 years ago when I had my first child. Yes, I still drank, but never much. I wanted to be a good mom, and I was! I "am." Then, I gave it up altogether and have been living a completely sober life for over 13 years. It was liberating! I don't think about it all now. I don't crave it - anything. I used to....but not anymore. You can do that too.
Good luck and do what I did....tell myself daily, that I don't "need" or "want" it, until you start believing it yourself, and actually start "really" feeling that way.
Just remember, you are bigger and stronger than any problem. Look forward to each day as a new, sober person. Enjoy each aand every day, and at the end of each day that you make it through without use of any of your crutches....celebrate by allowing yourself a treat...a couple cookies, some ice cream....something. And start exercising regularly. Before long you will crave that, because it makes you feel good.
I wish you all the best. You can do this though!
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